We get suntans from the gleam off of our trophy bling

This is why we truly could care less that summer is over:

Say goodbye to the next 30-or-so minutes of your life

If you're like me, at some point you took a language course and figured that you would just breeze through it with the help of Babelfish (aptly named after Monsieur Adams' brilliance) or Google Translate - and without actual effort, the purchase of a textbook or any man-hours spent studying or making index cards. And you, like me, probably failed epically. Why? Because we placed our faith in a pretty crappy online translator. But hark! Some good may come out of our failure:

Enter Translation Party, a widget that uses Google Translate to take an English sentence or phrase, translate it to Japanese, then translate back to English, then back to Japanese and so on until two English translations come back the same; they call it the equilibrium.

My original sentence: I certainly am afraid of all sorts of God-awful shenanigans, including but not limited to tea bagging.

My equilibrium:I am afraid of a certain type of God. However, fraud, poor people are not limited to the package of tea.

You must play around with this.

How to beat dementia: get blackout drunk

If you're reading this blog, you've probably been shitfaced before, because only like six people read this and they're all our friends - so we know that you're a booze hound. Nothing wrong with that.

But you may not know that all those nights that you woke up only to find out from a friend passed out on the floor near you that you made some bad decisions, those were actually nights you were strengthening your mind against dementia.

Data compiled from 15 international studies, including responses from more than 10,000 people, found that drinkers, not teetotallers, are better off when it comes to developing diseases affecting cognitive function.

Those aged 60 and older who consumed between one and 28 alcoholic drinks each week, were almost 30 per cent less likely to have Alzheimer's later on in life, the data found.

Light and moderate drinkers were also 25 per cent less likely to contract vascular dementia, and 26 per cent less likely to suffer from any form of dementia.

The odds improved even more when comparing just drinkers with non-drinkers and ignoring exactly how much people consumed.

If a study comes out in a few weeks linking 3AM drunken breakfast buffets from Eat 'N Park to low blood pressure, fewer gray hairs and an increased libido, we are sooooo aging well.

Too Soon?

What? I'm just saying the punk band has a little more significance...

If you're looking to get stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again...

...and you need some satellite navigation, Bob Dylan might be able to lend you a hand. In a move stranger than some of the other ones he's made in his life, turns out the folk and rock legend is talking to some GPS companies about lending his golden pipes to the cause of getting people places.

“You know I don’t usually like to tell people what I’m doing, but I’m talking to a couple of car companies about the possibility of being the voice of their GPS system,” he disclosed.

I can hear it now: "Eeeeeeverybody muuuuust tuuuuurn riiiiiiiight!"

Like I mentioned earlier, this is not the first questionable thing Dylan has done as of late to harm his street cred/piss of hipster scum. But I guess when you churn out The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan, Bringing It All Back Home, Highway 61 Revisited, Blonde on Blonde and Blood on the Tracks all within a decade, you can do whatever the hell you want.

Mr. LeBeau goes to Canton

...maybe.

Apparently the selection committee has finally decided in their infinite-fucking-wisdom to nominate Dick "I'll blitz yo momma" LeBeau to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. It is about goddamn time. LeBeau has spent over half a century in the NFL either playing as a Pro Bowl cornerback or making quarterback's shake at the idea of having to face his complex blitz schemes.

We here at The Rustbelt Tramp fully endorse Charles Richard LeBeau for the Hall of Fame, and may god have mercy on you insufferable pricks, because if he doesn't get in... this man won't.

Chalk "potentially getting stung by a venomous insect" as another reason not to go to McDonald's

Is the obesity thing in this country not enough of a reason to keep you away from McDonald's? What about that awful feeling you get when you're done with a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese that feels like a part of you just died? Still want some McNuggets? Well, an Arizona teacher found this little badass waiting for him to reach in and grab one of those fries that always fall out of the grease-soaked cardboard thingie:

Your move, human. Take the napkin and face Deathbringer's wrath!

At least the guy was a science teacher, and stayed relatively calm about the baby scorpion found in his McDonald's bad (baby scorpions are more venomous than their elders), even showing it to his class. The authors of this blog would have just dropped to fetal position, began whimpering softly and soiled themselves.

It's like if Lego and Nintendo made out with A Nightmare Before Christmas during an acid trip

Anyone who was a nerd grew up a fan of Lego or Nintendo will thoroughly enjoy this. If you have time to do something as cool as making stop-motion Lego movies and you're not, you just ain't livin'.

I think the country of Antigua has a thing for Obama...

Antigua renames summit Mt. Obama

I guess it beats the George W. Bush Sewage plant.

A day of significance

Today marks the end of the beloved Cash for Clunkers program, which conservatives criticized as the end of the used car market and wasteful government spending (coulda bought a ton of F-16's, you know).

They were right - it was such an awful idea that barely a week old, the program needed additional funding just to keep it going because so many Americans went and traded in for a new automobile.

In light of this success story, we thought it would be fun to remind you of our last president's first domestic initiative:

Just as successful! In ruining America, that is. Which, of course, we guess Barack Obama is doing too, what with all that commie health care, muslim loving, gay sympathizing, science doing, abortion conducting Hitler crap that's going on right now in these here United States.

Reason 4,357 why Jerry Jones is an Awful Jackass...

Apparently when building his spankin' new $1.2 billion house o' football, Mr. Jones neglected to make sure people could punt under his big ass TV.

The Tennessee Titans felt they exposed a major flaw in Cowboys Stadium during the first football game played in the building when reserve punter A.J. Trapasso hit the gigantic HD screen that hangs over the field.

Whoops! I guess Big Jer wasn't thinking about, you know, playing football inside his shiny, new toy but instead watching re-runs of 4th and Long on the massive 160-foot long, 90-foot high video board.

To continue his infinite wisdom, Mr. Jones was quoted as saying that a punter would need to kick the ball "straight up and hard" to hit the board... Anyone else see fault in this argument or do we just not understand the art of punting as part of the regular course of a football game?

Either way this will become one of the subtle nuances of stadiums around the league. Much like attempting to kick a field goal into the open end of Heinz Field in December some things just come down to stadium design. The only difference being the Rooney's can't really raise the non-walled end of the stadium to block the wind coming down the Mon and Allegheny, but Big Jer may be able to fix this... somehow.

And you thought girl-on-donkey was fucked up...

To which we reply with this lovely video...

Ladies and gentlemen feast your eyes on MRI porn:

Damn that is some good porn... enjoy.

This just in: after 7 months, Barack Obama is the worst President ever

According to the people we place our faith in to give us actual news, Barack Obama is doing an awful job, his approval ratings are slipping, his staff is flip-flopping, he is drawing criticism from the left, he is not to be trusted and he hasn't gotten us out of this desolate and cataclysmic economic depression and wartime agony.

Hey media - you can't get out of the cellar in less time than it took to get in. Take a look at the Pittsburgh Pirates as your paradigm of hope. Okay, don't do that, because they've been sucking for way longer than President Obama is even constitutionally allowed. But nonetheless, you bought the WMD lie six years ago, you sold out to faux-patriotism and you turned a blind eye to 90% of the idiotic things the previous administration had done to drive this country into the shame-encrusted outhouse it is in right now. You aren't helping to alleviate the false sense of fear most Americans have by getting jumpy.

So basically, I'm asking you to calm the fuck down. For all of us. Please?

Late Night Video Club

Temple Of The Dog - Hunger Strike


Why did the 90's rock so hard?

I can has vile, contemptible nonsense?

I love you, Daily What, for making this.
Friend of the blog Monsieur Stewart also had some funnies to say about Mr. Frank's - well, frank - comments to a Town Hall teabagger.

Pittsburghese on your iPhone

Recently we've noticed a large influx of people to this blog who are not from the greater Western PA area. While this makes us exceedingly confounded happy we feel the need to share a new application that can make your trip to Pittsburgh that much more fun.

Yes ladies and gentlemen you aren't imagining things after finishing your 3rd bucket of IC Light down on the Southside, you too can now understand what the angry bastard behind the bar at Primanti's is talking about when he you tell him you don't want fries ON your sandwich and you ask why the hell they're putting cole slaw IN it as well.

**Author's note: Should you find yourself in this situation please, leave the bar as quickly as possible and find your way out of Pittsburgh... This is for your own safety as you may have just pissed off the entire town.**

The crack team from WDVE's morning show put together a brand new little application for all the wonderful yuppie's and their iPhones, listen in as they plug it on a recent show:


There you go, now please remember to use extreme caution as this application can be a bit tricky and not all of the phrases will be exact. Do not try to use this application with law enforcement officers, city officials, Steelers fans or gitney drivers as you may be shanked and tossed into the Mon... Hey, you've been warned...

So this is what their pundits are reverting to

When the empty rhetoric rubs off and the facts come out, Rush "Lil Wyte" Limbaugh reverts to immature gay jokes:



Real classy, big guy. Totally has nothing to do with the fact that your side is looking like a bunch of racist assholes right now.

May 25th 1991

Remember this date? No? Most likely not, but it marks the date that the Pittsburgh Penguins marked their names on Lord Stanley's chalice for the very first time. If you missed the game, or like the author of this post, just can't seem to remember a hockey game from when you were 4 years old then fret not. You can watch all 8 goals again right here.

Yes that's right someone took the time to re-create Game 6 of the 1991 Stanley Cup Finals between the Pittsburgh Penguins and Minnesota North Stars. Genius... take some time and watch it.

More proof of Pittsburgh's superiority over Cleveland in all aspects of life:

There are plants out there that will eat your children

And rodents. Turns out there is this bastard carnivorous plant in the Philippines that is big enough to trap a rat or other small rodents inside and slowly digest it via flesh-eating enzymes. Nepenthes attenboroughii, named after Brit naturalist Sir David Attenborough, is the newest undiscovered species of pitcher plants.

Mmm. Manflesh...

Which brings me to my next question: how long until we finally discover a Sarlacc? Because, if we remember correctly, what that evil plant from Hell mentioned above does to its prey is pretty much exactly what happened to Boba Fett:

"In his belly you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years."

For now, when vacationing in the Philippines, keep little Timmy within eyeshot. These plants eat people.