Monday, August 31, 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

Say goodbye to the next 30-or-so minutes of your life

If you're like me, at some point you took a language course and figured that you would just breeze through it with the help of Babelfish (aptly named after Monsieur Adams' brilliance) or Google Translate - and without actual effort, the purchase of a textbook or any man-hours spent studying or making index cards. And you, like me, probably failed epically. Why? Because we placed our faith in a pretty crappy online translator. But hark! Some good may come out of our failure:

Enter Translation Party, a widget that uses Google Translate to take an English sentence or phrase, translate it to Japanese, then translate back to English, then back to Japanese and so on until two English translations come back the same; they call it the equilibrium.
My original sentence: I certainly am afraid of all sorts of God-awful shenanigans, including but not limited to tea bagging.
My equilibrium:I am afraid of a certain type of God. However, fraud, poor people are not limited to the package of tea.
You must play around with this.

How to beat dementia: get blackout drunk

If you're reading this blog, you've probably been shitfaced before, because only like six people read this and they're all our friends - so we know that you're a booze hound. Nothing wrong with that.

But you may not know that all those nights that you woke up only to find out from a friend passed out on the floor near you that you made some bad decisions, those were actually nights
you were strengthening your mind against dementia.
Data compiled from 15 international studies, including responses from more than 10,000 people, found that drinkers, not teetotallers, are better off when it comes to developing diseases affecting cognitive function.
Those aged 60 and older who consumed between one and 28 alcoholic drinks each week, were almost 30 per cent less likely to have Alzheimer's later on in life, the data found.
Light and moderate drinkers were also 25 per cent less likely to contract vascular dementia, and 26 per cent less likely to suffer from any form of dementia.
The odds improved even more when comparing just drinkers with non-drinkers and ignoring exactly how much people consumed.
If a study comes out in a few weeks linking 3AM drunken breakfast buffets from Eat 'N Park to low blood pressure, fewer gray hairs and an increased libido, we are sooooo aging well.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Too Soon?

What? I'm just saying the punk band has a little more significance...

If you're looking to get stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again...

...and you need some satellite navigation, Bob Dylan might be able to lend you a hand. In a move stranger than some of the other ones he's made in his life, turns out the folk and rock legend is talking to some GPS companies about lending his golden pipes to the cause of getting people places.
“You know I don’t usually like to tell people what I’m doing, but I’m talking to a couple of car companies about the possibility of being the voice of their GPS system,” he disclosed.
I can hear it now: "Eeeeeeverybody muuuuust tuuuuurn riiiiiiiight!"
Like I mentioned earlier, this is not the first questionable thing Dylan has done as of late to harm his street cred/piss of hipster scum. But I guess when you churn out The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan, Bringing It All Back Home, Highway 61 Revisited, Blonde on Blonde and Blood on the Tracks all within a decade, you can do whatever the hell you want.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Mr. LeBeau goes to Canton


Apparently the selection committee has finally decided in their infinite-fucking-wisdom to nominate Dick "I'll blitz yo momma" LeBeau to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. It is about goddamn time. LeBeau has spent over half a century in the NFL either playing as a Pro Bowl cornerback or making quarterback's shake at the idea of having to face his complex blitz schemes.

We here at The Rustbelt Tramp fully endorse Charles Richard LeBeau for the Hall of Fame, and may god have mercy on you insufferable pricks, because if he doesn't get in... this man won't.

Chalk "potentially getting stung by a venomous insect" as another reason not to go to McDonald's

Is the obesity thing in this country not enough of a reason to keep you away from McDonald's? What about that awful feeling you get when you're done with a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese that feels like a part of you just died? Still want some McNuggets? Well, an Arizona teacher found this little badass waiting for him to reach in and grab one of those fries that always fall out of the grease-soaked cardboard thingie:

Your move, human. Take the napkin and face Deathbringer's wrath!

At least the guy was a science teacher, and stayed relatively calm about the baby scorpion found in his McDonald's bad (baby scorpions are more venomous than their elders), even showing it to his class. The authors of this blog would have just dropped to fetal position, began whimpering softly and soiled themselves.

It's like if Lego and Nintendo made out with A Nightmare Before Christmas during an acid trip

Anyone who was a nerd grew up a fan of Lego or Nintendo will thoroughly enjoy this. If you have time to do something as cool as making stop-motion Lego movies and you're not, you just ain't livin'.

Monday, August 24, 2009

I think the country of Antigua has a thing for Obama...

Antigua renames summit Mt. Obama

I guess it beats the George W. Bush Sewage plant.

A day of significance

Today marks the end of the beloved Cash for Clunkers program, which conservatives criticized as the end of the used car market and wasteful government spending (coulda bought a ton of F-16's, you know).

They were right - it was such an awful idea that barely a week old, the program needed additional funding just to keep it going because so many Americans went and traded in for a new automobile.

In light of this success story, we thought it would be fun to remind you of our last president's first domestic initiative:

Just as successful! In ruining America, that is. Which, of course, we guess Barack Obama is doing too, what with all that commie health care, muslim loving, gay sympathizing, science doing, abortion conducting Hitler crap that's going on right now in these here United States.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Reason 4,357 why Jerry Jones is an Awful Jackass...

Apparently when building his spankin' new $1.2 billion house o' football, Mr. Jones neglected to make sure people could punt under his big ass TV.

The Tennessee Titans felt they exposed a major flaw in Cowboys Stadium during the first football game played in the building when reserve punter A.J. Trapasso hit the gigantic HD screen that hangs over the field.

Whoops! I guess Big Jer wasn't thinking about, you know, playing football inside his shiny, new toy but instead watching re-runs of 4th and Long on the massive 160-foot long, 90-foot high video board.

To continue his infinite wisdom, Mr. Jones was quoted as saying that a punter would need to kick the ball "straight up and hard" to hit the board... Anyone else see fault in this argument or do we just not understand the art of punting as part of the regular course of a football game?

Either way this will become one of the subtle nuances of stadiums around the league. Much like attempting to kick a field goal into the open end of Heinz Field in December some things just come down to stadium design. The only difference being the Rooney's can't really raise the non-walled end of the stadium to block the wind coming down the Mon and Allegheny, but Big Jer may be able to fix this... somehow.

Friday, August 21, 2009

And you thought girl-on-donkey was fucked up...

To which we reply with this lovely video...

Ladies and gentlemen feast your eyes on MRI porn:

Damn that is some good porn... enjoy.

This just in: after 7 months, Barack Obama is the worst President ever

According to the people we place our faith in to give us actual news, Barack Obama is doing an awful job, his approval ratings are slipping, his staff is flip-flopping, he is drawing criticism from the left, he is not to be trusted and he hasn't gotten us out of this desolate and cataclysmic economic depression and wartime agony.

Hey media - you can't get out of the cellar in less time than it took to get in. Take a look at the Pittsburgh Pirates as your paradigm of hope. Okay, don't do that, because they've been sucking for way longer than President Obama is even constitutionally allowed. But nonetheless, you bought the WMD lie six years ago, you sold out to faux-patriotism and you turned a blind eye to 90% of the idiotic things the previous administration had done to drive this country into the shame-encrusted outhouse it is in right now. You aren't helping to alleviate the false sense of fear most Americans have by getting jumpy.

So basically, I'm asking you to calm the fuck down. For all of us. Please?

Late Night Video Club

Temple Of The Dog - Hunger Strike

Why did the 90's rock so hard?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I can has vile, contemptible nonsense?

I love you, Daily What, for making this.
Friend of the blog Monsieur Stewart also had some funnies to say about Mr. Frank's - well, frank - comments to a Town Hall teabagger.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Pittsburghese on your iPhone

Recently we've noticed a large influx of people to this blog who are not from the greater Western PA area. While this makes us exceedingly confounded happy we feel the need to share a new application that can make your trip to Pittsburgh that much more fun.

Yes ladies and gentlemen you aren't imagining things after finishing your 3rd bucket of IC Light down on the Southside, you too can now understand what the angry bastard behind the bar at Primanti's is talking about when he you tell him you don't want fries ON your sandwich and you ask why the hell they're putting cole slaw IN it as well.

**Author's note: Should you find yourself in this situation please, leave the bar as quickly as possible and find your way out of Pittsburgh... This is for your own safety as you may have just pissed off the entire town.**

The crack team from WDVE's morning show put together a brand new little application for all the wonderful yuppie's and their iPhones, listen in as they plug it on a recent show:

There you go, now please remember to use extreme caution as this application can be a bit tricky and not all of the phrases will be exact. Do not try to use this application with law enforcement officers, city officials, Steelers fans or gitney drivers as you may be shanked and tossed into the Mon... Hey, you've been warned...

So this is what their pundits are reverting to

When the empty rhetoric rubs off and the facts come out, Rush "Lil Wyte" Limbaugh reverts to immature gay jokes:

Real classy, big guy. Totally has nothing to do with the fact that your side is looking like a bunch of racist assholes right now.

May 25th 1991

Remember this date? No? Most likely not, but it marks the date that the Pittsburgh Penguins marked their names on Lord Stanley's chalice for the very first time. If you missed the game, or like the author of this post, just can't seem to remember a hockey game from when you were 4 years old then fret not. You can watch all 8 goals again right here.

Yes that's right someone took the time to re-create Game 6 of the 1991 Stanley Cup Finals between the Pittsburgh Penguins and Minnesota North Stars. Genius... take some time and watch it.

More proof of Pittsburgh's superiority over Cleveland in all aspects of life:

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

There are plants out there that will eat your children

And rodents. Turns out there is this bastard carnivorous plant in the Philippines that is big enough to trap a rat or other small rodents inside and slowly digest it via flesh-eating enzymes. Nepenthes attenboroughii, named after Brit naturalist Sir David Attenborough, is the newest undiscovered species of pitcher plants.

Mmm. Manflesh...

Which brings me to my next question: how long until we finally discover a Sarlacc? Because, if we remember correctly, what that evil plant from Hell mentioned above does to its prey is pretty much exactly what happened to Boba Fett:

"In his belly you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years."

For now, when vacationing in the Philippines, keep little Timmy within eyeshot. These plants eat people.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Things not to do wasted

Operate a drawbridge.
The tugboat driver told police that he radioed ahead to have the bridge raised, but received no response from the operator. The driver said he then blew his horn and rang a bell when he arrived at the bridge, but still received no response.

Kyes said officers traveled to the bridge for a well-being check and found Robert E. Finn, 49, “in a state of intoxication,” at his monitoring station. Finn, who is an employee of the Boston Department of Public Works, was taken into protective custody and replaced by another bridge operator, Kyes said.
And we thought our DPW here in the 'Burgh was bad; I mean what's a couple tree branches getting sawed off and falling onto my 1989 Volvo station wagon when people are drunkenly forgetting to operate a drawbridge?

Blog Outsourcing 1.4

Usain Bolt can run pretty fast.
Seriously. There were rumors that Steelers had brought him to camp last year and were considering him a wide receiver candidate. As Seth Rorabaugh from Empty Netters would note, fire Dan Rooney.

Tiger Woods is a human being.
Seriously, the guy looked like Happy Gilmore out there, getting some nice drives and then falling apart on the Green. Y.E. Yang (please please please make his first name be's not...damn), a Korean golfer who had some success in his country's golf circuit, took the lead after a beautiful chip-in for an eagle. Did I just write about golf? Jesus.

In the healthcare debate, Obama might be wussing out on a public option.
Your move, teabaggers.

FOX news is not the biggest fan of our President.
Or being taken seriously. Our friends at the Huffington Post point out that the "news" organization has duly hit its stride since the election of a Democratic president and a majority in the House and Senate. I have noticed that Sean Hannity's hair has been a little more American ever since November 4th.

Penn State invented a Death Detector.
Zombies be damned! Even you:
Japan takes the Bronze medal for nations exiting their recessions.
Any chance we can get honorable mention?

Friday, August 14, 2009

Mer-MAN, pa. Mer-MAN.

Well, it's technically a mermaid that some Israelis believe they have seen doing a few tricks and then vanishing into the horizon. Get some footage of it and you could be a million bucks richer, according to Israeli officials.

An alleged mermaid, said to resemble a cross between a fish and a young girl, only appears at sunset. It performs a few tricks for onlookers before disappearing for the night.

One of the first people to see the mermaid, Shlomo Cohen, said, "I was with friends when suddenly we saw a woman laying on the sand in a weird way. At first I thought she was just another sunbather, but when we approached she jumped into the water and disappeared. We were all in shock because we saw she had a tail."
Pretty sure Israel is just going for the Nessie strategy and using the reward to bolster tourism, but either way Sam Brownback is legitimately pissed.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Goodbye, and thank you

“I have younger friends who don’t work, and they aren’t doing so well. My secret is to keep going, keep working.”

Les Paul, 1915-2009

Sexy Racist Times: Town Hall Edition

Because nothing says "I am opposed to a government-regulated public option in our health care system" like ripping up a poster of Rosa Parks:


Read more here and here.

Put THAT on your crumpets and eat it, bitches

In a move that was pretty much inevitable when the crazy fuckin' redneck mob began storming town hall meetings in hopes of making it on network news, our friends in the Old Empire decided it was time once and for all to give us Yankees what for. Turns out they're a little sick of said crazy people lying about their healthcare.
The criticism, widely covered in the U.K. media, has clearly stung Britain's left-leaning Labour government. The Department of Health took the unusual step of contacting The Associated Press and e-mailing it a three-page rebuttal to what it said were misconceptions about the NHS being bandied about in the U.S. media — each one followed with the words: "Not true."
You tell 'em, Labour. Show them what you've laboured over all these years, and why you should be our favourite. Maybe let them know how good your government programmes are or how nice your soccer, eh, football manoeuvres are. We just don't want to get in an arguement with you. Euro creeps.

Speaking of that godless sodmite abortionist continent of Europe, France and Germany are ahead of the US in ending the recession. And guess what both countries have? Yep; a government option in their national healthcare system.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

No more Turnpike until 2010

That got your attention, huh? Unfortunately, the worthless superhighway that leads straight to Satan's asshole Philadelphia will not be closing any time soon and thus you will be doomed to be stuck between an 18-wheeler and a jagoff in one of those Warner Bros. Chrysler minivans driving 55-mph in the fast lane with Finding Nemo on all four mini-TV's for the rest of your worthless existence in this Commonwealth.

But if you have been to Kennywood in the last, I dunno, eight decades, you may have noticed a ride when you first enter that very seldom had anyone on it; and when it did, that person usually was very old, very young, a very old sexual predator or someone trying to recover from the nausea that was catalyzed by mixing Potato Patch cheese fries and The Enterprise. That ride was the Turnpike, and come Sunday it will be no more. In its place, a brand new steel roller coaster will be built, according to the Post-Gazette. Yes, steel. No rattling, creaking or minor whiplash and spinal cord damages on this baby.

Old people, young people, sexual predators and vomit-swallowers need not be too bummed about the new coaster; Kennywood has stated the Turnpike will be rebuilt somewhere else in the park. Just don't try and buy a pack of smokes from that fake Cogo's, man. They get pissy about that for some reason.


This is happening in your country. This should legitimately give you nightmares.

That's funny that he's using Makeshift Patriot from Sage Francis as his theme song - a song written in the wake of and inspired by the outrageous backlash of faux-patriotism after 9/11.

With videos like this getting 60,000 hits (we of course are not helping by posting it - so add 3 or 4 more to that), it is no surprise that these wackjobs are bringing guns to town hall meetings as of late. Oh yeah, the guy in the link was standing in a church parking lot.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The silver lining of baseball embarrassment

Thank you, DJ Gallo, founder of The Sports Pickle and regular ESPN Page 2 (Monsieur Thompson's old gig) contributor. While fireworks, bobbleheads and overrated, washed-up sellouts fill the stands with an audience doomed to spend another October contemplating just how far the Pirates are from legitimacy, you are sitting in the stands with your rather cultured and intelligent son citing that yes, the Pirates may be devoid of a winning season, however they are also devoid of any steroid accusations and the drama that ensues. And that, along with that last really long sentence, is commendable.

The man actually makes some decent points. Like how the Pirates were in three consecutive pennant races until the steroid era of the 90's began, and then they just stopped winning altogether. You can read the thoroughly entertaining article, written in a Socratic dialogue of sorts, here.

Do you think you're better than John Barbaro?

If so take your shot... NOW!

The Pens are looking for a second Mellon Arena PA announcer. You can now take your shot and work (part-time) next to the legendary voice of Mellon Arena John Barbaro.

Specific duties include, but are not limited to:

  • Announce all Penguins pre-season, regular season and playoff home games
  • Attend pre-game production meetings and contribute to development of game script
  • Create a unique voice/sound for Penguins home games
  • Establish signature calls and traditions for Penguins fans
  • Develop a connection with Penguins fans to increase their enjoyment of the Penguins experience
  • Effectively call specific game details, promotional messages, and fan prompts
  • Utilize voice inflection and enthusiasm to increase fan spirit
Think you can fill that role? Do you think that YOU can be the next voice of the Igloo/Sol Center? Fill out the application at the bottom of that site... what is the worst that can happen?

It might also help to take a look at this and learn a bit from the man himself:

Required viewing

Because when the media is too busy covering this stuff, one man is noting how stupid it really is.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Healther Skelter
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorSpinal Tap Performance

Monday, August 10, 2009


Thank you Empty Netters for finding this.

Every time Tampa Bay Lightning forward Vincent Lecavalier takes .73 of a shot (let's say when he's three quarters of the way done with a shot) on goal, he makes my yearly salary.

Sexy biased times: Morning edition

White House launches health tattle-tale site

It's really hard to lay off of picking on one media outlet when they are this obtuse about their news. When you go to FOX News home, you see the above headline. When you click it, the headline magically changes to White House Launches Web Site to Battle Health Care 'Rumors'.

First off, notice how the word "rumors" is in quotations; like FOX doesn't know that all of the melodramatic absurdities being vomited out of idiotic ultraconservative nutjobs who are being bussed-in to town hall meetings are rumors. To FOX, I guess, the notion that Barack Obama isn't Hitler is just a rumor, not an actual fact.

Furthermore, how asinine do you have to be to call a website that was set up by the federal government to dispel rumors a tattle-tale site? Suddenly the White House is ratting people out when they try and defend themselves from outlandish rumors which, by the way, are being perpetuated by ultraconservative groups and FOX News themselves. It's kind of like the circle of life, really.

Makin' it rain on the North Shore

It just wouldn't be right, grandstanding around the internet pretending that we're king shit blog and touting Rustbelt street cred if we didn't discuss this. Rivers Casino opened up yesterday on Pittsburgh's North Shore, and no one was sentenced to eternal damnation or had spontaneously become addicted to what some people say is "the crack cocaine of casino gambling."

Esther, 76, clearly strung out on crack, gambling and Satan.

Albeit those who enter the casino risk damnation and having their life fall apart in a booze-fueled slot machine rampage, it seems like the first official day went pretty smoothly for our riverside friends. So for now, we'll chalk this up as a solid use of a brownfield site. Now stop reading this blog and go sin down at the Rivers Casino; in fact, when they bring table games to the state, you'll see a few authors of this blog down there.

Friday, August 7, 2009

The easiest thing to get

Click to enlarge:Rob Rogers is the man. And we also like the Post-Gazette, which originally published that cartoon yesterday.

"Buzz...your girlfriend...woof!"

John Hughes

Thursday, August 6, 2009


As the great Kurt Vonnegut used to say, "Hooray for our team!"

Dog days of summer in the 'Burgh

The news is boresville USA if you're not into the healthcare debate or crazy people, and the Pirates are so bad that we just bought a Washington Wild Things jersey. But fret not, fair dwellers of the greatest city in the world (and its diaspora): the Steelers are in training camp and Hockey season is gleaming over the horizon.

In the meantime, stay cool out there yinz guys:

(Thank you Pensblog for your fantastic post on Hockey mascots)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Media Spotlight: America's future according to FOX

We interrupt this awful day in Pittsburgh to bring you exciting news on some of the more useful features our 24-hour mainstream media has to offer you. Today's spotlight is on the always-popular FOX News and their groundbreaking new series of special reports, America's Future! (photo: FNC)
FOX, being smarter and less biased than you, has decided to try the Nostradamus thing out and predict what the future may look like in a nation utterly decimated by universal healthcare, stem cell research and a sound multilateral foreign policy. After a gathering of the minds, they have compiled a list of impending issues that are so monumentally vital that they are going to shake the very foundations of our great sovereign nation. FOX on the future:

Islam in America!
Clearly the number one issue in the States is the fact that not everyone is a Christian; in fact, Muslims are showing up everywhere these days, and FOX has noticed. Excerpts from their report:
  • Rise of Islam in some European cities
  • Strict set of Muslim precepts is finding its way into American everyday life
  • Are inhabitants of a tiny Islamic outpost in N.Y. jihadists in training or are they peacefully practicing their religion?"
You can't have a future without children; but what are we going to teach them? Should we really be clouding their young innocent minds with science, history, literature and the truth? And more importantly:
  • Are school textbooks portraying accurate picture of Islam?
  • Critics calling for changes in way schools handle sex education.
Very good; I see your impending plague of tolerance when teaching kids about other religions, and I raise you a condom. Solid.

WTF FOX?! I was with you through those first two critical issues, but water? How water made the list is beyond me. I'll let them explain:
  • Tensions rise between advocates of alternative energy and conservationists
  • Questioning hydroelectric power in America
  • Some experts say it will take a huge amount of money to fix U.S. water infrastructure
  • New campaign promotes tap water over bottled water
Well folks, we hope you enjoyed our little gaze into the crystal ball together this afternoon. One has to thank FOX for finally shining the light on this relatively murky and dismal future, filled with religious pluralism, education through actual facts and practices and...water? I still don't get the water thing. Either way, God be with us all. United we can make it through this post-apocalyptic nightmare.

Dear crazy fucking lunatics:

Stop shooting people. Just cut it out; we're all over it.

We're probably going to drop kick the first person we see dahntahn today vomiting words up about responsible gun owners and the Second Amendment and how Madison and Jefferson used to write letters to each other about how sexually excited they got over the thought of Jesus holding an AR-15. We know it's coming; it always does.

But we would just like to remind said word vomiters that the Constitution of the United States does not grant you permission to become John Rambo:

And that's all I have to say about this Godforsaken mess.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

It only took you three months to find out a degree doesn't mean shit?

You really have to admire someone like Trina Thompson, 27, of New York City. Trina, along with the rest of us, went off to college with the dire hopes of becoming an architect, nurse, or something where she just has to show up at an office and facebook creep for eight hours.

So our beloved heroine Trina sets off from college, equipped with a fancifully-printed piece of paper claiming that the last four years of her life were actually worth a damn. Aside from her newly-acquired skills of making pot brownies, excellent proportioning of water and powdery cheese in Easy Mac and beer shotgunning with one hand still clutching a Marlboro Menthol Light, Trina thinks she's got what it takes to get a job during a depression. We all did, right?

But here's the kicker; she quit after three months, and now she wants to sue her college for not getting her a job.
As Thompson sees it, any reasonable employer would pounce on an applicant with her academic credentials, which include a 2.7 grade-point average and a solid attendance record. But Monroe's career-services department has put forth insufficient effort to help her secure employment, she claims.

"They're supposed to say, 'I got this student, her attendance is good, her GPA is all right -- can you interview this person?' They're not doing that," she said.
Aside from the obvious quip one can make regarding the guarantee a 2.7 GPA gets you, the idea that a college is going to bend over backwards after you blindly chucked tens of thousands of dollars at them is pretty bullshit. Furthermore, she quit after three months. I don't think any of the authors of this blog had even sobered up three months out of college.

Monday, August 3, 2009

300... Part Deux

While viewing Watchmen, a terrific albeit slightly different theatrical version of Alan Moore's genius work, I began wondering where I had seen young Rorschach before. Then it dawned on me... young King Leonidas had been re-cast in Zack Snyder's other graphic novel turned blockbuster. I guess being the son of the director has its perks after all.

While searching for the young man playing Rorschach I stumbled across something very interesting... Apparently 300 will have a sequel of sorts. Details are few and far between at this point, but one thing is for certain, the master behind it all, Mr. Frank Miller, has already finished a draft of his next Spartan blood bath.

The question is... what happens next? Will he continue on with the Battle of Thermopylae and the other events that unfolded? More updates to come as we stumble across them.

G20 Update: Pittsburgh sites getting some serious Obama-lovin'

Picture this: Guido Mantega drunkenly pimp strutting around Phipps conservatory, commenting on the frangipanis and sipping on white wine. He walks over to a corner and watches Christine Lagarde and Pranab Mukhergee fall in love under the orchids. He cries a tear of Brazilian passion.

Fast forward to the Warhol; the usual hipsters that stand outside smoking cigarettes and talking about existentialism come face-to-face with our First Lady, who cares not for tight pants and The Shins. She orders them all to be tased (victory!) and promply goes to set up her luncheon.

I'm not going to comment on the fact that kids from CAPA will be perfoming for the G20 delegation, because everyone grew up with a CAPA kid in the neighborhood and we all remember how we treated them.

Death by vortex

It makes sense that those redcoats are ripping off our sexy Discovery Channel shows (nevermind that the glorious Planet Earth and Man vs. Wild series were both first produced in the UK), this time taking on Myth-busting in the form of seeing if "theories" are true.

All I see is a goofy British man, though; where's hot ass Kari?

Behold, science:

Speaking of science, you know what week it is, right?

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Another Reason to Never Go on a Cruise

CAUTION: The following is a vulgar display of environmentalism. If you are a member of the republican party, a travel agent, a homosexual who just can't live without an annual Gay Cruise, or anyone who would probably support the death of endangered species and loves cruises... you should turn your fragile minds away now!

I have been completely against cruises for a while now and this right here confirmed my convictions:

READ THIS... cuz I am not just gonna hand you over the details... you have to do a little fucking work sometimes too, you voyeur creeps! (BTW, thanks for reading the blog though!!)

Now I'm sure one of you uptight sour-pussy's is gonna get all pissed off and feel the need to state out loud how it clearly says that they don't know that the boat struck the whale and killed it, or if it was already dead pre-strike. So let me just get it out of the way that i don't fucking care either way. It's still disgusting. So save you're breath... or get your own blog and bitch about it there!

Now lets say it was the first option and the whale was just chillaxin out in the ocean being a badass whale and catching some food. He then decides to go up for a spectacular display of whaleism with a breach and just as he gains enough speed to make the most miraculous leap through the surface into the spotlight, BANG! fucking lights out cuz the Sapphire Princess just gave him the worlds deadliest facefuck! Now if you don't see the problem here... well then you're a stupid ass waste of human life!

So option two, Our magnificent friend, the Fin Whale, has died a Noble death like the whale kings of yore, and he is floating around doing his part in the circle of life. All is well until along comes the Sapphire Princess and she grabs hold of King Finius (i just named him) and drags him to port! Disgusting... desecration of the dead.... that's my stance, deal with it!

Here are some other problems with Cruise's (Do you're own research!) :

~ They use ballast water which contributes to
~ Invasive species
~ Dumping of blackwater and graywater which contributes to
~ Ocean pollution
~ Eutrophication
~ Anoxic zones
~ Bildge Water leaks
~ Solid waste (mostly garbage)
~ Air pollution
~ The Plowing over of ocean dwelling species which is just repulsive.

So please join in my boycott of all cruises... or you can continue to just stand for nothing.