Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Does this mean Winnie the Pooh can't be friends with Piglet anymore?


Run for the hills, make a mad dash for the nearest giant eagle and stock up on canned goods, get some aluminum siding and begin construction of your fallout shelter and prepare for...
The long and glorious history of diseases and epidemics that have risen to torment the world over the last 10 years continues with its newest hall of famer, the swine flu. it's been a little over a week since the term SWINE FLU(cue dramatic music..again) first penetrated its way into our earholes and began fist fucking the brains of the world and they are already throwing around the term pandemic. I can't help but picture somewhere a the head of FOX news and NBC and ABC and all the other corporate media pimps sitting around a conference table, dicks in hand, circle jerking over the first whispers of a brand new disease that could... OH GOD YES I'M GETTING CLOSER!... enslave the world.... ooohh oooohhhhhh OOOHHHHHH!!!!
.... I'll go get a towel.

These are the moments that every shit-flinging media head dreams about. The possibility of reporting one of the most important stories of the moment. The chance to help millions with quality unslanted information. the chance to report the facts and most importantly...make millions off of the fear that they will instill in the gradeschoolers who don't understand, the hypochondriac housewives, the epically elderly, and all the others who swallow the shittainted loads that the newsmen(and women) blow into our info hungry faces. These are the same people that brought us such life-altering fear-ingraining epidemics as West Nile Virus and SARS - a disease so serious it got it's own free celebratory concert once Canada was free of it!
I mean who are we kidding, when the Swine Flu has dissipated and we've all moved on, we are not gonna go "wow that shit got real" we are gonna keep it all American and laugh. but i don't think there is gonna be a concert held in its honor like SARS...I mean that is a tough act to follow... and that fact alone... the lack of celebration through music is the real tragedy of the whole situation.

So unless you're a toddler, ridiculously old, already have a serious illness (umm AIDS maybe... easy to forget ongoing previous illnesses when there are newer hipper ones coming out) you'll probably survive. So don't go to Mexico, don't eat pork, don't make out with any swine, don't talk to people of color, don't go outdoors, don't breath outside air, just stop existing for awhile, bury yourself in your homes, block out your windows... I believe the GOP once offered the suggestion to combat air based biological warfare by using plastic-wrap and duct tape over your windows... and just fucking shut down, or face the wrath of THE SWINE FLU!!!!! (one last time with the dramatic music please)

2 comments:

  1. oh wait, sorry to bring some journalism into the all-opinion no-fact zone, but...

    1) Swine flu is deadly in all segments of the population, including the young and healthy, not just the elderly and very young.
    2) While anti-virals are effective against the virus, there is no natural immunity or protection in current vaccinations from H1N1
    3) Unlike past flu outbreaks, like bird flu, this one is transmissible from human-to-human (avian flu never really was)
    4) The WHO has their pandemic alert level at 5, which is one step below full-fledged pandemic
    5)A statistical model from scientists at Indiana University and Northwestern says there could be as many as 1,000 cases of infection with H1N1 in the U.S. within 3 weeks.

    The flu does kill large numbers of people every year, but unlike regular flu, you can die from swine flu if you are not already physically infirm. Cities and public organizations are being advised to enact their emergency plans, which will likely head much of the infection off at the pass...which is why we don't have flu pandemics like we did in 1918...better communication, preparedness and health service management.

    Sarah Norris, Chicago Health & Science reporter, OUT

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  2. ahem, fear mongering...

    and clearly i am aware of the WHO and their "pandemic" label... i did link the story in the blog... in fact it was the whole reason i created this posting. It doesnt change the fact that the media is flipping out and hyping it grotesquely. There is a clear cut line between information as a preventative measure and the continuous bombardment of this many deaths and this many hospitalizations... and look at all this outrageous preventative measures we're all taking that seem completely logical at this moment. like Egypt slaughtering all pigs despite not signs of swine flu... or schools not letting students graduate with their peers because they were student teaching in mexico.

    you ever see those 1950's PSA films they used to show to our nations youth? Like the one about how bugs are going to take over and destroy our world unless we use tons and tons of DDT, going as far as spraying people down at public pools and school lunch periods? yeah thats how your response sounds. "Hell yes, our nation's health service is amazing! go us! listen to ALL these facts about how close to death we all are! TRUST YOUR GOVERNMENT, GIVE THE PREACHER ON THE TV YOUR MONEY, SHOP AT WALMART... trust big brother"

    but i mean your probably right. afterall you are a reporter for Chicago Health and Science, and I am just a stoner from the middle of western PA who's bitching and exaggerating on a blog created by a group of people i happen to be acquainted with... but who is wasting time reading (and wasting even more time responding to) whose blog?

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