Really, dude from Growing Pains?

Turns out when you're a subpar actor in an 80's sitcom and your services are no longer needed now that you've flushed all of that coke, hairspray and Reaganomics out of your system, you turn to evangelism. Which, after all, isn't a bad route to take when the chips are down. Either way, the kid from Growing Pains (who the fuck actually knows his name) released this clever and really breakthrough idea about how to handle the upcoming anniversary of Darwin's satanist work of literature that has since poisoned the minds of our youth and damned all of us to a fiery chasm of sodomy and death. Check it out for yourself:



Breakin' real ground there, Copernicus: combat an idea by amending the book that the idea is in. Real mature. Way to take out all of your aggression about the fact that not everyone in this country is super privy on you all being obnoxious religious nutjobs in public places on science. That's worked for your kind before.

Can you imagine the pants-shitting that would go on among evangelicals if we asked them if, right before God switches the light on in Genesis, we throw a little hubbub about the Big Bang Theory? Or maybe right at the spot when he creates Adam, we place a small disclaimer saying that some people think this process took a couple million years and it involved Adam evolving rather than just appearing out of thin air, riding a Jesus Horse and thinking about America?

Blog Outsourcing 1.0

There were a shit ton of people downtown yesterday.
And they were all sweating, because for the first time in roughly six decades, not a cloud was in the sky in Western PA. The Hockey Gods have a way of keeping your ass in line.

The "Election Commission" in Iran agreed to do a recount.
Let's hope they have a better sense of fairness than, say, the 2000 United States Supreme Court. It's Iran, so we're not too optimistic about it.

PA State Senator Jim Ferlo wants you to protest during the G20 summit.
We don't love state government here at tRBT, but that was ballsy. Much respect to Senator Ferlo. Now tell them to be gentle; they'll be amongst champions.

As if the Republican Party hasn't done enough in the past few months to look like racist assholes,
They go and pull another one of these moves off. Hopefully this will teach them that things circulate pretty quickly online. Granted a racist depiction of Barack Obama isn't a cell phone pic of Miley Cyrus striking a pose in a bikini top, it still managed to get around the net.

Charles Darwin the art influence?
The scientist and author of On the Origin of Species apparently is also responsible for some pretty sweet 19th Century art. Mr. Darwin was not available for comment, as he is not only deceased but also serving out his sentence of eternity in the dark, fiery chasms of Hell.

**UPDATE**
I did not realize that my two favorite blogs do a very similar segment (Empty Netter Assists and Cheap Blogging Crutch). Since our blog was created as a not-so-subtle rip-off of these two respected sources, suck it.

What does this look like?

Does it look like an otter? Maybe a marine/land mammal similar to a muskrat or beaver?

Turns out it's neither: it has been revealed that this here little Puijila Darwini is just science's new, improved way to bite its thumb at the Book of Genesis.

The Puijila, swimming in an ocean of sodomy. Double whammy.

In response, the GOP, citing that they are the viable mouthpiece of God (to hell with that whole Vatican thing) has issued a 2,462-page dissertation on the Puijila. They claim Biblical evidence indicates that this mammal which may be the missing link to evolution is actually a "Jesus-seahorse," which was long thought to be extinct.

In an additional response, the GOP has indicated that they have plenty of things to disagree with liberals about other than the now almost-proven theory of evolution. Social justice, taxes, tea-bagging, gays, torture, waterboarding and the notion that it is not torture, states' rights, abortion, the significance of 90's country music, other kinds of science, foreign policy, interpretation of the constitution and Carrie Prejean's glorious, glorious breastesses are all issues on which the parties can still find no common ground.

How to melt a fundamentalist's mind: Exposed!

Have you ever patiently sat and listened to someone talk about creationism? If you're like me and you end up drop-kicking said person, that is okay. But if you have ever listened, one of the conclusions you most certainly would draw is that it is excrutiatingly painful to do. Having someone argue against a solid scientific theory with religious dogmatic mumbo-jumbo actually has caused a further loss in rational people's faith; this time in humanity, not the divine.

How does one get any relief when confronted with such dumbassness? Chris Matthews found the solution: be calm and seriously ask them if they believe in evolution - then, watch them go absolutely batshit insane.

Do you believe in evolution, sir?" Chris Matthews asked Rep. Mike Pence (R-Ind.), a leading House conservative.

"Um... I, do I believe in evolution? Ah, I, I, ah... I embrace the, uh -- the, uh -- the view, ah, that God created the heavens and the earth, the seas and all that's in them..."

Matthews interrupted. "Right, but do you believe in evolution as a means to get there?"

...Matthews concluded, "I think you believe in evolution, but you're afraid to say so because your conservative constituency might find that offensive."

Ah, I, I, ah...already look like a dumbass so rather than affirming my secret Darwinist beliefs I am going to rattle off something I read in a children's Bible once. Great strategy, Congressman. At least he didn't say we are all thetans reincarnated from an extraterrestrial planet where we were slaves. Cuz that would be even crazier.

At the end of the day, people like Mike Pence are going to thrust their usual rhetoric out of their windpipes, no matter how much of the argument is pure psychobabble caused by the guilt of knowing that what's coming out of that windpipe is pure, skull-raping baloney. And there is nothing you can do about it.

Because, you know, if you don't believe in evolution, you're totally safe from that recent thing that's been in the news. Because if organisms can't evolve, that flu strain is no different than the one that kicked your ass last winter.

Right?