Suck it, Earth

Yeah, you heard me. With your stupid oceans and your dumb atmosphere. You can take all your fuzzy animals and and trees and gravity and ozone and stick them right up your rapidly-disappearing-but-still-rather-icy ass, you big blue bitch.

Oh, you think I'll take this all back? Think in the end, we'll need you? You think John Cusack and Roland Emmerich are gonna scare me? Well, they're not, and you're not; you know why? Because NASA found water on the Moon. Shazam!

The confirmation of scientists’ suspicions is welcome news both to future explorers who might set up home on the lunar surface and to scientists who hope that the water, in the form of ice accumulated over billions of years, could hold a record of the solar system’s history.

The satellite, known as Lcross (pronounced L-cross), slammed into a crater near the Moon’s south pole a month ago. The impact carved out a hole 60- to 100-feet wide and kicked up at least 24 gallons of water.

So you just keep on heating up and giving us that back talk with all your hurricanes and earthquakes and bad shit happening, and we're liable to up and leave you. Hell, I'll be the first volunteer to go up to the moon.

Or, you know, we could rename it Eagle Freedom Jesus Land and hope the Tea Party folks take the bait.