Tuesday, December 29, 2009

New job for the Penguins' coaching staff

Bobsled team (from the Penguins' official website):
BUFFALO, NY -- After an adventurous trip the Pittsburgh Penguins have finally reached their hotel in Buffalo, NY – a trip which included several run-ins with Mother Nature – most notably the sight of the Penguins coaching and support staff pushing a team bus after it became stuck on a slick Buffalo street.

With the Penguins about three blocks from reaching their hotel the first bus carrying the players, coaches and support staff could not get its wheels moving on the snow-covered streets. Within seconds head coach Dan Bylsma and several others were rushing out of the door to the rear of the vehicle.

You can't fool us, Yeo. We know you're half-assing that push.

20 Bucks says Granato's the first one in

The Yemen Song

Yes, I know that's my second Zeppelin reference in a row today; suck it.

Since we are predator-droning the "khara" out of Afghanistan right now but still getting terrorized by al-Qaida and their explosive underwear from hell, some folks over in intelligence have decided to pull their heads out of their collective ass and figure out exactly what is going on (read: what is going WRONG) with the War on Terror.

That, and they're probably asking themselves why security and customs employees at airports are so incompetent. They really are. Don't let people onto planes with a gun, a knife, a bomb or a pact with their respective deity to blow the West to shit. Easier than a union job.

But all of that aside, there are others, lawmakers, who are asking another question: why not start another war? Because there certainly are at least, like, eight other countries that classify as an Arab nation that we are currently not at war with. Why not start one with...Yemen? Jesus...

And not only are people starting to freak out about Yemen, but some of those fears might not necessarily be futile: apparently Yemen is a pretty good farm team for al-Qaida.

In short, we are all going to die. CBS agrees. Ho ho fucking ho.

Your "no shit" headline of the day

Metallica drummer struggles with ringing in ears

Breakthrough piece on tinnitus, CNN. I had not a clue in the world that a drummer in a heavy fucking metal band probably suffers from some kind of hearing affliction. Well, that and the thing that agonizes all rock drummers - pure balls-out insanity.

Look at old Bonzo, for chrissakes. Tell me that man didn't have hearing issues (some of which were probably catalyzed by the pure grain alcohol he like to pour into his system by the quart) among other afflictions.

In fact, the ringing in Lars Ulrich of Metallica's ears probably has been caused by his own laughter after running to the bank. It's either that or, by accident, that poor bastard discovered his band's Pirate Bay page.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Happy Pagan Day!

We here at The Rustbelt Tramp felt it was necessary to take some time away from our heavy drinking families and wish you all a Merry Christmas:

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Our goal is to top this list next year

Congrats to Glenn Beck for winning a dubious honor today in Media Matters' Misinformer of the Year award. The liberal-swaying news watchdog selected Beck unanimously for various reasons such as making things up, batshit crying tantrums and simulating the assassination of the Speaker of the House, among many others.

In honor of Beck's work, which is clearly comparable to Studs Terkel, Homer, H.L. Mencken and other journalist greats, Media Matters assembled a video montage of some of the man's classier work:

Congratulations, Glenn. Thanks to you, we Americans and our truth are safe from the clutches of those godless socio-fascist black people. Thank you.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Saudi Arabia: A beacon of hope

Have you ever read a headline that made you chuckle? Ever read an article and feel really good afterwords? Like the world really isn't a giant crater of shit and stupidity and the faster its immune system flushes all of mankind out the better?

This is not one of those stories.

A Lebanese man who hosted a popular TV show where he gave callers advice and sometimes predicted the future was sentenced to death by a court in Saudi Arabia last month. His charge? Sorcery.
Sibat confessed to Saudi authorities that he consulted spirits to predict the future. But the authorities didn't release him. Instead, they brought him to a TV studio and told him to confess again. The conversation was broadcast on a Saudi program about religion.

"How do you rate yourself among magicians?" an interviewer asked Sibat. "What?" said Sibat, clearly nervous. "I have failed. I confess in front of God."

Sibat was then tried in court, and the confession was used against him. He was sentenced to death on Nov. 9. Saudi justice officials would not respond to several requests for comment about his case.
Well that is just fucking marvelous. Not only is it frowned upon to practice sorcery or witchcraft in Saudi Arabia, easily a topper on the "top countries with the highest concentration of crazy irrational religious people per square mile" charts, but now you can get your ass killed by doing such harmful, Satanic things like predicting the future.

But then again, if you told me this kind of stuff was going down in a small town in Utah somewhere, I would believe you. So I guess we should tip our hats to the Saudi government for being that crazy that they'll at least own their shit on this issue. Now if only they could figure out what to do with all of those goddamn Twihards...

It's Christmas time in Western Pennsylvania

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Stay Classy DC Police

As the DC and Northern Virginia population dig out from underneath the record setting snow storm that got dropped on our laps (this author spent an hour digging his car out of a parking spot), something disturbing has popped up...

Yesterday afternoon during the storm's epic peak, a large group of people gathered in the Logan Square area on U street for a massive snow ball fight. We were able to watch some video, and our only thoughts were... why the hell aren't we in town?! Unfortunately, the snowball fight took a bad turn when a DC police officer drew his weapon. SERIOUSLY?!?

Oh yes...

Now we can understand being slightly unhinged during this situation. The storm was terrible, it has caused delays and closing all over the area, and a giant pain in the ass for emergency services, BUT YOU PULLED YOUR GODDAMN GUN AFTER BEING HIT WITH A SNOWBALL!

DC police is currently investigating the incident. Until then, Rustbelt Tip O' the Day: Never bring a gun to a snowball fight.

Saturday, December 19, 2009


In honor of the blizzard that is currently burying metro DC, we present you with Sidney Crosby's personal nor'easter:


h/t to the Pensblog

Thursday, December 17, 2009


Six more groceries to sell beer

If you live in Pennsylvania, you know how much of a giant pain in the ass it is to get some hooch. Simply pinning down the location of a beer store in some neighborhoods is a difficult and daunting task. After fruitless searches for a case of delicious Iron City, if you're like me, you end up giving up and going to the nearest bar and spending too much money on a few six packs.

Then we have liquor. People that work in Pennsylvania liquor stores are literally agents of the Evil One. If you're walking out of there with anything more than a bottle of robust red, they're going to look at you like you're Billy Joel about to crash your car into a house. That's bullshit. If I want to drink a bottle of gin that comes in a plastic half-gallon bottle, that's my alcohol problem, not yours, man.

And sadly, we Pennsylvanians have not been offered an alternative. The Liquor Control Board, or as they're known in these parts, The Fun Police, holds the monopoly on wines and spirits, and you have be a licensed beer distributor to sell cases of beer.

So, even though Giant Eagle can be kind of crappy at times, it's still good news to know that they're getting aggressive with this Puritan booze law in the state. I don't care if the people who originally populated Pennsylvania did so because they were too tight-assed to stick around Europe and its hedonistic ways - I want beer, motherfucker!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

You have got to be shitting me

I guess since Bernanke is doing such a wonderful job of managing our Federal Reserve, Time decided to reward him with this bizarre, Maoist cover and dubious honor. In fact, Bernanke now has something else he can talk to Bono about, other than how Bono really knows best what's for poor people. We'll lay off Bono, though, because The Joshua Tree is a pretty damn good album.

Come to think of it, a few years ago, they made Vladimir Putin the person of the year. Then, during the YouTube boom, thanks to wonderful contributions to society like "Chocolate Rain" and videos of our children biting each other, Time named "us" as person of the year. So these guys have been, for quite some time indeed, losing their fucking marbles.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Like you've never been too lazy to do something

We apologize for the brief hiatus, folks. We've been too busy hangin' arahnd dahntahn, I guess:

We'll be posting regularly again soon. Until then, everything's waitin' for yinz.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Reason #3,467,210 the Pensblog is greater than you...

As 2009 works its way to the end, the world finds itself looking back upon this year. NPR has started the always epic Year in Music series. Google is attempting to suck you farther into their grasp with a new way to look at their site everyday until that big, shiny ball drops. Mar has started his list of ways to roofie that chick you've been eying up on Carson Street, and even the Pensblog has found a way to celebrate. Of course, they have to out-do the rest of the world and show us damn near a decade's worth of happy-go-lucky moments.

The geniuses who run that site have taken the time to compile what they feel are the top Pittsburgh Penguins moments of 2000-2009. Go watch these videos now.

If at least half of those don't send chills down your spine you're not human.

*Author's note: Nice use of Don't Dream It's Over in the first video.*

The Steelers aren't the only team with offensive line issues

Either this guy was nervous as all hell, paid off, or just standing there contemplating his life after reading Tim Tebow's biblical eye paint of the day.

He obviously wasn't mimicking Willie Colon, or else he would have blatantly held someone a few seconds after getting beat.

Either way, this guy is probably going to take a few personal days from class. Not as many as that dude from Pitt, though.

Sketchy Santas

This is by far the best blog on the internet right now.

In the time that we just wasted at this site, we could have gotten 20 projects done at work and posted on here six or seven times (one if it's Ryan, zero if it's Matt).

Here are some of our favorites:

Did the Santa mask seem like a good idea when this dude woke up? Did he decide to do his best impression of the Guy Fawkes mask-wearing vigilante from V for Vendetta rather than make the attempt to look happy all day? Either way, this might be one of the most terrifying images on the web right now.

The classic boozy Santa. You need something to numb the pain of knowing that you're going to have hold strange children, most of whom will hate you, and look like you are enjoying yourself for a large span of time. Turns out Old Crow can do just that.

If you don't think this is the background on my computer right now, you are sadly mistaken. Those sunglasses are on EBay for $200,000.

There are lots more, from menacing Santas to ones that completely half-assed it. Either way, you're bound to recall a few terrifying moments of your childhood in which your parents placed your life in the hands of a strange man wearing Santa garb in the middle of a shopping mall. Unless, of course, you were placed under the care of this man; in which case, you're probably missing.

h/t The Pensblog

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Late Night Video Club

The Dave Brubeck Quartet - Take 5

Because this man has more cool/talent in his pinkie than you'll ever have.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Blog Outsourcing...3.0? It's been a while

Hark! It appears God's opinion is quite similar to my own.
Turns out people like the idea that their own beliefs are conducive to the King of Kings' - but according to a new study, it actually just makes religion an echo chamber of sort for someone's already established opinion - no matter how wrong that opinion may be. It's good to know that, like myself, God wants all those gays to quit wanting to get all married and shit. That does feel good.

Pearl Harbor happened today, 1941.
Clicking the above link will direct you to the story of the "mystery submarine" that also allegedly participated in the siege on the U.S. Naval base. No comments were submitted from the local chapter of the "Pearl Harbor Truthers."

Those attention whores from the State Dinner aren't the first to breach Secret Service.
No, it appears that over the span of twenty-odd years, 91 security breaches have been reported by officials. That's not even counting the time we made it halfway onto the White House lawn dressed as giant pretzels during the Bush II years. 92, bitches.

The timetable for Afghanistan is, like, flexible and stuff.
Debacle: [dey-bah-kuhl, -bak-uhl, duh-]
- noun
1. a general breakup or dispersion; sudden downfall or rout.
2. a complete collapse or failure.
3. a breaking up of ice in a river.
4. a violent rush of waters or ice.
See Also: Clusterfuck, shitstorm, quagmire, failure, Iraq

The Tea Party replacing the GOP? Survey says yes.
So apparently, among voters of the FREEDOM NO TAXES JESUS CAMOUFLAGE GOD NO ABORTION EAGLE PATRIOT OLD GLORY NO MUSLIMS APPLE PIE persuasion, the Tea Party is the political affiliation they would like to be identified with, not the Republican Party. This is just getting more and more fucking embarrassing.

President Obama is going to be late to the Copenhagen climate talks
No doubt this is because he knows climate change is bullshit. He just wants to attend the finale of the talks to see if Italy's bringing cannolis again.

aw HELL no!

It appears the NHL is considering renaming the their annual awards in an attempt to make them seem more relevant to people who are just beginning to watch hockey, and those who wait in the wings.


This idea fails harder than whoever thought it would be a good idea to rename the divisions. Tossing aside awesome names like Adams, Norris, Smythe and Patrick Divisions in favor of generic, geographic locations like what the NHL uses now.

One of the greatest assets hockey has is the history and tradition that runs deep in the sport. Sure many people might not know that the Lady Byng trophy, presented to the player least like to knock your goddamn head off, was donated by... you guessed it Lady Byng. This hip lady was wife of the former Governor General of Canada and a huge hockey fan.

As much as we would love to see Le Magnifique honored by a trophy it should not be at the cost of losing the history that is already there. Gretsky, Orr, Lemieux and Howe will forever live on in hockey... but for Christ's sake don't rename the awards after them!

*Side note* Sean Leahy of Puck Daddy proposes an idea Rustbelt can get behind. Rename the divisions after these big hockey names. This about it... Pittsburgh as the 2010-2011 Buries It Division Champions!?!? AWESOME!

h/t to the Pensblog

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Pittsburgh celebrity experience

Look - we all remember Sienna Miller's batshit tantrum after a bouncer at some bar didn't recognize her.

But since that whole fiasco (which resulted in a shitty movie based on a great book), there has been something about the city of Pittsburgh that makes celebrities happy, and not in the quaint way that little towns with antique shops make your parents happy. It's actually becoming a cool city, and one in which departing celebrities have plenty of good things to say.

Then, there are people like Jake Gyllenhaal, who loved his stay here so much that he got a Steelers tramp stamp.
It was so good, in fact, that he left with a Steelers logo tattooed on his lower back, which he showed to the audience to great applause. Whether it was temporary or permanent only he and his tattoo artist really know.
He's been a Patriots fan, but came to love the Steelers, too, he said. He attended two games while here, and also talked about eating Primanti sandwiches and accepting a Terrible Towel from a fan.
Perhaps, as film expenses rise in traditional movie cities, more celebrities are drawn here and much more frequently. It certainly doesn't help that, in light of what has been going on in the rest of country economics-wise, Pittsburgh is kind-of enjoying a Renaissance of sorts. Either way, between President Obama's obsession with Pamela's pancakes, the aforementioned tramp stamp and Russel Crowe's respect for Pittsburgh sports fans, that Pittsburgh is a lot like Hansel - we're pretty hot right now.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Climategate: catch the fever!

Well it seemed a few weeks ago like the time had come to drive the final stake through the heart of that myth they call global warming. The villagers were restless, the torches were lit and they each clutched their pitchforks; and in their other shaking fist, an article from their favorite conservative blog citing the emails that came from some bald scientist at Penn State.

Half of this angry mob was so well camouflaged that, when standing in front of the wooded area out behind the Sam's Club the group used as their staging location, they were barely noticeable.

The emails in question that catalyzed this premature conservative victory, which were illegally obtained by the way (a common tactic among those folks it seems), may have also sparked some sympathetic predilections among other scientists and learned folk, who know how stressful their job can be:
This paranoid interpretation would be laughable were it not for the fact that obstructionist politicians in the US Senate will probably use it next year as an excuse to stiffen their opposition to the country's much needed climate bill. Nothing in the e-mails undermines the scientific case that global warming is real — or that human activities are almost certainly the cause. That case is supported by multiple, robust lines of evidence, including several that are completely independent of the climate reconstructions debated in the e-mails.
You see, angry mob? There are those who feel that it is the irrational scrutiny and pressure placed on climatologists that goads them into making their results clearer and perhaps more accessible to a group that still thinks Dinosaurs are only 10,000 years old. Maybe cut them a little slack, and we'll forgive you for wasting all that CO2 talking to your peers in line to get your copy of Going Rogue signed.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Stay Classy, U.S. Senator Tom Coburn (R- duh)

Today's shitstorm of lies comes from Tom Coburn, a Republican from Oklahoma who has a problem with the Democrats' health care proposals. Tom's view isn't a far cry from the notion that there are not going to be Death Panels awaiting your grandmother's next visit to the hospital, armed with a baseball bat covered in razorblades that have all been soaking in cyanide, but at least it's not that negative. He just thinks that grannie is going to die sooner naturally, that's all!
"If it doesn't raise costs, and we're truly going to take this money from Medicare, what it's going to do to our seniors is, I have a message for you: 'You're gonna die sooner.'"
Wait...let me get this straight. You don't want a government-run public option because you're afraid it's going to take money from A GOVERNMENT-RUN PUBLIC (albeit limited to the elderly) OPTION!?

Tweeting - ur doing it wrong

This is why live-action Twitter updates are probably not a good idea when there's a picture of your news team next to the headlines:

Epic fail. And no, that's not our Monroeville.

Late Night Video Club

The Black (Fuckin') Keys - Just Got to Be

Because no other album opens with a better song than this... hands down. It certainly helps that Magic Potion rocks your godforsaken face off.

Thankgiving break return, stupidity, etc.

A lot has happened since last we hunkered down in front of our computers to churn out an angry rant about how god-awful the future of our country looks or something a little less serious, perhaps like a badass Star Wars wiki page (Have you visited it yet? You really are missing out if not).

So, after almost a week, we return from a break spent celebrating gluttony, watching football, debating whether or not we are going to enter a Rustbelt trebuchet in the next Punkin Chunkin event, going into the woods with a rifle, and listening to Alice's Restaurant on Repeat.

The Steelers lost, and subsequently have raised our blood pressure. The Penguins shellacked the Rangers twice. Keith Ballard hurt his own goalie in one of the most epic fails ever. President Obama grew a pair and decided we were going to get those terrorists in Afghanistan. But what we're really concerned about is this report on Yahoo! searches.

The biggest surprise in the list of 2009 top searches may be WWE, the official website for professional wrestling. The WWE website includes news of the latest matches and WWE superstar profiles and videos.

Below is the official top ten Yahoo! list for overall searches:

1. Michael Jackson 2. Twilight 3. WWE 4. Megan Fox 5. Britney Spears 6. Naruto 7. American Idol 8. Kim Kardashian 9. NASCAR 10. Runescape

You know, a lot of talk has been raised about our "Founding Fathers" and what not. Every self-proclaimed patriot and Constitution expert has literally been touching themselves to worthless drivel about our Founding Fathers, and what they would do in today's political and social climate.

Well, I think this is evidence that our Founding Fathers would be less concerned with the Muslim socialist Hitleresque baby killer running the country and would be more concerned with how ridiculously idiotic its inhabitants have become. And yes, nobody uses Yahoo! any more, so this isn't necessarily the largest focus group for judging society, but still - Naruto?!

**UPDATE** - Sadly, the Google list is not much better...

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Muppets rock

The Muppets do Queen, and do it well:

Pretty good, Henson Studios. Pretty good. I'm thinking next time, they could do a Fraggle Rock version of DragonForce's Through the Fire and Flames. How sick nasty would that be?

That's no moon. It's the best website ever made.

Thank you, Al Gore. Surely it is not what you had planned when you invented the internet, but Wookieepedia represents the internet's epic triumph of nerdery nonetheless. With amenities like the "Featured Article" (this week being Jedi Padawan Windo "Warble" Nend) and a Random Article link, this is officially our favorite thing on the internet right now.

Come on, like you didn't want to know what Han Solo was up to growing up and becoming awesome. Shazam! Now you know.

Haven't you lost sleep over whether or not C-3P0 was gay? Well I have; and although that question remains unanswered, we learn that Threepio not only was the leader of a robot rebellion at one time, but he friggin' dies:

Ever wonder what a Mandalorian civil war looks like? Now you know:

Finally, we would like to put a clause in our "Wikipedia should never be used for actual information" rule on Rustbelt. Yes, Wikipedia can only be used for humor's sake or to get a point across (like hyperlinking Iraq when talking about mistakes), but Wookieepedia is a valid internet source and should - and will - be treated as such.

This week in historical inaccuracies

Look, no one is perfect. Everyone's mixed up history at least once or twice, so we're not saying former Bush White House Press Secretary Dana Perino is incompetent. But wow.

Perino is a contributor to the pants-shitting going on in the media about whether Fort Hood was a terrorist attack or not and whether or not that matters (it doesn't). She went on Fox News recently (shocker) to talk about it, and went on to say Obama's refusal to dub the incident a terrorist attack is a political move.
"We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush's term," she told Sean Hannity. "I hope they're not looking at this politically. I do think that we owe it to the American people to call it what it is."
Ah, Dana must mean the second term, the term that she worked the last leg of, during that whole "yeah this country is balls-deep in problems but we're emotionally checked out" period. Because there was...well, forget it.

Hug a girl from the side, be a gangsta

We all know that nothing makes Jesus more mad than genitals touching, even through the protective barrier of clothing. It's science.

Thankfully, we have a way to address this issue - which undoubtedly has become the most pressing challenge the church faces in our time - of young people becoming oddly satisfied with being in an embrace with the front of someone else.

In fact, I am told, some young people do this without said clothing. I believe it is universally known as the "No-Pants Dance," but I am not sure. I give side hugs.

What's a side hug, you may ask? Well, it's only the greatest invention in the world. You see, people like me know that God would rather have us out spreading his word and giving handjobs to bananas rather than getting all hot and bothered in an embrace with some babe from our youth group.

And, luckily, there are people like me who are even more awesome. They're so awesome that they made this rap song, which is chock full of sick nasty beats and even comes to a gangsta violent ending all while spreading the holy message of the "Christian Side-Hug".

Which, come to think of it, could have just been called the side-hug, since no one has ever wanted to give anyone one of these before, ever. Or maybe the "happy birthday, Uncle Jerry, you're drunk" hug. I don't know.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Phrases you don't usually like seeing together

'Unusual event' reported at Beaver County nuclear plant

Apparently there is nothing to fear, as that is simply a classification for a situation not involving radiation leaks. Either way, sources at the plant say this worker, who is probably to blame for the incident, has been missing from the scene for quite some time:

I just blew a line of Lipitor to be safe

Angry young men risk heart attacks

This news hopefully does not come too late for Josh and me. Luckily, we nipped this in the bud a few years ago when we decided that drinking a bottle of whiskey was no longer going to be regarded as an option for how to spend an evening; however, as anyone who occasionally glances over some of our musings here knows, we tend to get a bit worked up over the little things.

The author, pictured above about 30 seconds after
the Twilight media blitz began

Given our blatant disregard of health as it is, frequent drunken rampages and affinity for Primanti's cappicola sandwiches - and paired with this article's finding that young men with anger issues and temper flares are three times more likely to develop heart disease - if we switch our diets to strictly vegan right now, we'll at least make it to around thirty. Huzzah!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Hip-Hop Friday

It's late, but still Friday in my eyes, so fuck you. Plus, I was waiting for the other one to dip out the other page; deal with it.

Danger Doom - The Mask ft. Ghostface Killah

Friday, November 20, 2009

Now we know how Vietnam feels about our newfangled search engines

100% virgin pulp?!

Daryl Metcalfe: keeping state politics pants-shittingly crazy

This only matters to our PA readers, so like, maybe three of you, but is interesting for all you other bohemians nonetheless.

It pains me to tell you that our favorite birther and Thomas Jefferson-misquoting state rep is now the chairman of the House Intergovernmental Affairs Committee.

Fortunately, nobody really knows what the fuck state government - let alone a lesser-known committee - does other than waste time, get bonuses and use state money for campaigns.

In light of this historic moment for the good Representative, we took a walk down memory lane to give you all some of our favorite moments of Metcalfe's stellar legislative career:
  • Opposed a resolution for "Domestic Abuse Awareness Month" in the state because the legislation noted males being abused as well, and thus according to Metcalfe was "promoting the homosexual agenda."
  • Called veterans who were campaigning for climate change "traitors to the oath he or she took to defend the Constitution of this great nation" for promoting a progressive agenda about the global warming.
  • Refused to support a resolution honoring 60 years of service to a Muslim group because, here's the kicker, "Muslims don't recognize Jesus Christ as God."
Good to know that a true patriot is in a leadership position in our great state. I feel that the Constitution, or at least the parts that allow me to keep an AR-15 in my house in case any immigrants get in, is truly being kept safe in the gentle hands of a good church-going man.

Mick Foley + The Daily Show = YES

You may recall a post we did on that very articulate young kid who is taking a stand for gay marriage. We gave you our take, and were anxiously awaiting Jon Stewart's take, because it was going to inevitably be funnier and all-around more intelligent than anything we could have strung together.

Thankfully, we were correct. And to top it off, Stewart brings back one of the great heroes of our time, the professional wrestler who at one point was the reason I used to take off my sock and force it into a friend's mouth and subsequently had no friends, Mick Foley, a.k.a. Dude Love, a.k.a. Mankind.

Stewart offers a pretty good security force to young William Philips, who has been called a "gay-wad" by his peers. Even this shit rag suggested - quite dichheadedly - that Philips learn how to fight; I guess they ran out of things to write about in defense of Oliver North and Richard Nixon. Don't even do them the dignity of clicking the above link.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Gaywatch - Peter Vadala & William Phillips
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealth Care Crisis

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Reason #9,867,417 why I am urging Canada to annex Michigan

Our favorite quote from the article above:
One supporter screamed, "Tea party!"
I mean, come on people, does our great union really look all that different without that cesspool of idiocy, shame and this?!

Think about it.

Oh holy sweet babies please let this happen

The Consol Energy Center is impressive, it really is. It dominates the view into downtown from the Hill District, greeting you with a booming "HELLO! HOCKEY!!" when driving down Centre Avenue. Even its construction time has been so atypical of the Pittsburgh-esque glacial-paced development trend we've grown accustomed to.

Either way, the Con is not the Igloo. It is not one of the great sport of hockey's last great temples, and it never will be in our lifetime. Which is why we are delighted to find out that there are folks like us out there that want to see to it that the Civic (and later, the Mellon) Arena remains intact and becomes a historical site in our city. And, unlike us, these people are architects.
A local architect today took his battle to save Mellon Arena from the wrecking ball to its owner, the city-Allegheny County Sports & Exhibition Authority.

Rob Pfaffmann urged the SEA board to allow for a full public dialogue on the future of the arena, including his plan to salvage the 48-year-old landmark and transform it into a community ice skating rink along with shops, entertainment, and restaurants similar to Chicago's Millenium Park. He also would reconnect Wylie Avenue in the Hill District with Downtown as a pedestrian greenway.

Mr. Pfaffmann, a Downtown architect, said the team may be able to secure historic tax credits for the development. He also feels it is more cost effective to work with the existing infrastructure than to tear it up and start anew.
Chicago's Millenium Park (click for a bigger one):

In case you were wondering, yes, those are gardens on the roofs of some of those buildings. That's a tag team effort in garnering Rustbelt's support. Tell me that wouldn't be an epic win for the old girl, who has seen too many amazing memories over the years to be simply torn down.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Mustache rides

"I want to grow a mustache," you say, "but I don't know what style to shave it into." Well, lucky for you, Maxim has created a flowchart to assist in that very important decision:

As always, click the image to make it bigger. Damn blog format...

Here to help? Nah, I'm just here to gloat

Pittsburgh's Allegheny County offers Cuyahoga some lessons in reform

It appears that our sworn enemy, Cleveland, has come to us in peace, asking us for advice on how to make local government more efficient and industry corridors appear out of thin - albeit previously polluted - air. With this news comes yet another win for Pittsburgh.

Look, when Pittsburgh decided to collectively get its shit together, we were too busy learning how to parallel park and unsuccessfully trying to score with Oakland Catholic girls. So we are in no way part of this city's renaissance in that right, but we're at least basking in it now.

Nonetheless, our everlasting hostility towards all things Cleveland, our birthright, knows no bounds. It is not simply restricted to football franchises and no longer is maintained within the confines of Heinz Field and wherever the Browns play their games these days. You've got to take these opportunities to kick 'em while they're down when you can.

We do remain civil to ex-pats such as our very own Matt, though.

h/t Pop City

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Late Night Video Club

Glen Hansard and Mic Christopher - You Ain't Goin' Nowhere

If you've never had a chance to go see Glen Hansard and The Frames... do so as soon as possible. They are rock. Unfortunately seeing Mic is not possible, but his music lives on. Enjoy these busking Irishmen.

Hockey Blog Outsourcing 2.0

Let us take a moment and reflect on some of the news and notes from around Rustbelt's favorite league:

Pittsburgh Penguins lose player number 437 to injury this season:
Jesus tap dancing Christ how many more players can we possibly lose?!? Alex "GoGo" Goligoski is down two to three weeks with an undisclosed injury. Seriously Pens stop trying to make your Cup Defense 09-10 so goddamn difficult. The good news is at least our Russian sex machine is back and ready to rock.

Letestu sent packing back to Wilkes-Barre/Scranton:
Most of you will look at that headline and wonder who in the great blue balls is Mark Letestu. Well fret not you won't have to worry about who he is anytime soon. He spent a bit of time with the big club, only to be scratched in favor of tRBT whipping boy Chris Bourque (dick).

Shanny calls it quits:
Brendan Shanahan has decided that after 21 years of scoring goals and spending time in the penalty box he is going to hang up his skates. Shanny retires at number 11 in career goals and is the only player to have over 600 goals and 2,000 penalty minutes. In fact he has spent nearly 42 hours in a penalty box over the course of his career. So long good sir.

Superstar will be burying pucks come Thursday:
Instead of burying his face into the chest of that dirty yinzer chick behind the counter at A&L motors. Seriously Max... Go re-do that new commercial... it sucks harder than Michel Ouellet. But in all seriousness we heard he "may" return and immediately crossed out fingers and began saying "please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please."

That's all for now. Yes that was mainly Pens news, but what the hell did you expect when you came to a blog that is so hardcore for all things Pittsburgh? Now go do something productive with your existance... We sure as hell aren't.

What happens when you mix Viagra and cell phones


For the readers of this blog who are too lazy to click let me paint you a picture...
"If you're sitting in a restaurant waiting for your food, you can just talk dirty to someone, and no one knows what you're doing," Jill says, in a slow Southern drawl. "I would rather talk on the phone. But I'm also comfortable with hiding behind texting if I want to say something dirty."
Sounds kind of sexy... Right? Now imagine that Jill is in fact a 50 year old woman. Brace yourselves youthful readers of tRbt: Your parents are sexting.

Yes the recent fad of sending sexually explicit text, or even picture messages has found its way to the AARP card holding members of this fair country. No longer are pre-teen children being kicked out of schools for sending naked pictures of one another. Now it seems your mom is sending a nice photo to dad while he is out at some conference in Sheboygan, Wisconsin.

So next time you send that message to your significant other wondering what she is wearing think for a minute... Could your significant other's parents be doing the same thing?

Prepare to die

Well, it looks like CERN went ahead and fixed their Big Bang machine, or as we like to call it, the black hole-generator/earth-destroyer. This means sooner or later they're going to be back to their usual antics of firing high-speed particles at each other with a big-ass piece of equipment.

Which, in our opinion, would have made one hell of a science project in grade school. While Timmy is busy bringing in his stupid volcano and Suzie is showing off the candy solar system her parents put together, me and Josh are setting up our Large Hadron Collider. Pick us first in gym class, or die via black hole. Your move.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Five things that really suck right now

This is not a Keith Olbermann rip-off (and even if it was, he's not really legitimate enough to matter), but rather a list of the five things we currently feel are either severely overrated or just god-awful and should be avoided by anyone who values their conscience.

5. Sarah Palin's return to the national spotlight

Only in a country obsessed with Jon and Kate could someone like Sarah Palin excel at attracting legitimate attention. Why we are all still talking about her is beyond me; her post-campaign life has resembled that of a trashy reality television show on CMT. But yet we enable her horrendous remarks about ridiculous conspiracy theories and death panels by giving her more attention. Jesus...

4. Weezer's Raditude

Part of the joy of listening to Weezer over the years has been wondering just how weird frontman Rivers Cuomo is, and if he ever is going to grow up. You learn on Raditide that he is not only pretty weird, but also a massive attention whore who probably was a flash in the pan lyrically, and in fact is not ever going to grow up. Terrible commercialized half-assed effort.

3. The Apocalypse

I don't care about the Mayans, I don't care about the guy who held the boom box up and played that Peter Gabriel song in that 80's movie, I don't care. I feel like I'm back in high school trying to trip the kid who was walking down the hall with an armful of the Left Behind books.

2. Fox News

This one might be mainstay on this list, but with their recent purging of YouTube clips featuring their programs (and targeting the ones published by progressives) as well as Shep Smith's awkward and forced apology regarding his complaint about balance, Fox News is looking pretty damn douchey right now.

1. Where the Wild Things Are (film)

Before this movie came out, I was pondering who or what was more overrated than writer Dave Eggers. I discovered it while watching this movie - the answer is a cooperative effort between Dave Eggers and fellow overrated person Spike Jonze. The moral of Sendak's genius book gets lost in this mopey, emo bitchfest that tries way too hard to say "fuck you" to whatever you hoped the movie would be and instead strives to be the least interesting story ever told by anyone ever. The visuals are great, but so are the visuals from a mushroom trip, and at least the latter doesn't tackle you to the ground and take a dump on your dreams.

Kids these days

Don't think we're giving CNN props whatsoever, because we're not. We're not giving that American Morning douche props either, because he sucks massively. We can't stress how much we hate CNN.

That being said, this was the first interview we could find with this kid who won't pledge allegiance to the flag because gays can't get married, and he just rocks. He gets a Rustbelt star of the day for being smarter than most people. What a badass.

This week in places where people are starving

Click the image to view it a little larger. This map represents the world in relation to food consumption. The places where food consumption is higher than normal are proportionally swollen, and the places where it is lower are shrunken:

Surprise! We eat a lot, and Africans don't. Now go enjoy your lunch, fatass.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Hip Hop Friday

- Cut Chemist Suite
Because you heard this song in high school, and you thought it was legit. Admit it.

Suck it, Earth

Yeah, you heard me. With your stupid oceans and your dumb atmosphere. You can take all your fuzzy animals and and trees and gravity and ozone and stick them right up your rapidly-disappearing-but-still-rather-icy ass, you big blue bitch.

Oh, you think I'll take this all back? Think in the end, we'll need you? You think John Cusack and Roland Emmerich are gonna scare me? Well, they're not, and you're not; you know why? Because NASA found water on the Moon. Shazam!
The confirmation of scientists’ suspicions is welcome news both to future explorers who might set up home on the lunar surface and to scientists who hope that the water, in the form of ice accumulated over billions of years, could hold a record of the solar system’s history.

The satellite, known as Lcross (pronounced L-cross), slammed into a crater near the Moon’s south pole a month ago. The impact carved out a hole 60- to 100-feet wide and kicked up at least 24 gallons of water.
So you just keep on heating up and giving us that back talk with all your hurricanes and earthquakes and bad shit happening, and we're liable to up and leave you. Hell, I'll be the first volunteer to go up to the moon.

Or, you know, we could rename it Eagle Freedom Jesus Land and hope the Tea Party folks take the bait.

Now yinz know what to get us for Christmas

From some random website we accidentally stumbled upon during our hourly Facebook creep:

"Whether you prefer chardonnay or merlot, this is the wine glass you need. You can savor the flavor all night long as this glass can hold up to a full bottle of your favorite fruit of the vine. It's just the thing for a cozy night in."
Now why didn't we think of that? It's not like we don't drink a bottle (or 6) in one sitting, anyways.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Favorite non-Steeler. Ever.

The Steelers are a perfect organization; they have balance in all facets of the game, and are time-tested to be a winner every year. Anyone who thinks that the team isn't a football dynasty is either kidding themselves or praying to their Brady Quinn poster for a monster comeback.

With all the talks of Larry Johnson bitching about wanting to become a Steeler, we thought it would be appropriate to say that Rustbelt does not support the idea of LJ coming to the 'Burg. We do, however, wish there was some way to acquire Jared Allen, because, as you see in the video below, he very well might be the coolest dude ever:

Dear Rooney fam, let's get on this.

Chalk another one up for the 412

Now, as our five consistent readers will know, nothing gets the folks at tRBT more turned on than Pittsburgh getting national exposure. Our love for Pittsburgh is an evangelical love; all we want to do is spread it like Christianity and herpes to the rest of the world, and we like to think that we do it as often(at least more often than we do with the herpes - talk about a dry spell) as possible.

This is why we are proud to present you with the news that our mayor, Luke Ravenstahl, has been selected as one of the potential candidates for TIME Magazine's "Person of the Year" award.

Part history, part pop culture, part self-promotion, the magazine has sparked anticipation and debate for decades with its designation of the person or thing -- the computer made it in 1982 -- deemed to have had the most influence on the year's news,

Fresh from his re-election victory, Mayor Luke Ravenstahl has been selected by Time for a panel that will meet tonight in New York City as part of the magazine's selection process for this year's designee.

That's right. Get used to seeing this, bitches:

Come to think of it, why hasn't Snoop gotten this award yet, especially for his pivotal role in Half Baked?

But for real, you know and we know that you know a guy like that.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

This week in pwning Glenn Beck

Click the image to view it bigger, and thus read it. h/t HuffPo

Click here to read the story that explains the arbitration Beck just lost, but the Reader's Digest version is that a satirical website mocking his logic was set up, Beck wanted it removed, filed suit and lost. The guy who started the site wrote the letter above to Beck after the case.

No word yet on when he's going to address the recent aardvark scandal, though.

Not true

Study: Pittsburgh one of the safest metro areas for pedestrians

Seriously...did the people who conducted this study try and cross Grant Street or the Boulevard of the Allies while some HVAC guy in a truck with a customized "STILERZ" license plate is making an illegal turn whilst firing up his sixth Marlboro red and taking a swig of his Circle K coffee?

No, this has to be a joke.

Monday, November 9, 2009

This week in discouraging fucking news

It appears that John Barbero, longtime voice of the one and only Igloo, is not doing so well. Barbero, a Roscoe native, is suffering from Astrocytoma: an inoperable brain tumor. We reported back in August that the Pens were looking for another announcer, and knew that Barbero was ill, but this didn't cross our minds.

We wish you well in your recovery John and hope to hear your voice ringing out again before they shut dahn the Civic Arena for good.

Rustbelt would also like to send out well wishes to Penguins president David Morehouse. Mr. Morehouse suffered a heart attack this morning as the Pens were preparing to leave San Jose for tomorrow night's game in Boston. We'd insert some joke about the play of the team here, but it just doesn't seem right with all this shitty news. Good news is the PG reports that Morehouse is resting comfortably and is expected to make a full recovery.

Sexy Racist Times: Military discrimination edition!

No more Muslims in the military, argues asshole right-wing AFA director Bryan Fischer. No offense, he says, this isn't Muslim discrimination or anything, but since this one Muslim guy when balls-crazy and shot up a military base (this has happened before with non-Muslims), they should all no longer be eligible to serve their country the way infidels do.
It's time we all got over the nonsense that all cultures and religions are equally valid or worthy. They most certainly are not. While Christianity is a religion of peace, founded by the Prince of Peace, Islam is a religion of war and violence, founded by a man who routinely chopped the heads off his enemies, had sex with nine-year old girls, and made his wealth plundering merchant caravans.

And just as Christians are taught to imitate the life of Christ, so Muslims are taught to imitate the Prophet in all things. Yesterday, Nidal Malik Hasan was simply being a good Muslim.
You're so right, Bryan! Because good peace-loving Christians never, ever, ever are the bad guys! We just flit around like little Jesus-doves, never executing people like Mohammed did. Nothing like those savages.

The best part of this post has been saved for last; so we've placed an excerpt of its comments section below. Apparently, these people haven't been reading the Bible enough to get some basic spelling down:
  • Allowing Muslims in any place of leadership especially the military is insane! Islam is pollitcal worse then communisim.
  • I agree 100% with this article. They are barbarians and the sooner we label it as it is the sooner the public may GET it!!! Moslims are not fit to serve in the US Military in any branch for their loyalty is to a their brain washed religion of violence and kill the infidel....which is all of us. Send them back to where they came from and let them cut each other heads off.
  • It does my heart glad to read the responses to this story. I now have hope that there are some other, like myself, that know the dangers of Islam and are not drinking in the poison of "tolerance" My prayers will be that more will wake out of their drunkeness to stand up for truth, to know and confess what's right and what's wrong, what is good and what is evil.
  • It is about time we wake up and keep Muslum's out of the militaary, and watch them closely before more tragedies occur.
  • I would go further and say, Muslims should stay in their own country, where they could share their beliefs with fellow Muslims.
Does this scare the shit out of you?

Video mix of the day

Quite possibly the best video/music mash we've ever seen.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Sunday Evening Bird-plosion

Because every weekend should come to its close with creepy, ghoulish-looking clouds of birds:

Saturday, November 7, 2009


Oh yeah: The bill passed. So that guy can suck it.

Hockey Blog Outsourcing

I've been slacking... I know it and you know it. To make up for my lack of posting I present you with news from around the NHL, because hockey rocks and you know it.

Foppa to the Canucks?
It seems Peter Forsberg may not yet be done with the NHL. He has yet to play a game for MoDo, his Swedish Elite League club, and is in discussions with the Vancouver Canucks to hit the ice again. This may help a severely injured Canucks club, but the question remains can Foppa escape injury and actually play?

The Confluence faces everyone's favorite question: Why is Mike Yeo still coaching?!
The idea of someone else running the Pens' powerplay has been on the minds of fans for quite some time. Their recent short comings in that department have once again added fuel to the fire. I for one went back and forth on this, feeling that at least the penalty kill is great, but really it is time for a change. Put simply ewoks humping Al Roker's leg have more success.

Bucci gives us his ode to the hockey mask.
I know others have done this, but I have a giant man-crush on John Buccigross and his obsession with hockey. Gimme a break. Read his salute to 50 years of head protection for the men being peppered with vulcanized rubber. *Author's note: goalie's, while required to wear a helmet, do not have to wear a mask. Begin discussions of who is fucking crazy enough to complete said feat... my vote goes to Ray Emery.*

Deryk Engelland is playing for the big boys.
Engelland was called up for tonight's game against the San Jose Sharks. This news came shortly after coach Disco held Alex "GoGo" Goligoski out of practice. Goligoski seems a bit worn down and dinged up... Hopefully this is a short term assignment, and not a long term problem. GoGo has been a pleasant surprise and with Gonchar still out having him on the bench does not bode well. If he plays this will be Engelland's first NHL game.

Puck Daddy takes a look at the Blue Jackets' financial troubles.
This is shame. Columbus is an up and coming club with a solid roster and a pretty good market to back it. Puck Daddy shows the good that came to the area from adding a pro hockey team, but some changes need to be made to keep the team there. We fully support keeping the Jackets in C-Bus and hopefully the will stay.

Ok that's all for now. I've wasted enough of your time putting up articles you will glance over read voraciously. Enjoy.

Your weekend reminder that the future looks pretty stupid

Virtual goods start bringing real paydays

Look, we're not saying that, on an evening when our decision-making has been clouded by PBR and shame, we haven't pondered the merits of purchasing something badass on Farmville when that virtual time-suck shamefully held us hostage for a few weeks. I for one, admittedly, have come very close on a few occasions to spending very real money on very not-real items. We all have our flaws, so piss off.

That being said, if you read the article we linked above, it will come to your attention that the international market forecast for virtual goods is to the tune of $5 billion. Virtual goods. Nonexistent. Does that blow your mind?

If this is any indication of where business is headed in terms of everyday commerce, we're going to chalk this up alongside Jon & Kate obsessions, Balloon Boy, Fox News ratings, The WWE, Dancing with the Stars, the Jonas Brothers and Lady GaGa as one of the many reasons why the present (and future) is looking awfully stupid.