Mmm...Beer...Manna from Heaven

Holy Jesus we have a lot of posts about booze right now.

Bling blang bloozy

Hot damn there's enough ice on here to need a blue line:

(Why don't you read Pensblog yet?)

'Tis a shame that Detroit could not have snagged these. Since they had to use their last set of Stanley Cup rings to honor their dark pact with Satan and thus no longer have them in their possession, these ones could have been melted down and used as currency over there - or at least as a reserve that equals just a little over four times the amount of Michigan's current GDP. Bummer.

Congrats Hines

Those of you watching the Stillers v. Bungles game just witnessed history. Hines Ward just eclipsed the 10,000 yard mark for his career. He becomes the first Steelers receiver to hit this mark. May he gain many more before his career is done.

Oh ya... and he is not afraid to knock your ass out...

In other beer related news...

Tomorrow, September 24th, 2009, is Arthur Guinness Day. This day signifies the 250th anniversary of the signing by good ol' Art of the lease at his St. James's Gate brewery. This begins the legendary Guinness porter that we all know and love.

Celebrate your Irish heritage (or lack thereof) twice this year with Arthur Guinness' very own holiday. The author of this blog will be downing a pint (or 10) in honor of this great man... and you should too.

Sláinte!

Pabst Blue Ribbon

This has nothing to do with anything, and we're not making any money off of this, but PBR fucking rocks.

Another great idea from our friends on the saved side

I really have to stop reading the news; I would get so much more done at work if I didn't spend half of my day curled up in fetal position and crying about how abominably idiotic people are.

Speaking of fetal position, check out this fresh new idea from some pro-life upstart who is surprisingly hot:



Great idea, except for the fact that pretty much every medical procedure known to man would make people sick if it were done in a public square. For example, although I like drooling over the end product, I bet you Carrie Prejean's boob job wasn't exactly the most fun to watch.

Now that I think of it, neither would a baby being born - hey, there's an idea! Maybe if we start having women give birth on every public square, people would get sick of it and make having kids illegal - thus lowering the probability that one of them is going to grow up to be as obtuse as this canonical haranger.

Please don't remind me of all the awful things you have done, Condy...

Why does Condoleezza feel the need to be the next disgraced former White House administrator to come out and criticize the policies that are attempting to reverse the enormous blunders committed during the years Bush trusted these very people with the function of our government?

And, more importantly, just like Cheney before her, why is she using fear and empty threats of terrorism to perpetuate a policy that - oh yeah - failed?

She offered sharp words for Democrats in Congress who want President Obama to begin making plans to pull out of Afghanistan, a war that is becoming increasingly unpopular with the American public.

"The last time we left Afghanistan, and we abandoned Pakistan," she said, "that territory became the very territory on which Al Qaeda trained and attacked us on September 11th. So our national security interests are very much tied up in not letting Afghanistan fail again and become a safe haven for terrorists.

"It's that simple," she declared, "if you want another terrorist attack in the U.S., abandon Afghanistan."

No, 'Leeza, it's not that simple. Just like how the clusterfuck of death that is the Middle East is not that simple. And despite how smart you allegedly are, you and your fellow Bushies ran your little unilateral, shock-and-awe, go balls-out and show your teeth foreign policy right into the middle of a roadside bomb, and Barack's crew has been left to mop the leftover human debris.

Don't use the rhetoric you used to get us into Iraq in the first place to try and keep us in Afghanistan now. I'm not saying you have no say in any of this, but...yes, I am saying that you should most certainly not have any say in this.

In other words:

Really, dude from Growing Pains?

Turns out when you're a subpar actor in an 80's sitcom and your services are no longer needed now that you've flushed all of that coke, hairspray and Reaganomics out of your system, you turn to evangelism. Which, after all, isn't a bad route to take when the chips are down. Either way, the kid from Growing Pains (who the fuck actually knows his name) released this clever and really breakthrough idea about how to handle the upcoming anniversary of Darwin's satanist work of literature that has since poisoned the minds of our youth and damned all of us to a fiery chasm of sodomy and death. Check it out for yourself:



Breakin' real ground there, Copernicus: combat an idea by amending the book that the idea is in. Real mature. Way to take out all of your aggression about the fact that not everyone in this country is super privy on you all being obnoxious religious nutjobs in public places on science. That's worked for your kind before.

Can you imagine the pants-shitting that would go on among evangelicals if we asked them if, right before God switches the light on in Genesis, we throw a little hubbub about the Big Bang Theory? Or maybe right at the spot when he creates Adam, we place a small disclaimer saying that some people think this process took a couple million years and it involved Adam evolving rather than just appearing out of thin air, riding a Jesus Horse and thinking about America?

Your daily reminder to go get wasted

In the past we have told you, dear reader(s?) that if you get hammalammed, you are doing a great service to your brain and its battle with dementia.

Today, we bring the you the good news that you're less likely to die from brain trauma following a head injury if you have booze in your system.

Experts cautioned people should not interpret the findings as an excuse to drink more alcohol.

The amount of alcohol consumed appears to be important - too little and there is no effect, too much and the beneficial effects are lost, studies on animals suggest.

Experts believe the right dose of alcohol, however, stops the cascade of swelling, inflammation and further destruction of brain cells, known as secondary brain injury.

Okay, we get it, you're not supposed to get completely annihilated in hopes that when you fall down the stairs later you won't die, but still - if the amount of alcohol in your blood stream is important, and alcohol's effect on each person is unique, we're going to experiment with this one. What do we have to lose? It's not like we're going to work tomorrow anyway.

Liberal in the middle of a Radical Shitshow

Hello all. Yeah I am back. After a long hiatus due to Graduate School and a slight substance abuse problem, after having witnessed a flight of military attack helicopters buzz Oakland and after dreaming of Glenn Beck goose stepping down every American main street singing God Bless America, it is time for my return from hiatus.

This is a good old fashioned rant. It won't be flashy, there probably won't be a picture and there will most likely be no linked websites. Frankly I'm lazy, and at work. Besides a quick Google search will easily give you the main link to anything that I am bitching about. Let us start with the G-20. The initial holy shit this is pretty cool warm and fuzzy feelings have given way to the holy shit there are some crazy nut jobs coming here. This is a pretty big deal for our city. The first G-20 to be held outside of a host nations capital. Pittsburgh!? Yes bet your asses Pittsburgh. Suck it Detroit. The international media will finally get to see this city for what it has become, not what it was. At the same time, I am apprehensive excitement for the week to come. I have accepted the fact that at some point I will probably call a protester a jag off. Will I protest? No, some people actually are pretty alright with a more globalized world. Will I get teargassed? Maybe, it would make for one hell of a story. Am I worried that something really bad will happen? Not really. Knowing that this place is basically on lock down, while a hassle, insures that we will all be here on Saturday to talk about it. But these protesters, yes they have every right to protest. Do I think they are idiots, for the most part yes. Mainly you anarchists and anti-capitalists. Get over it. If you are an anarchist and someone organized a march, guess what you have something that resembles leadership. Big hole in your logic don't you think? Anti-capitalists, it doesn't work in practice. Read a history book.

Second item of contention; Tea Parties. President Carter has called those people protesting President Obama's policy's as racists, a claim that the administration was quick to distance themselves from. But are they racists. For the most part, yes. Face it, white people are still afraid of the better educated black man. I have personally met many people that did not vote for him because of the color of his skin. If you can intelligently explain to me why you oppose health care reform, great. You are part of the mall majority that understands socialists policies from Nazi policies.

Then there is Glen Beck. The man who has tirelessly been running into packed Unemployment Offices, Klan rallies, and Country Clubs screaming fire since January has now unveiled his 9/12 project. Really? You want America to feel the way we did the day after the attacks. Personally I was scarred as hell and ready to follow any leader, regardless of IQ or party into the great unknown....later Iraq. Lets not forget that the weeks following 9/12 were full of blind patriotism. We essentially wrote the Bush administration a blank check of our personal freedoms. warrant-less wiretaps, torture and lets forget due process of the law. Alright Glen, why would you oppose our government. The Dixie Chicks spoke out against Bush and their carriers were virtually ended. Why because they have Freedom of Speech? Now that you speak out against your government you are being patriotic. Where is the hypocrisy in that? You and your "patriotic" tea party members should follow your own advice and just pack up and go home. Trust your democratically elected government. Don't question it. After all no one questioned/protested the patriot act. Those who protested it and or the war were labeled as unpatriotic and dangerous . Sucks when you lose an election huh? Fair and balanced my ass.

(Yes this rant was poorly organized and frankly not that good. I still have a lot to do to make up for my long hiatus. Hope this is a start...........Rush Limbaugh can suck it too.)

Damn book snobbery

For some of us massive friggin' nerds bibliophiles, when a book is not deserving of being high atop any list of sorts and still presides there, we tend to get a little testy. Ask any lit elitist if they've read Twilight (no one realistically should do this) and watch their brains melt. Tell a kid in thick-framed glasses outside the Warhol that you're pumped to crack open your new James Patterson novel and risk getting beaten up by hipster scum (this realistically could never happen).

Now, it is no secret that the intellectuals hate Dan Brown. Stephen Fry, who is one of the classiest men on Earth, called The Da Vinci Code "complete loose-stool water. It is arse gravy of the worst kind." Steinbeck, Chabon, Vonnegut and "short fiction" fans everywhere thought about slitting their wrists whilst hearing their peers and colleagues around the water cooler belligerantly promulgating something like "It's so action packed - and it's filled with real facts and history, but it's written like a book. You learn while you read, and it's great! I never knew Jesus moved to France!"

At this moment, one of you good and faithful stewards of the blog are probably slamming your face into something blunt in reaction to the latest literary shitstorm, The Lost Symbol.

However, If you have read anything by this man and you were entertained albeit slighty turned off by some of the awful writing, you will be pleased to know that you are not alone; The Guardian has made a list of their 20 favorite awful Dan Brown Sentences. Read some of our favorites while we finish a chapter or two of the new one (kidding, of course):

10. The Da Vinci Code, chapter 4: Five months ago, the kaleidoscope of power had been shaken, and Aringarosa was still reeling from the blow.

8. The Da Vinci Code, chapter 3: My French stinks, Langdon thought, but my zodiac iconography is pretty good.

3 and 2. The Da Vinci Code, opening sentence: Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum's Grand Gallery.

Angels and Demons, opening sentence: Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh, and he knew it was his own.

19. The Da Vinci Code, chapter 83: "The Knights Templar were warriors," Teabing reminded, the sound of his aluminum crutches echoing in this reverberant space.

Late Night Video Club

Kaki King - Doing the Wrong Thing

Turn it up to hear this well. The woman is fucking mesmerizing. Give the author shit for putting up a solely instrumental music video and he may be forced to cut you. Badly.

So long and good luck

As the Penguins prepare for this season and chasing the Cup, they watch another beloved member of their family move on. Petr Sykora signed a one year $1.6 million contract with the Minnesota Wild.

As Pens fans you really can't be angry at him. He was one of the most clutch players of the post-lockout years and a fan favorite, but his time had passed. Hampered with a shoulder injury for the end of the regular season and all of the playoffs, Sykora watched his ice time drop to nothing, and some fans jumped on him for it. We can't. We simply cannot blame Sykora for anything that went on. He was, is and always will be one of our favorite players, and I speak for all writers of this blog.

The man that kept the Pens alive in the 2008-2009 Cup run. The man who called his own shot. The man who FINALLY got his hat trick. The same man who FINALLY got to hoist the greatest trophy in sports. The man who upon hoisting said Cup said simply "FUCKIN RIGHT!"

We salute you Petr and wish you nothing but luck in what this author hopes to be a very re-vamped version of Minnesota hockey. As a Wild fan (second only to the Pens since even the North Stars years) this author hopes you continue your streak of 20 goal seasons and enjoy every minute of hockey you play.

We had to

Headline badassery

Hopkins student kills intruder with sword

A samurai sword, to be exact...

CALLING ALL WOLVERINES

NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Patrick "Jed Eckert" Swayze, 1952-2009

The real question is, did Obama's death panels kill Swayze? Did the bureaucrats, who presumably admired Swayze's guerilla warfare tactics and ability to navigate the harsh landscapes of Rural Soviet-occupied America enough to consider him a serious threat to their Bolshevik takeover, declare cancer his "end-of-life" option?

Think about it.

Probably the best video ever found

One man who shaped my life as a child, and one man who shaped my life as a Steelers fan with a hateful grudge against Bill Cowher's chicletesque teeth and traitorous ways.

As we forgive those who trespass...nah, screw that

There's nothing that gets a religious nutjob - well, nuts - like abortion. Albeit bringing up stem cell research, climate change, evolution and just science in general certainly holds the capacity to make their minds melt, something strikes these people right in the soft, gooey ravines of their soul when you bring up killing children or babies.

Of course, when we do that in Afghanistan after dropping bombs that look like food packets, it's no big deal - but that is neither here nor there. Or anywhere, really.

But you really gotta give a slow clap to Reverend John Malloy and the Chicago Archdiocese of America for being a paradigm of hope to all of the moral world. You see, the Archdiocese authored a prayer for Teddy Kennedy in his passing. Rev. Malloy, pissed off as all hell that an abortionist babykiller death dealer was specifically mentioned, immediately demanded the Archdiocese rescind their prayer for that booze hound, or at least change the wording.

The original prayer said: "For those who have given their lives to service to their country, promoting values of peace, justice, equality, and liberty; especially, Senator Edward M. Kennedy, that he may find his eternal reward in the arms of God. . . . We pray."

A number of Catholics howled about that language because Kennedy was a strong supporter of abortion rights.

The prayer was rewritten in a more generic fashion: "For all our beloved dead, especially (particular parish intentions), and for Senator Edward M. Kennedy, that they may find their eternal reward in the arms of God. We pray."

Real friggin' classy, guys. I'm sure our kind and merciful God is really proud of you. Unless, of course, any of you are pro-abortion. Then you're pretty much fucked.

Happy eighth anniversary to Glenn Beck's career

But seriously, in the midst of all of these awful shenanigans, town hall chaos and annoying hockey moms being unbelievable insults to humanity, 9/11 kind of puts things back in perspective.

Granted to some, that perspective is "Muslims are trying to destroy America," but luckily that viewpoint is no longer our president's. So we've got that going for us, which is nice.

Oh yeah, Remember this douche?

The BBC thinks this is the summer that is going to define 9/11 conspiracy theories' longevity. Will the "truther" movement finally be quelled by evidence? Or will the commission get lazy and in effect make this thing drag on like the Kennedy assasination? Click here to check it out.

PS: Tomorrow, Glenn's bizarre social experiment or whatever the hell it's supposed to be is going to be on TV. Can't wait to laugh and throw empty IC Light cans at a weeping demagogue strung out on alcohol withdrawal and freedom.

Things that gave us a semi tonight: A story in pictures

First off, the Black Eyed Peas and Tim McGraw both suck pretty majorly in the digital realm, but in real life they are even more, more, more awful. I would have rather had a BBQ stain on my white T-shirt than watch this awful bullshit ever again. Jeff Jimerson should have done a 3-hour set doing specifically Styx covers.

As for our semi:

Here are the two culprits:

One

And done.

Big time semi.

Late Night Video Club

MGMT - Time To Pretend
by gotmullet

We have mecca

In honor of the start of the (mother fuckin') Pittsburgh Steelers season/title defense, we present you the following:



So maybe you don't travel UNDER the river, but the reaction is priceless. Big thanks to Blog N' Gold for the find.

Stillers.

Oh that hot nasty offensive line!

... or something. The Steelers seemingly brought all contract negotiations to a close today when they signed center Justin Hartwig to a four-year $10 million contract. This will likely be the last contract before the end of the season.

In other words, shove it up your ass skippy. OK we don't really hate on Jeff Reed beyond the fact that he is not a fan of paper towel dispensers and spends his time in chode-filled bars of north western PA. Sometimes it is just too easy. Hopefully Jeff gets a contract worth his golden foot sometime at the end of the year, but from past experience it seems like the Steelers organization is going to let the year play out and then figure out who they will and will not sign.

Stillers.

Oh ya... you gimme that ball big boy...

Seeing is believing

Still think this is some kind of media-hyped hippie ploy to get you out of that 4 X 4 Silverado that you have a constitutional right to drive around? Think again:

Nothing says "the world is melting and we are all going to die" better than photos of it actually happening. And yes, the time-lapse photos are peppered with Al-Gore-esque powerpoint boredom; deal with it.

Thank you wise sage

Ask anyone on the street if they believe in god(s) and you may enter into a lengthy discussion of which deity's scripture they follow.

Ask a hockey fan the same question and the answer will be a simple "yes... don't fuck with the Hockey Gods."

These preternatural protectors of the pond can strike down those who deny their power, or teach humility to the young leaders of this sport. For those who do not remember, the latter happened at the beginning of the Penguins' 2007-2008 season when Alice Kilgore, a season ticket holder for many moons, was visited by Sidney Crosby in her home. His duty was to deliver her tickets. Her duty was to deliver a message of utmost importance: " I don't think you'll win the cup this year. Not yet. Maybe next year."

This of course came true as the Penguins fell to Detroit in the Finals. In 2008-2009, after a year in which many thought they might not even make it to the playoffs, the Pens followed the message of dear Alice and won sport's ultimate trophy.

Sidney and the Pens are once again preparing for a new season, and once again Mr. Crosby found himself inside the house of Ms. Kilgore. Crosby delivered her season tickets and Lord Stanley's chalice.

Now some of you may think that Alice's message to the young Penguins was simply coincidental, but we see it as something else. Could she possibly be Pittsburgh's very own hockey goddess? Could she have been set upon this spinning pile of rock simply to spread the word of those like her? It is the opinion of this author that I am not alone in this thought... I believe Crosby, a very superstitious man himself agrees. Bringing the Cup to her house was not merely a thank you to a kind-hearted season ticket holder, but also a gift to appease the Hockey Gods in hopes of another push towards keeping the trophy in Pittsburgh.

Think what you will friends of tRbT... the evidence has been laid before you. We will be sacrificing a pee wee hockey player in honor of Alice Kilgore and the rest of the Hockey Gods spread throughout the world.

Thank you Alice... We await your command...

*Author's note: No we aren't really going to sacrifice a small child you simple-minded twits...*

Late Night Video Club

Because a song about turning into a werewolf is better than a song that is not.

Let's do some gratuitous violence...

Ten FUCKIN' years!?! It's about damn time....

So Long Philippe

Penguins defensemen Philippe Boucher announced his retirement today after winning sport's greatest trophy this past spring.

"For the past 17 years I have been living my dream of playing hockey in the National Hockey League," Boucher, 36, said in a statement. "After finishing this season with the Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins, I realized that is time for me to walk away from the game I love. I have always admired athletes that have retired as champions and I am humbled to have the chance to count myself among them."

A surprise indeed for Pens fans, and this author for one will miss him. He was certainly no spring chicken but at the same time he was solid in the playoffs and would have been a nice veteran presence on defense. So long and thanks good sir.

Best headline ever: sign of the times edition

Man bites off man's finger at Obama healthcare rally

Really, people? We're resorting to biting off people's digits to get our point across?

Can you imagine if this happened during the Constitutional Convention? That would have been one hell of a Madison-Jefferson letter.

M'colleague, Thom, I am writing you whilst taking for granted my very own grip on my quill; today during our elaborate discussion about whether to more faithfully adhere to Thomas Hobbes' Social Contract or Jean-Jacques Rousseau's State of Nature...a guy got his frickin' FINGER bitten off, man...Jesus...just be glad you're overseas banging your slaves, because this is getting pretty ugly.

That's an actual quote from James Madison.

Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey

As of today, we have crossed the "one month" threshold. Go Pens.

We would have just put this on here via Youtube's embedder, but this one's sound quality is so much better. This is why we love hockey: Click here now to watch Kevin Stevens and Brian Trottier verbally accost Brian Bellows.

Thank you Empy Netters for reminding us that this happened. Seth Rorabaugh is like the Albus Dumbledore of hockey bloggers.

Wahhhhhhhhhhh

You have to laugh at everyone going balls-crazy about Mayor Ravenstahl setting some ground rules for protestors at the upcoming G20 summit in Pittsburgh later this month. Although we here at tRBT believe not only in the First Amendment but also in civil disobedience when necessary, we have to shake our heads at the class acts going bonkers all over the place. We will get to our reasons in a moment.

First, here's the story thus far. In light of recent protests at previous G20 summits, our young Mayor decided to put some limitations on what people can and cannot bring to their respective rage against the machine. Some of the things not allowed are handcuffs, piping, masks and 2x4's. Consequently, every attention whore in the city, the most guilty being veteran protest ham David Meiern of Squirrel Hill, has decided to voice their opinion about how Luke Ravenstahl is trying to limit their rights of free speech and, in one woman's unfortunately mixed-up opinion, abortions (?!).

"Why am I wearing this polar bear mask, you might ask," Mr. Meiern said. "It may be that I want to commit a crime, or it may be that the ice upon which polar bears are depending is melting as we speak."

Not to dignify an asenine comment like that with a response, but we compiled a list of things we are concerned about as well, and it has nothing to do with polar bears - sorry Mr. Meiern. But when you're getting ready to stand outside of a bank or a Starbuck's (where you probably bought a cup of coffee last week) or a Panera bread or wherever the fuck you think a news camera from the station you DVR'ed is, please keep the following in mind:

• Where were you folks, you know, the rest of the time? Suddenly, now that the finance ministers and bank governors from 19 other countries are coming to town you're pissed off about corporations? Why take your anger out on Giant Eagle and PNC Bank now, when as soon as this is over you're going to go back to whatever it is you people do, which most likely is nothing?
• Don't waste carbon dioxide vomiting up idiotic banter about animals that you truly are making no effort to save. In fact, the economic policies of the countries of which you're so pissed off about probably allocate more money to conservation efforts than you save on your water bills by only showering once a week - so get over yourself.
• You are not Che Guevara. You are a guy or a gal on his or her lunch break with a sign. You are not in Palestine; you are in Pittsburgh. Relax, and if you throw something at the cop, he's going to beat you and arrest you, and it's not "the system's" fault - it's yours for being that immature about it.
• Please don't hurt anything too badly in the city, we really really like it. Like a lot.

That is all. Again: we like protesting. We just really hate stupid people.

You better hope he doesn't turn into the Power Morpher with Dragon Power Coin in the Octagon

Remember this badass man who rocked your childhood, Thomas "Tommy" Oliver?

"Yinz guys don't even know. Kimberly's a craaaazy freak."

Turns out Jason David Frank, the actor who played the Green friggin' Ranger in Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger decided that fighting to defend some dude's giant head preserved in a glass tube just wasn't enough; he wants to kick some ass in the MMA world.

"I was supposed to fight in 2007, but it fell through. In truth, I've wanted to put the work in until I'm ready," Frank said from the Suckerpunch website. "I know I have a target on my back. Everyone is going to want to beat up the Green Ranger. But I am no Kimbo; I've been training for a very long time.

Okay, I'm not exactly the world's biggest UFC fan, but I will watch the Green Ranger kick ass again. That is a fact. If Cable comes out of retirement and decides he wants to join Blackwater, I'll know that my wildest childhood dreams are coming true.

Hot damn Pittsburgh is sexy

At this time in exactly one month, we'll be pouring the booze into our aluminum foil Stanley Cups, firing up some stogies, eating man-food and loving our lives.

Not the kind of person that likes waiting a whole month to witness glory? You've got eight days to see another team defend its title.

You just got excited. Admit it.

And no, the Pirates aren't playing in October, because they are about as good at baseball as we are at not getting herpes.

God wanted me to post this

Next time you commit an enormous blunder like, I don't know, being an adulterous asshole and then lying about where you are going and then getting caught in a torrid love affair with a steamy Argentinian woman - then getting called out about using public funds for private expenses - simply know that when all else fails and your back is against the ropes, you can always use God as leverage.

As part of a fresh round of interviews designed to help save his job, South Carolina governor Mark Sanford suggested a higher power wants him to remain in office, and called his now legendary Appalachian Trail deception "a little white lie".

...

"I feel absolutely committed to the cause, to what God wanted me to do with my life," Sanford told the Washington Times. "I have got this blessing of being engaged in a fight for liberty, which is constantly being threatened."

So God wants you to carry on, wayward son. Makes sense. God has allegedly told alot of people to do a lot of ridiculous things during his tenure as Omnipotent Ruler of All, and the one common denominator is that all of these recipients of his message tend to be batshit insane. Why is that, "Money" Mark?

On another note, I wonder: How does God feel about all of this? Don't you think he's up there going, "Jesus! No, not you, son, I'm just saying, these stupid bastards keep citing me as a shameless excuse for all of the moronic and awful things that they do, and it's getting a little ri-Me-damn-diculous. I'm getting blamed for more things than the Jews! Come on, lighten up over there, Moses. Don't look at me like that."

Oh How Far We've Come

The following is a video depicting the changes in Hollywood effects over 100 years... Take five minutes and enjoy...

Another reason to love Ben & Jerry's ice cream

Excellent work, gentleman. Keep bringin' the liberal thunder; somebody's gotta do it.

The whole scoop (every pun intended) here.

Diesel

This happened yesterday, but it's great news. Five more years of the bow-and-arrow/funky dance celebration from our very own Stormin' Mormon, Brett Keisel. 5 years, $18.885 million. So long as Keisel eats at least one quarterback per season, that is one hell of an ROI.

Prepare for the frost

In what has to be God's wrath for electing a leader who is going to implement a socialist commie Hitleresque health care plan which would certainly kill every baby (except for the ones delivered via c-section), allow gays to be as miserable as the rest of us, kill your grandmother, keep poor people alive and force you to bow before a statue of Muhammad beating Thomas Jefferson to death with a hammer and sickle, the Farmer's Almanac has predicted "numbing cold" this winter.

Or, if not an act of a vengeful deity pissed off about all of these liberal shenanigans, could this unimaginable cold be something else? Maybe:

Ice-9, the real culprit behind this winter's numbing cold

No Bokonon sightings yet, but something tells me this is what's really going down. And the overall spiritual hatred for Barack Obama. That too.

Tattoo on the back...might as well be a bullseye

Sweet new tat, Ovie:

Oh, wait, nevermind. That tatoo blows. And you're a tool.