Thursday, January 21, 2010

John Edwards: Caught with his "Pants on the Ground"

You know, Josh and I were really beginning to enjoy our brief sabbatical from the blogging world. We've been swamped at work, booze-drenched on the weekends and overall too disgruntled with the very news we were perusing each day for inspiration to jot down one word of any real weight on this thing (which of course would be one word more than anything else on here that's worth a damn).

In retrospect, we missed golden opportunities time after time to post poignant, shrewd remarks about current events, which seemed to get stranger each day of this new decade:

- We allowed Mark McGwire to get off scott-free, without even a "lick my taint" tag from Rustbelt (we've got you now, Markie - see below - oh yeah, and fuck you).

- We didn't contribute, for obvious reasons, to the media shitstorm and profiteering from the terrible tragedy in Haiti. Hell, we let Pat Robertson blame a pact with Satan on that earthquake - without even a "lick my taint" tag for him either! (done and done - oh yeah, fuck you too, Pat Robertson).

- I think an election upset happened, too...we'll let the pros cover this one.

- We didn't get the opportunity to proclaim loudly to our five readers (if they're even still around) that we are, in fact, with Coco, something that among all of these missed opportunities I am actually truly sorry for. Our hatred for NBC in reaction to them closing down the big screen outside of the Igloo will be duly sustained for years to come . Or until we cave and watch 30 Rock.

But it was not the events above, dear reader, that got us out of the Fortress of Solitude we were hunkered down inside somewhere in the Yukon. All appropriate enough to bring an exile's return, it would take more to get two lazy bloggers off of their asses, into clean clothes and out of our fuzzy obscurity that has been 2010. And John Edwards did it for us, in more ways than one.

What a guy. Now that I have gotten to what I had initially wanted to comment on, it has a degree of frivolity to it that almost seems silly to go on. The bastard cheated on his wife multiple times, who at the time was being treated for cancer. That alone is reason enough to never regard John Edwards as a good guy for the rest of his nice haircut-sporting life. But, after all of that, to resurface in the news nearly two years later with the confirmation that you have a love child? Wow.

This is a guy that really had a free ride into his second consecutive campaign as a candidate for Vice-President of the United States. He was a fulcrum in the midst of the see-saw of death and bodily fluids that was the Obama-Clinton primary. Through the debates he emitted that squeaky-clean, Southern Democrat, safe-bet-for-a-VP aura. But it turned out he was not only a big enough douche to cheat on his wife, but a big enough moron to get one of those lucky ladies pregnant. What an unbelievable piece of shit.

At least, amidst all of the other bad shit happening, Edward's admission of his wrongdoing is helping make this decade a success: by starting off with your standards exceedingly low, we certainly are not destined for disappointment in the roaring 'teens. Not the way we're going.

That's actually the exact mind-state we have been in regarding the blog.

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