Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Pretty good, Henson Studios. Pretty good. I'm thinking next time, they could do a Fraggle Rock version of DragonForce's Through the Fire and Flames. How sick nasty would that be?
Thank you, Al Gore. Surely it is not what you had planned when you invented the internet, but Wookieepedia represents the internet's epic triumph of nerdery nonetheless. With amenities like the "Featured Article" (this week being Jedi Padawan Windo "Warble" Nend) and a Random Article link, this is officially our favorite thing on the internet right now.
Come on, like you didn't want to know what Han Solo was up to growing up and becoming awesome. Shazam! Now you know.
Haven't you lost sleep over whether or not C-3P0 was gay? Well I have; and although that question remains unanswered, we learn that Threepio not only was the leader of a robot rebellion at one time, but he friggin' dies:
Ever wonder what a Mandalorian civil war looks like? Now you know:
Finally, we would like to put a clause in our "Wikipedia should never be used for actual information" rule on Rustbelt. Yes, Wikipedia can only be used for humor's sake or to get a point across (like hyperlinking Iraq when talking about mistakes), but Wookieepedia is a valid internet source and should - and will - be treated as such.
Perino is a contributor to the pants-shitting going on in the media about whether Fort Hood was a terrorist attack or not and whether or not that matters (it doesn't). She went on Fox News recently (shocker) to talk about it, and went on to say Obama's refusal to dub the incident a terrorist attack is a political move.
"We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush's term," she told Sean Hannity. "I hope they're not looking at this politically. I do think that we owe it to the American people to call it what it is."Ah, Dana must mean the second term, the term that she worked the last leg of, during that whole "yeah this country is balls-deep in problems but we're emotionally checked out" period. Because there was...well, forget it.
Thankfully, we have a way to address this issue - which undoubtedly has become the most pressing challenge the church faces in our time - of young people becoming oddly satisfied with being in an embrace with the front of someone else.
In fact, I am told, some young people do this without said clothing. I believe it is universally known as the "No-Pants Dance," but I am not sure. I give side hugs.
What's a side hug, you may ask? Well, it's only the greatest invention in the world. You see, people like me know that God would rather have us out spreading his word and giving handjobs to bananas rather than getting all hot and bothered in an embrace with some babe from our youth group.
And, luckily, there are people like me who are even more awesome. They're so awesome that they made this rap song, which is chock full of sick nasty beats and even comes to a gangsta violent ending all while spreading the holy message of the "Christian Side-Hug".
Which, come to think of it, could have just been called the side-hug, since no one has ever wanted to give anyone one of these before, ever. Or maybe the "happy birthday, Uncle Jerry, you're drunk" hug. I don't know.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Apparently there is nothing to fear, as that is simply a classification for a situation not involving radiation leaks. Either way, sources at the plant say this worker, who is probably to blame for the incident, has been missing from the scene for quite some time:
This news hopefully does not come too late for Josh and me. Luckily, we nipped this in the bud a few years ago when we decided that drinking a bottle of whiskey was no longer going to be regarded as an option for how to spend an evening; however, as anyone who occasionally glances over some of our musings here knows, we tend to get a bit worked up over the little things.
The author, pictured above about 30 seconds after
the Twilight media blitz began
Given our blatant disregard of health as it is, frequent drunken rampages and affinity for Primanti's cappicola sandwiches - and paired with this article's finding that young men with anger issues and temper flares are three times more likely to develop heart disease - if we switch our diets to strictly vegan right now, we'll at least make it to around thirty. Huzzah!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Danger Doom - The Mask ft. Ghostface Killah
Friday, November 20, 2009
It pains me to tell you that our favorite birther and Thomas Jefferson-misquoting state rep is now the chairman of the House Intergovernmental Affairs Committee.
Fortunately, nobody really knows what the fuck state government - let alone a lesser-known committee - does other than waste time, get bonuses and use state money for campaigns.
In light of this historic moment for the good Representative, we took a walk down memory lane to give you all some of our favorite moments of Metcalfe's stellar legislative career:
- Opposed a resolution for "Domestic Abuse Awareness Month" in the state because the legislation noted males being abused as well, and thus according to Metcalfe was "promoting the homosexual agenda."
- Called veterans who were campaigning for climate change "traitors to the oath he or she took to defend the Constitution of this great nation" for promoting a progressive agenda about the global warming.
- Refused to support a resolution honoring 60 years of service to a Muslim group because, here's the kicker, "Muslims don't recognize Jesus Christ as God."
Thankfully, we were correct. And to top it off, Stewart brings back one of the great heroes of our time, the professional wrestler who at one point was the reason I used to take off my sock and force it into a friend's mouth and subsequently had no friends, Mick Foley, a.k.a. Dude Love, a.k.a. Mankind.
Stewart offers a pretty good security force to young William Philips, who has been called a "gay-wad" by his peers. Even this shit rag suggested - quite dichheadedly - that Philips learn how to fight; I guess they ran out of things to write about in defense of Oliver North and Richard Nixon. Don't even do them the dignity of clicking the above link.
|The Daily Show With Jon Stewart||Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c|
|Gaywatch - Peter Vadala & William Phillips|
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Our favorite quote from the article above:
One supporter screamed, "Tea party!"
Either way, the Con is not the Igloo. It is not one of the great sport of hockey's last great temples, and it never will be in our lifetime. Which is why we are delighted to find out that there are folks like us out there that want to see to it that the Civic (and later, the Mellon) Arena remains intact and becomes a historical site in our city. And, unlike us, these people are architects.
A local architect today took his battle to save Mellon Arena from the wrecking ball to its owner, the city-Allegheny County Sports & Exhibition Authority.Chicago's Millenium Park (click for a bigger one):
Rob Pfaffmann urged the SEA board to allow for a full public dialogue on the future of the arena, including his plan to salvage the 48-year-old landmark and transform it into a community ice skating rink along with shops, entertainment, and restaurants similar to Chicago's Millenium Park. He also would reconnect Wylie Avenue in the Hill District with Downtown as a pedestrian greenway.
Mr. Pfaffmann, a Downtown architect, said the team may be able to secure historic tax credits for the development. He also feels it is more cost effective to work with the existing infrastructure than to tear it up and start anew.
In case you were wondering, yes, those are gardens on the roofs of some of those buildings. That's a tag team effort in garnering Rustbelt's support. Tell me that wouldn't be an epic win for the old girl, who has seen too many amazing memories over the years to be simply torn down.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
It appears that our sworn enemy, Cleveland, has come to us in peace, asking us for advice on how to make local government more efficient and industry corridors appear out of thin - albeit previously polluted - air. With this news comes yet another win for Pittsburgh.
Look, when Pittsburgh decided to collectively get its shit together, we were too busy learning how to parallel park and unsuccessfully trying to score with Oakland Catholic girls. So we are in no way part of this city's renaissance in that right, but we're at least basking in it now.
Nonetheless, our everlasting hostility towards all things Cleveland, our birthright, knows no bounds. It is not simply restricted to football franchises and no longer is maintained within the confines of Heinz Field and wherever the Browns play their games these days. You've got to take these opportunities to kick 'em while they're down when you can.
We do remain civil to ex-pats such as our very own Matt, though.
h/t Pop City
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
If you've never had a chance to go see Glen Hansard and The Frames... do so as soon as possible. They are rock. Unfortunately seeing Mic is not possible, but his music lives on. Enjoy these busking Irishmen.
Pittsburgh Penguins lose player number 437 to injury this season:
Jesus tap dancing Christ how many more players can we possibly lose?!? Alex "GoGo" Goligoski is down two to three weeks with an undisclosed injury. Seriously Pens stop trying to make your Cup Defense 09-10 so goddamn difficult. The good news is at least our Russian sex machine is back and ready to rock.
Letestu sent packing back to Wilkes-Barre/Scranton:
Most of you will look at that headline and wonder who in the great blue balls is Mark Letestu. Well fret not you won't have to worry about who he is anytime soon. He spent a bit of time with the big club, only to be scratched in favor of tRBT whipping boy Chris Bourque (dick).
Shanny calls it quits:
Brendan Shanahan has decided that after 21 years of scoring goals and spending time in the penalty box he is going to hang up his skates. Shanny retires at number 11 in career goals and is the only player to have over 600 goals and 2,000 penalty minutes. In fact he has spent nearly 42 hours in a penalty box over the course of his career. So long good sir.
Superstar will be burying pucks come Thursday:
Instead of burying his face into the chest of that dirty yinzer chick behind the counter at A&L motors. Seriously Max... Go re-do that new commercial... it sucks harder than Michel Ouellet. But in all seriousness we heard he "may" return and immediately crossed out fingers and began saying "please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please."
That's all for now. Yes that was mainly Pens news, but what the hell did you expect when you came to a blog that is so hardcore for all things Pittsburgh? Now go do something productive with your existance... We sure as hell aren't.
For the readers of this blog who are too lazy to click let me paint you a picture...
"If you're sitting in a restaurant waiting for your food, you can just talk dirty to someone, and no one knows what you're doing," Jill says, in a slow Southern drawl. "I would rather talk on the phone. But I'm also comfortable with hiding behind texting if I want to say something dirty."
Yes the recent fad of sending sexually explicit text, or even picture messages has found its way to the AARP card holding members of this fair country. No longer are pre-teen children being kicked out of schools for sending naked pictures of one another. Now it seems your mom is sending a nice photo to dad while he is out at some conference in Sheboygan, Wisconsin.
So next time you send that message to your significant other wondering what she is wearing think for a minute... Could your significant other's parents be doing the same thing?
Monday, November 16, 2009
5. Sarah Palin's return to the national spotlight
Only in a country obsessed with Jon and Kate could someone like Sarah Palin excel at attracting legitimate attention. Why we are all still talking about her is beyond me; her post-campaign life has resembled that of a trashy reality television show on CMT. But yet we enable her horrendous remarks about ridiculous conspiracy theories and death panels by giving her more attention. Jesus...
4. Weezer's Raditude
Part of the joy of listening to Weezer over the years has been wondering just how weird frontman Rivers Cuomo is, and if he ever is going to grow up. You learn on Raditide that he is not only pretty weird, but also a massive attention whore who probably was a flash in the pan lyrically, and in fact is not ever going to grow up. Terrible commercialized half-assed effort.
3. The Apocalypse
I don't care about the Mayans, I don't care about the guy who held the boom box up and played that Peter Gabriel song in that 80's movie, I don't care. I feel like I'm back in high school trying to trip the kid who was walking down the hall with an armful of the Left Behind books.
2. Fox News
This one might be mainstay on this list, but with their recent purging of YouTube clips featuring their programs (and targeting the ones published by progressives) as well as Shep Smith's awkward and forced apology regarding his complaint about balance, Fox News is looking pretty damn douchey right now.
1. Where the Wild Things Are (film)
Before this movie came out, I was pondering who or what was more overrated than writer Dave Eggers. I discovered it while watching this movie - the answer is a cooperative effort between Dave Eggers and fellow overrated person Spike Jonze. The moral of Sendak's genius book gets lost in this mopey, emo bitchfest that tries way too hard to say "fuck you" to whatever you hoped the movie would be and instead strives to be the least interesting story ever told by anyone ever. The visuals are great, but so are the visuals from a mushroom trip, and at least the latter doesn't tackle you to the ground and take a dump on your dreams.
That being said, this was the first interview we could find with this kid who won't pledge allegiance to the flag because gays can't get married, and he just rocks. He gets a Rustbelt star of the day for being smarter than most people. What a badass.
Surprise! We eat a lot, and Africans don't. Now go enjoy your lunch, fatass.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Oh, you think I'll take this all back? Think in the end, we'll need you? You think John Cusack and Roland Emmerich are gonna scare me? Well, they're not, and you're not; you know why? Because NASA found water on the Moon. Shazam!
The confirmation of scientists’ suspicions is welcome news both to future explorers who might set up home on the lunar surface and to scientists who hope that the water, in the form of ice accumulated over billions of years, could hold a record of the solar system’s history.So you just keep on heating up and giving us that back talk with all your hurricanes and earthquakes and bad shit happening, and we're liable to up and leave you. Hell, I'll be the first volunteer to go up to the moon.
The satellite, known as Lcross (pronounced L-cross), slammed into a crater near the Moon’s south pole a month ago. The impact carved out a hole 60- to 100-feet wide and kicked up at least 24 gallons of water.
Or, you know, we could rename it Eagle Freedom Jesus Land and hope the Tea Party folks take the bait.
Now why didn't we think of that? It's not like we don't drink a bottle (or 6) in one sitting, anyways."Whether you prefer chardonnay or merlot, this is the wine glass you need. You can savor the flavor all night long as this glass can hold up to a full bottle of your favorite fruit of the vine. It's just the thing for a cozy night in."
Thursday, November 12, 2009
With all the talks of Larry Johnson bitching about wanting to become a Steeler, we thought it would be appropriate to say that Rustbelt does not support the idea of LJ coming to the 'Burg. We do, however, wish there was some way to acquire Jared Allen, because, as you see in the video below, he very well might be the coolest dude ever:
Dear Rooney fam, let's get on this.
This is why we are proud to present you with the news that our mayor, Luke Ravenstahl, has been selected as one of the potential candidates for TIME Magazine's "Person of the Year" award.
Come to think of it, why hasn't Snoop gotten this award yet, especially for his pivotal role in Half Baked?
But for real, you know and we know that you know a guy like that.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
No word yet on when he's going to address the recent aardvark scandal, though.
Seriously...did the people who conducted this study try and cross Grant Street or the Boulevard of the Allies while some HVAC guy in a truck with a customized "STILERZ" license plate is making an illegal turn whilst firing up his sixth Marlboro red and taking a swig of his Circle K coffee?
No, this has to be a joke.
Monday, November 9, 2009
We wish you well in your recovery John and hope to hear your voice ringing out again before they shut dahn the Civic Arena for good.
You're so right, Bryan! Because good peace-loving Christians never, ever, ever are the bad guys! We just flit around like little Jesus-doves, never executing people like Mohammed did. Nothing like those savages.
The best part of this post has been saved for last; so we've placed an excerpt of its comments section below. Apparently, these people haven't been reading the Bible enough to get some basic spelling down:
- Allowing Muslims in any place of leadership especially the military is insane! Islam is pollitcal worse then communisim.
- I agree 100% with this article. They are barbarians and the sooner we label it as it is the sooner the public may GET it!!! Moslims are not fit to serve in the US Military in any branch for their loyalty is to a their brain washed religion of violence and kill the infidel....which is all of us. Send them back to where they came from and let them cut each other heads off.
- It does my heart glad to read the responses to this story. I now have hope that there are some other, like myself, that know the dangers of Islam and are not drinking in the poison of "tolerance" My prayers will be that more will wake out of their drunkeness to stand up for truth, to know and confess what's right and what's wrong, what is good and what is evil.
- It is about time we wake up and keep Muslum's out of the militaary, and watch them closely before more tragedies occur.
- I would go further and say, Muslims should stay in their own country, where they could share their beliefs with fellow Muslims.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Foppa to the Canucks?
It seems Peter Forsberg may not yet be done with the NHL. He has yet to play a game for MoDo, his Swedish Elite League club, and is in discussions with the Vancouver Canucks to hit the ice again. This may help a severely injured Canucks club, but the question remains can Foppa escape injury and actually play?
The Confluence faces everyone's favorite question: Why is Mike Yeo still coaching?!
The idea of someone else running the Pens' powerplay has been on the minds of fans for quite some time. Their recent short comings in that department have once again added fuel to the fire. I for one went back and forth on this, feeling that at least the penalty kill is great, but really it is time for a change. Put simply ewoks humping Al Roker's leg have more success.
Bucci gives us his ode to the hockey mask.
I know others have done this, but I have a giant man-crush on John Buccigross and his obsession with hockey. Gimme a break. Read his salute to 50 years of head protection for the men being peppered with vulcanized rubber. *Author's note: goalie's, while required to wear a helmet, do not have to wear a mask. Begin discussions of who is fucking crazy enough to complete said feat... my vote goes to Ray Emery.*
Deryk Engelland is playing for the big boys.
Engelland was called up for tonight's game against the San Jose Sharks. This news came shortly after coach Disco held Alex "GoGo" Goligoski out of practice. Goligoski seems a bit worn down and dinged up... Hopefully this is a short term assignment, and not a long term problem. GoGo has been a pleasant surprise and with Gonchar still out having him on the bench does not bode well. If he plays this will be Engelland's first NHL game.
Puck Daddy takes a look at the Blue Jackets' financial troubles.
This is shame. Columbus is an up and coming club with a solid roster and a pretty good market to back it. Puck Daddy shows the good that came to the area from adding a pro hockey team, but some changes need to be made to keep the team there. We fully support keeping the Jackets in C-Bus and hopefully the will stay.
Ok that's all for now. I've wasted enough of your time putting up articles you will
Look, we're not saying that, on an evening when our decision-making has been clouded by PBR and shame, we haven't pondered the merits of purchasing something badass on Farmville when that virtual time-suck shamefully held us hostage for a few weeks. I for one, admittedly, have come very close on a few occasions to spending very real money on very not-real items. We all have our flaws, so piss off.
That being said, if you read the article we linked above, it will come to your attention that the international market forecast for virtual goods is to the tune of $5 billion. Virtual goods. Nonexistent. Does that blow your mind?
If this is any indication of where business is headed in terms of everyday commerce, we're going to chalk this up alongside Jon & Kate obsessions, Balloon Boy, Fox News ratings, The WWE, Dancing with the Stars, the Jonas Brothers and Lady GaGa as one of the many reasons why the present (and future) is looking awfully stupid.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Pitchfork has decided to stream their documentary Heima for one week only. This 12 part documentary features the band in all their glory during the summer of 2007 crossing all parts of their native Iceland.
I for one own this documentary and must say that it is epic... IMDB users agree. Seriously, if you are even the smallest fan of Jonsi et al, take a break and watch this. The cinematography of Iceland itself is worth the time. You can choose certain chapers if you wish, but watching the whole thing is quite an experience.
It just went up today, so go watch it already dammit!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Afterwards, you may want to drink yourself into a drooling, comatose state in order to forget that you live in a country this embarrassing. I mean come on: the Super Bowl of Freedom? This is all so mind-blowingly stupid and irrational, I truly have nothing at all to say about it, other than wow.
Complete tRBT highbrow smartass joking aside, the fact that these people were running around citing the Holocaust and Jewish banking conspiracies and terrorism is pretty finger-in-the-back-of-the-throat-after-a-bottle-of-Jack-Daniel's-and-a-40-of-Colt. 45 vomit-inducing.
We are bummed that Dan Onorato used this event as a shameless plug for his gubernatorial run, but there's really nothing anyone can do about that. The man really wants to be the Guv, we guess.
In memory of Mr. Rogers, we'll be prank calling several people with this amazing soundboard.
Finally, Democrats have grown a pair. We elected you people into a SUPER FUCKING MAJORITY, gave you a Democratic President and put a shit ton more D's in the House, and you finally realize that you don't need support from the teabagging side. ONE YEAR AFTER WE DO THIS SUPER AWESOME FAVOR FOR YOU. Now all we need is for the President to own his shit and start regulating these bastards, and we're talkin'! But wait, we may have an internal problem:
Max Baucus. The man who is is responsible for the watered-down health care bill because he was too big of an insurance industry whore to get too into the public option. The man who was given $262,640 by electric utility companies and $585,000 from energy and natural gas companies. Wonder why he's not too privy on the strict emissions caps. Jesus.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Yes, Brown has become yet another leader of a government to criticize a Rupert Murdoch media outlet, this time going after The Sun, a British tabloid-quality news source that is more famous for exposing stories about furious ex-Beatles and their relationships than any actual journalism. But apparently, by supporting some bloke over there from the Conservative party, they did enough to piss PMGB off:
Unfortunately, most people in England are smarter and less batshit-paranoid-insane about their government, and thus sadly there has been little to no public reaction to Brown's comments. No tea parties, no town hall meetings, no awkwardly misspelled protest signs, no nothing.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Hmmm. "Thou shall not lie." So they're going to edit that part about abortions being taxpayer subsidized, right?
Because, you know, closing schools is the answer to everything. That is, if the question is how to increase gang violence, alienate children from an early age, indoctrinate people into never trusting their school board again, or how to get kids to stop coming to school altogether.
Does anyone else have the awful feeling that education is doomed?
Back to HuffPo: listen people, calm down. We need folks like Arianna Huffington, the ones who kept their shit together the longest during the election last year and who have been level-headed and clear-eyed about new American liberalism to NOT buy in to the whole "Obama's the worst President 9 months into his presidency" bullshit.
Arianna's new editorial criticizes Obama's ability to govern, asking the reader what the "campaign Obama" would say to President Obama about not living up to some of his lofty idealogical promises. She says that David Plouffe, Obama's old campaign manager, should have called his book "The Timidicy to Govern," rather than "The Audacity to Win."
That's all fine and dandy, Ms. Huffington, but we've said it before and we'll say it again: you didn't help to get this man elected because he is some Politico-Jesus-robot that is going to come down and impale lobbyists and the "old boys" on the Hill with a spear made out of Paul Wellstone's crashed plane; you did it because he was the rational choice to get this country back on track OVER A FOUR YEAR PERIOD. Give the man a presidential term, and if he's still not living up to your excpectations (I'm sure you can give Sean Penn and Tom Hanks a call, go have a $300 dollar sushi dinner and discuss whether or not he is doing enough for the middle class) then vote him out.
But for now, shut up about what Obama is not doing, and think about what he is doing: trying to get this country out of a septic tank that is lined with eight years - not the nine months Obama's been in there - of pure, thick, Texas-brewed poo. So calm down, please.
Monday, November 2, 2009
However, what they didn't really get their Lord-softened brains around was that eBay might not exactly be privy to this notion. In fact, the internet auction site thought it was exactly what we think it is: pretty stupid.
Classy, gentleman. Really classy. Glad we're all grown-ups here.
Does it scare the bejeesus out of anyone else that this was actually making money before it was shut down?