Prepare to die

Well, it looks like CERN went ahead and fixed their Big Bang machine, or as we like to call it, the black hole-generator/earth-destroyer. This means sooner or later they're going to be back to their usual antics of firing high-speed particles at each other with a big-ass piece of equipment.

Which, in our opinion, would have made one hell of a science project in grade school. While Timmy is busy bringing in his stupid volcano and Suzie is showing off the candy solar system her parents put together, me and Josh are setting up our Large Hadron Collider. Pick us first in gym class, or die via black hole. Your move.

What does this look like?

Does it look like an otter? Maybe a marine/land mammal similar to a muskrat or beaver?

Turns out it's neither: it has been revealed that this here little Puijila Darwini is just science's new, improved way to bite its thumb at the Book of Genesis.

The Puijila, swimming in an ocean of sodomy. Double whammy.

In response, the GOP, citing that they are the viable mouthpiece of God (to hell with that whole Vatican thing) has issued a 2,462-page dissertation on the Puijila. They claim Biblical evidence indicates that this mammal which may be the missing link to evolution is actually a "Jesus-seahorse," which was long thought to be extinct.

In an additional response, the GOP has indicated that they have plenty of things to disagree with liberals about other than the now almost-proven theory of evolution. Social justice, taxes, tea-bagging, gays, torture, waterboarding and the notion that it is not torture, states' rights, abortion, the significance of 90's country music, other kinds of science, foreign policy, interpretation of the constitution and Carrie Prejean's glorious, glorious breastesses are all issues on which the parties can still find no common ground.