BE THE PUMPKIN!

Happy Halloween... Dance and be merry.

Happy Halloween, you bastards

Yes

Notwithstanding our glorious sports teams and our one embarrassing one, the first thing that comes to mind when you think Pittsburgh is beer. A working class city with a football problem like the 'Burgh has always had a good, dedicated booze-swilling following for local brews like Rolling Rock (RIP), Penn Pilsner and "Ahrn" City.

Alongside and usually hand-in-hand with beer is another thing that Pittsburgh loves - its music. There is a profoundly dedicated following for local acts like the Clarks, Joe Grushecky and the crown jewel of Pittsburgh rock, Donnie Iris.

The thick-framed glasses-wearing Beaver native has been rocking for decades. Donnie is to Pittsburgh rock and roll what Reggie Jackson's home run against the light tower in the '71 All-Star game is to baseball: monumental. Even Donnie's name is Pittsburgh.

So when you combine the two, you get probably the most Pittsburgh thing known to man.

And, according to the Trib, it is going to be on sale soon.

I am physically preparing my body to be ready to take cases of this at a time upon its release. King Cool beer from the King of Cool himself. This is epic.

Stay classy, Vatican

Vatican condemns Hallowe'en as anti-Christian

Ah, yes, because a holiday in which, as we mentioned earlier this week, children dress up like ghouls and get free candy and adults dress slutty and get trashed is such a blatant move by the devil to get us off of Jesus' side. Because these people take their minds off of the baby Jesus for one day to dress up like Frankenstein, we are all waiving our rights to paradise. No thanks, Vatican. Stop taking our lives so seriously. Then again, I guess that's what we pay you for. Sigh.

This week in discrediting 24-hour news networks

We don't necessarily like putting back-to-back videos on here (call us a little obsessive compulsive, but this blog is our baby: back up, bitches), but this is an eleven-minute investment you really need to make right now.

Enter Jon Stewart, who is thankfully doing the work that the rest of these alleged media watchdogs and government skeptics are blatantly coming up short on. He tactfully points out in this clip the absurdities in this story that, by the end of this clip, will make you want to throw a chair out of the nearest window and just rage. Behold:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
For Fox Sake!
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

Woe to you, America, when you lose this man. If he takes Letterman's spot, I am going to kill myself.

This is a little uncomfortable

You have to respect this man for reminding us all and, uncomfortably sometimes, his guests that he too has a conscience:



Apology accepted, Shep. What a man.

Like friggin' clockwork

actual photo, sadly, from Greater Things. Don't click on that link.

Read this article - but if it gives you the spooks, know that it has nothing to do with the upcoming holiday that, according to that article you better have clicked on and read, is nothing but demonic soul-raping satanist lies.

No, according to wingnut and pseudo-holyman Pat Robertson's blog, the day that kids dress up and get free candy and adults dress up slutty and get shitfaced is a feast of the devil!

The word "holiday" means "holy day." But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is "hallow," which means "holy, consecrated and set apart for service." If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer's!
...
During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

What?!? My Almond Joys have been prayed over by witches before they reached my grocery store? Does Satan hang out down at the wholesalers?

This shouldn't actually suprise anyone, as the ultrareligious crazies have pretty much tried to get rid of everything fun; not just everything halloween-related. Other amenities include booze, Harry Potter, sex, art, other religions, stories about gay penguins, and actual fun.

I almost made it through an entire post without swearing

Remember that douche with a bow tie from CNN's Crossfire? The guy that Jon Stewart decimated on the air, which resulted in the cancellation of the program and the mass exodus of its hosts to other 24-hour news networks?

His name is Tucker Carlson, and his straw man arguments against the left are - surprise! - inching toward the Ann Coulters of the world in recent days, primarily due to the fact that lately some White House staffers - who ironically, are liberal Democrats, I know, shocker - have been a bit critical of Fox News.

Tucker's take on the matter is a bit different. He thinks that, since Fox has a view slightly different than the White House's perspective, the Obama Administration is attempting to criticize and discredit them.

This is all, in minds similar to Tucker's, a blatant attempt to make an example out of Fox in order to shush any future dissent to Obama's agenda. It has nothing to do with Fox's credibility as a news organization, since the only people who claim it has any are beyond our - and certainly the White House's - help.

In his conclusion, Tucker issues a warning to those journalists who seem to be turning the other cheek to this unwarranted hostility from the White House:

Which is something the White House press corps ought to keep in mind as it stands by in silence while Fox is bullied: Your politics won’t save you. You’ll be next.

Unfortunately for Tucker, those who are standing in silence know that bullshit fear mongering and empty anti-progressive rhetoric might fly with Greta Von Susteren, but it is undoubtedly of no value to rational human beings looking for real news.

See I got some real problems...

Like what to do tomorrow and the day after that.

Enter Patterson Hood, lead singer of Drive By Truckers. If you've heard the Truckers before we strongly endorse picking up Murdering Oscar (and other love songs). If you've never before heard this southern rock glory, go out and grab Decoration Day and Southern Rock Opera, both are clutch albums.

Hood's work on Murdering Oscar is far less intense than the songs written for Truckers. There is a intimacy in this work that is not found on the full band's albums. The album puts forth a very close setting, acoustic driven feel with dark, almost heart wrenching lyrics. Filled with steel guitar and Hood's raspy southern drawl even the country music haters (count this author among them) will enjoy this.

Find a nice preview of his work and an interview on NPR's World Cafe.

This is actually really good

Thank you Eddy Spaghetti for finding this. This has to be the best "I'm on a Boat" parody to date.

This week in ballsy mayors

This is a few weeks old, but according to multiple sources and reported in the City Paper, Pittsburgh's Boy Mayor had some choice words for his G20 critics at the ACLU - and he did it all ironically donning riot gear. This is genius:

It's not every day you hear about Mayor Luke Ravenstahl appearing in police riot gear, taunting the head of the local American Civil Liberties Union and dropping the f-bomb in front of the city's media elite.
...
Ravenstahl used his moment on stage to send a message to ACLU state legal director Vic Walczak, who has sharply criticized the city's handling of G-20 protesters. According to multiple sources, Ravenstahl said something like this: "I heard we're going to face a free-speech lawsuit. Well, I have some free speech for you -- fuck you, Vic Walczak."

What a beast. We knew there was a reason why we liked the guy. Go get 'em, Luke. Just be home before the streetlights come on, or Onorato's going to get all "goosey" on you.

Thank you, Sir:

Fun times in Cleveland todayyyyyyy

You know your city has a god-awful football team when a music magazine's political contributor writes an editorial about how miserable, abysmal and desolate the future of said football team is.

Such is the case of our friends over by the lake, the Cleveland Browns. Not only have they been sucking immensely since about the time the Pirates stopped winning, but in recent years they have squandered talent and have given sub-par quarterbacks starting gigs while wasting draft picks on other equally overrated quarterbacks. Matt Taibbi, one of our many man-crushes, had an interesting take on the Browns' woes, as well as their coaching choice - who he refers to as Augustus Gloop, the fat kid that drank all of the chocolate in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Jesus.

In its latest issue, the iconic music magazine stepped outside its usual arena with a harsh critique of Mangini, comparing him to Augustus Gloop, the fictional overeater in Roald Dahl's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and calling his short coaching tenure in Cleveland "a sort of Hurricane Andrew of football mismanagement."

Although it is not mentioned in this local news blurb, Taibbi also designates the Browns as "the most fucked franchise in all of sports right now."

The issue hits the newsstand October 29, but the constant berating of all Clevelanders, luckily, needs no release date.

Holy frakkin' shit

Little needs to be said about this. I mean really guys, come on...

If you, like this author, are a fan of the Battlestar Galactica series (except for the STUPID fucking ending), then this will put your sausages in the skillet. In an attempt to promote their new two-hour movie Battlestar Galactica: The Plan, SyFy and Maxim teamed up to make Grace Park and Tricia Helfer to do their best porn star impersonations... Which they pull off well. Go here for more tasty goodness. So say we all.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... Part 2

You got a problem with my fuckin' beard?!?

It appears the Penguins will once again be without one of the league's best defensemen for four to six weeks. Gonchar, a key component of the Penguin's powerplay, broke a bone in his wrist during last night's 5-1 win over the St. Louis Blues.

Is this as troublesome as the recent injury to a key member of the other championship Pittsburgh team? Not quite. While Gonch is clutch and a fan favorite this may be a bit of a blessing in disguise. Kris Letang, who becomes a restricted free agent at seasons end, will have a chance to show management why he deserves a long term deal, and vice versa.

Hopefully this also helps keep Gonchar, who is 35, a bit more fresh for the latter half of the season when having him sitting on the point waiting to blast one past any unsuspecting goalies is key. Rest up Sergei and we will see you in a few weeks.

China as our paradigm of environmental hope?

Courtesy of our friends over in the Old Empire comes this story (and video, if you click the link) of a concept building China is in the process of constructing. Positioned at a perpendicular angle to a consistent wind stream, this example of green-building-badassery has the ability to keep wind turbines spinning on its flat side and sunlight absorption on its concave side. Below is a design of the building with supplemental bullet points - both courtesy of the BBC, which is kind of like the CNN of Britain, only with credibility and sans all of this stuff.

1 - High temperature fuel cells complement the sustainable systems

2 - The outer skin controls glare and includes a photovoltaic system for energy

3 - Wind turbines generate power which can be fed to mechanical equipment

4 - The design incorporates a "high performance" building envelope

5 - An air displacement system relies on raised floors

6 - Cooling tower water passes through embedded tubes in the building

Our thoughts here at the tRBT is, although we don't necessarily trust all of the info that comes out of that commie bastard county of China, this is certainly a step in the right direction, especially coming from a nation that is responsible for polluting the skies of other nations. Expect a lot more concepts like this one to come out in the near future before any building actually gets done, though. You know how this goes.

However, it wouldn't be a bad idea to set one of these bad boys up right along the Mon, or anywhere else in our fair city. Any yinzer waiting for a bus down on Penn Avenue in February knows the epic, soul-crushing wind tunnel that is the whole of downtown Pittsburgh.

Late Night Video Club

Wolf Parade - I'll Believe in Anything

Quite possibly the best drunken anthem ever made.

Andrew quit the blog

Apparently he's all mad at me for asking him not to use the "c-word" on this thing, is continuously calling me "a Republican asshole bastard shithead" and threatening to not invite me out next time they're drinking pumpkin beer at my favorite brewery.

This has actually been a long time coming. Someone found footage of our first spat:

Reason 243,687,001 the human race is fucking doomed

We still believe that witches exist and are out to make our lives fucking miserable:

Five women were paraded naked, beaten and forced to eat human excrement by villagers after being branded as witches in India's Jharkhand state.

Now according to the article this is a common occurrence, you know, making someone literally eat shit and die, but the fact that video footage is included apparently makes this all the better.

Nothing like picking people out of a crowd and pinning all our problems on them. Everyone does it... This just happens to be an extreme example thereof. Lost the football game? The fucking kicker was too sober to kick the ball. Wife left you? The goddamn hooker wouldn't get dressed fast enough! US auto industry gone to hell? Who knew that making nothing but piss poor cars with horrendous gas mileage would come back to haunt you?!

Anyway you look at it we all need people to blame. Witches are bad... we must kick them repeatedly, strip them naked, drag them through the street and feed them shit.

Or, you know, burn them:

This week in anti-semitic defenses

We proudly present the case of South Carolina once again being full of pompous assholes. Exhibit #135 would be Republican Party Chairmen Edwin Merwin and James Ulmer defending the honor Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) who was criticized for not bringing enough money back home.

These two baboons took it upon themselves to compare Sen. DeMint to a Jew:

There is a saying that the Jews who are wealthy got that way not by watching dollars, but instead by taking care of pennies and the dollars taking care of themselves. By not using earmarks to fund projects for South Carolina and instead using actual bills, DeMint is watching our nation’s pennies and trying to preserve our country’s wealth and our economy’s viability to give all an opportunity to succeed.

Wow. We know many people who have made "jew jokes" including those who actually practice said belief system, but what doesn't come to mind is anyone being idiotic enough to use said comments in public. Let alone to defend someone for being a tight ass.

Morons.

Pulp Fiction: Google Wave Version

You gotta give it to Google for not only toughing it out as a basic search engine (even achieving some universality in that field), but also for constantly developing other cool stuff for nerds, like Google Earth and Chrome, which are both pretty awesome. While Yahoo! kind of just shit its pants after achieving some early net fame, Google was busy developing stuff like Gmail, which is by far the sexiest browser-based e-mail to date.

Behold Google's latest creation, Wave. And what better way to show it off than performing one of Samuel L. Jackson's best scenes on film?

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The silver lining of our current economic shitstorm

It's not just Americans that are getting sent home early from the assembly line and having their loans default and homes foreclose. Much like black-and-white photos unemployment lines, tenement houses and a bummed-out Woodie Guthrie symbolized the Great Depression in the 1930's, down-and-out terrorists looking for work elsewhere will surely embody the current state of the world's economy. Because when a brainwashed youth can't receive adequate suicide-bombing training and an anti-Western-and-Semitic education, you know it's time to get that dollar strength back up. Buy gas, people!

Senior Treasury official David Cohen said al-Qaeda had made several appeals for funds already this year.

The influence of the network - damaged by US efforts to choke funding - is waning, he said.
The Taliban, meanwhile, are in better financial shape, bolstered by Afghanistan's booming trade in drugs.

According to Mr Cohen, the al-Qaeda leadership has already warned that a lack of funds was hurting the group's recruitment and training efforts.

I don't know what's more bizarre: the fact that al-Qaeda actually has appealed for money or that they feel the need to warn us that their recruitment is down. Can you imagine that phone call?

This week in unneccessary religious chaos

You gotta love Malaysia for getting pissed off all the time over American movies, TV shows and music. Apparently, the entertainment coming from a nation that still thinks Dinosaurs only died a few thousand years ago, the ice caps melting is really just angel tears and scientific theories are sidelined in favor of southern-accent-peppered televangelist interpretations of Biblical allegories is too gratuitous and sexual for their hardline Islamic eyes.

It appears that Malaysian religious leaders don't want Beyonce coming to their shores and performing her bubbly, scantily clad, well-choreographed numbers and getting all those Malaysian men all hot and bothered.

Knowles also canceled a planned performance in Malaysia in 2007 following protest threats by the opposition Islamic party. At the time, her talent agency said the show was called off due to a scheduling conflict.

Instead, Knowles went to Indonesia, also a largely Muslim country, which has less stringent rules about how performers should dress and behave. Female artists at Malaysian concerts are required by government rules to cover up from the shoulders to knees, with no cleavage showing.

No cleavage?! No wonder these people are so angry all the time. And doesn't Malaysia owe us the right to sport our American cleave whenever we want to after we saved their political system from the clutches of this man?

You're welcome, you ungrateful bastards.

This week in the Robot Takeover

You thought it was over. You had been routinely checking this blog for more news on the Carnegie Science Center's Robo-World or whatever euphemism they're using over there for ROBO-UPRISING WITH THE INTENTION OF ENSLAVING OUR PESKY CARBON-BASED OVERLORDS, and you were under the presumption that, for the time being, the onslaught was over.

Sadly, this is not the case. In fact, our perennial robo-enemies at iRobot are one step closer to being able to morph into a goo, slip in through cracks and kill you and your parents while you sleep.

As a new kind of chemical robot (or chembot), the blob bot has stretchy silicone skin, which is composed of multiple cellular compartments that each contain a "jammable slurry." When some of these cells are unjammed, and an actuator in the center of the robot is inflated, the robot inflates in the areas of the unjammed cells. By controlling which cells are unjammed, the researchers can change the shape of the robot and make it roll in a specific direction.

The new robot is being funded by DARPA, which gave iRobot $3.3 million to work on the chembot last year. The goal is to build a robot that can squeeze through tiny openings smaller than its own dimensions, which could be valuable in a variety of missions.

Yeah, like the mission T-1000 had where he morphed his limbs into all kinds of weapons, only to become Johnny Cash's father and probably kill him too.

On top of it all, iRobot released a video of how it works, perhaps to jazz us all up about technology so that, when the revolt happens, we blindly submit our sovereignty in exchange for a sweet iPod Touch with one of those fancy workout armbands...God do I love listening to Nickelback and Fergie while I sweat off that Sammy's corned beef...anyways, here it is:

Hells Ya!

Overall its been a pretty awesome year for our fair city. Superbowl, check. Stanley Cup, check. G-20, check. And while a lot of this, especially the media exposure for the G-20, has shown that we are in fact not a decaying shell of its former self like oh say Detroit, the little boy inside of me still gets a chubby when I come across a screen shot like this one...

This image is from the upcoming Modern Warfare 2 video game due out November 10th. Yes it appears that Pittsburgh is on fire. And yes those are warships sailing up the Ohio River. Still Awesome. While the developers would not comment on whether or not this is simply concept art or an actual mission in the game, it is still pretty hard. And let's all hope it is in the game. There is something about the prospect of sniping Russians from the top of Polish Hill that seems all too fun yet historically fitting.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Mmm...Quarterback."

Just as the Steelers' defense is looking to get their heads out of their collective ass with the welcome of the previously absent Blitz this season as well as the return of Troy Polashampu, we sadly learn that one of the most feared and respected monsters on any D-line, Aaron Smith, could be out for a significant amount of time due to an injured shoulder.

Are we worried? A little. Do we think Tomlin, being the classy man that he is, knows what to do? Absolutely. Expect seeing Ziggy Hood in there from time to time, but not as a full-time replacement.

**Update: it's the season, folks. Damn it to hell!**

Holla back, stereotypes

Just like when a sports team makes the leap of faith into the world of young people using technology that is changing faster than Tara Reid's stomach, it is equally unwise for a political party to similarly make an attempt. Obama lucked out with Facebook and hasn't looked too awful, but RNC Chairman Michael Steele has gone too far. Not only has he started a blog (it will probably get updated less than this one), but he has gone and named it What Up?

Really, Mike? What up? White kids in the suburbs don't even use that word anymore, and your votes are safe with them anyways. Unfortunately for you, The only thing that is going to make the GOP appealing to young urban people is if, you know, you drop that whole GOP thing.

I really dig the first post, though. It starts out with a vague tribute to the internet and social networking tools:

The Internet has been around a while, now. But, I still find it an amazing platform for innovation, not just in technology, but in life. Beyond admiring the way it powers so many inventions and businesses, it has become a personal thing for me. I love the fact that, wherever I might be, I can use technology to see my family and chat with them, and Social Media to tap into what my friends are doing.

Today, I want to begin to better connect with Republicans everywhere.

Internet! Connect! Republicans! Okay, you've got my attention, Mike. Go on:

My first blog entry, therefore, is really a couple of questions for you; use the comment button to send me replies. We will run as many questions as we can, which I will answer.

Why are you are Republican? Think about that for a minute.

No, I don't want to think about that for a minute. Gross! Also, I'm sure there are some serious questions and lucrative answers after the "Read More" tab, but the What Up? staff must have been too busy catching up on Glenn Beck YouTube videos to realize that the link was broken. So that's all the fun we can have right now.

But seriously: What Up? That is unreal. And, sadly, this is just one of the many, many, many racial tightropes that Steele has walked as of late. What a strange guy.

Stay Classy IUP

Man charged with assaulting police horse

Yes, that is the true headline... A man assaulted a horse and was subsequently tossed in jail. These are the type of things only drunken undergrads would do yes? Well...

Police say 37-year-old Reed Ciotti of Indiana, Pa., pushed the horse, then grabbed the animal's reins when police asked Mr. Ciotti to move out of the area while they dealt with another incident. Police say this all incident happened about 1:35 a.m. yesterday.

Maybe not... To be honest if Indiana University of Pennsylvania's homecoming is anything like the other small state colleges in the area, seeing an alumnus stumbling through town with a beer in hand looking to fight a horse isn't exactly out of the ordinary.

After much research, the authors of this blog discovered video evidence of the incident and the end result is just shocking:

You big, dumb, walrus-looking douche

Seriously, what a chode.

You really have to give it up to John Bolton. After being appointed U.S. Ambassador by George W. Bush and thus eternally associated with the failure, incompetence and dishonesty that the former president's administration was most famous for, he is taking the ground that everyone else from that era seems to be taking: the embittered, overly-critical and skeptical over all things Democratic ground. It's like they fell on their head and have forgotten how piss-poor the last eight years have been. Anyway, here's Captain Grundel on Obama's guilt trip Nobel Peace Prize nomination:

“I was nominated three years ago and I’m still waiting for the call,” laughs Bolton. “Today’s news is just another demonstration of how politicized the Nobel Peace Prize has become, from President Carter winning in 2002, to Al Gore in 2007, and President Obama in 2009.

You're so right, mustache! Because Carter's Habitat for Humanity is such a shitty, poorly-run program that doesn't really accomplish anything. This was SUCH a partisan move on the Nobel people. And that Gore guy was a Democrat, too! What the hell did he do to deserve it, other than throw away any future political ambitions to make a book and powerpoint presentation that may have been the most catalytic effort in the advocacy for climate change since the fucking ice caps started melting?

Or, maybe, I dunno, they're giving it away to people who think before they just start vomiting out idiotic, bitter and divisive banter.

I don't even know why we're pissed about this. We don't take you seriously, and we especially didn't after we watched Stewart tear you a new one a few years ago:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
John Bolton
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

Jackass...

Good Morning, Mr. President. You won the Nobel Peace Prize

After the initial "Holy shitballs!" that happened in all of our brains, especially before a cup of coffee, it is settling in that having a guy like Barack Hussein Obama as the leader of the Free World is kind of a big deal, not just to us red-blooded, tea-baggin' Americans.

And you know what? Despite all of the dismal figures and embarrassing news stories coming out almost hourly, damnit are we proud of the guy. For wisdom on all of this, we're looking to former Polish President and Nobel laureate Lech Walesa:

"This is probably an encouragement for him to act. Let's see if he perseveres. Let's give him time to act."

Amen, Lech. Amen.

Sweet baby jesus YES!

For those of us who were not present at the Gibson Ampitheatre in LA last night here is some epic friggin' news. Apparently the show, which I can only assume was awesome, was made much more so when the following started:

Yes ladies and gents Temple of the Dog reunited for to play one of the 90's best songs: "Hunger Strike". Article can be found here... I'd go into more detail, but it is hard to type and listen to the crowd sing along word for word in awe.

Late Night Video Club

Deer Tick - Dead Flowers from LaundroMatinee on Vimeo.

This guy is 23 years old. So long as he evades the dreaded 27 club, he's going to be around making tasty jams for quite some time. If you don't have War Elephant and Born on Flag Day yet, purchase them or steal them immediately. If you didn't know this was a Stones cover, you should probably stop reading this blog.

Suck it, world

That's right, all you naysayers. While you all were sleeping and worrying about the recession and wars and a Congress that can't get anything done and the climate and Jon & Kate, the U.S. reclaimed her spot on the ranks, despite 8 previous years of squandering other nations' trust and looking hysterically moronic 90% of the time.

Behold! A chart to prove it:

Ahnolt-GfK Roper Nation Brands IndexSM Overall Brand Ranking (Top 10 of 50 Nations)
	2009	2008
1.	United States	Germany
2.	France	France
3.	Germany	United Kingdom
4.	United Kingdom	Canada
5.	Japan	Japan
6.	Italy	Italy
7.	Canada	United States
8.	Switzerland	Switzerland
9.	Australia	Australia
10.	Spain, Sweden (tie)	Sweden

Source: 2009 and 2008 Anholt-GfK Roper Nation Brands IndexSM

So next time you look at the unemployment rate in the country (9.5, last time I checked...ouchies), know that the "America" nation-brand, whatever the hell that means, is back on top again. Damn skippie.

Say no shit:

Seems like FOX News wants us to go to war, eh?

By a two-to-one margin the public thinks the U.S. will eventually need to use military force to stop Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons -- 59 percent think so, while 29 percent think Iran can be stopped without the use of force.

Furthermore, 61 percent of Americans support the U.S. taking military action to stop Iran, including majorities of Democrats (53 percent), Republicans (73 percent) and independents (55 percent). Some 28 percent of Americans oppose military action against Iran.

Amazing how those FOX polls just always make it glaringly evident how little we are doing around the world militarily.

Speaking of global deployment, I wonder what the pollsters would report if the question was how many Americans knew we still had hundreds of thousands of troops still deployed in places like Germany and Japan? Or tens of thousand in places like Spain, Italy or Turkey?

Also, if you're ever wondering how to differentiate between a FOX News poll and any other one, simply look for the subtle hints suggesting that government stop spending so much money on programs (cough cough, welfare) and stop intervening in all of our lives (except wiretapping). For example:

Most people -- 77 percent -- say they are worried about Iran obtaining nukes. That's the same number as say they are worried about the increasing size of the federal deficit (77 percent) and about the same that worry the federal government is spending too much money (79 percent).

How incredibly profound!

In terms of the war banter, you listen here media: we're sick of this bullshit. Stop lying to us and then sending us into countries that half of our nation can't even point out on a fucking map. Before you shit your pants about how volatile Iran's nuclear plans are, make sure they have nuclear plans. Because we all remember what happened last time you fearmongerers decided to stop reporting real news.

This week in censorship: Gay Penguin edition

Did you know it's Banned Books Week? Well it is.

Anyways, it seems that we here at tRBT have had a slight "Eureka!" moment regarding the psyche of some of these very strange fundamentalist ideologues. In this breakthrough discovery, we (well, someone else really) have found that it is not evolution that makes them the angriest, not healthcare, not even poor people getting some help with that whole living thing. It is the overall concept of gay penguins.

Yes, it appears that of all the books that have been requested by parents, churches or that asshole from Growing Pains to be banned, the number one spot belongs to none other than And Tango Makes Three, a children's story about a family of male penguins. Big no-no among the saved.

The sodomite penguins are trailed by His Dark Materials, a story that has a Catholic-esque church as the sort-of bad guy in the story, so it is naturally requested to be banned a lot. You know, because churches have never, ever been the bad guys. Ever.

In light of this week, I'm going to read some Harry Potter. Which, by the way, made headlines of its own earlier when it was discovered that some good and faithful stewards in the Bush Administration decided against giving J.K. Rowling a U.S. Presidential Medal of Freedom a few years ago because her books "promoted witchcraft."

Let's all do a slow clap for America. Who wants a drink?