Thursday, April 30, 2009

"Rollin' down the street smokin' medicinal endo" just doesn't sound as gangster.

Yesterday, lawmakers decided that we as a great American state need a better slogan. "You've got a friend in Pennsylvania" and "The Keystone State" are pretty substantial, but "Mmmm...pop-tarts" seems to be more conducive to Harrisburg's latest solution to their budgetary (and metabolic) woes.

Enter Mark Cohen, a Democrat (duh) from Philadelphia. Cohen is supporting House Bill 1393, which would allow someone (me?) to obtain small amounts of marijuana for legal medicinal uses; so long as the "patient" procures a nice little suggestion from their doctor, a card issued from the state and has a desire to carry a glassy-eyed, shit-eating grin on his or her face for a few hours.
"The only thing blocking this bill's passage is the old image that marijuana has from the 1930s," Mr. Cohen said. "It's time to create a new image, as a form of treatment that, when prescribed by responsible doctors, could help thousands of patients in Pennsylvania."
The medical reasons are obvious. Get an anorexic person stoned and see if they can't resist a slice of pizza; give someone who is suffering from nausea caused by chemotherapy a bong rip and see how they're feeling. Hell, probably 90% of our readership knows it's a damn fine hangover cure.

But to Mr. Cohen and his 6 other sponsors thus far, there are other immediate advantages to this bill, like implementing the 6% sales tax and a $50 annual fee for using it. That's a cool $25 million annually in the state's bank account. To lawmakers concerned with high incarceration rates, or to people taking a hit right now and hoping the Schwann's guy doesn't walk in, this bill offers some relief:

Mr. Cohen said there are 35,000 marijuana arrests in Pennsylvania a year, with many of those charged being people suffering from a painful disease. "We need to have cures, not wars" on patients, Mr. Cohen said. "We need to stop arresting people using marijuana for medical reasons."
Not arresting people for medical reasons...that still isn't exactly where we at tRBT want the law to be, but it sure beats the hell out of what we're working with right now.

This is a big step for the Commonwealth, which is one of the few states still governed by creepy, puritan ideals that prohibit buying booze on the day the Lord rested, or for that matter buying booze pretty much anywhere else. It is also a big step for a nation that is inherently terrified of becoming European socialist, pot-smoking, sodomizing, Citroen-driving , tolerant, artsy, manpris wearing evolutionists.

With the sudden policy changes that are affecting gay marriage, drug laws, a diplomatic and multilateral foreign policy, health care reform and stem cell funding (not to mention the stimulus bill and Republicans jumping ship), I would say that right now it is a really, really shitty time to be a conservative in this country. Welcome to our world, 2000-2008.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Does this mean Winnie the Pooh can't be friends with Piglet anymore?

Run for the hills, make a mad dash for the nearest giant eagle and stock up on canned goods, get some aluminum siding and begin construction of your fallout shelter and prepare for...
The long and glorious history of diseases and epidemics that have risen to torment the world over the last 10 years continues with its newest hall of famer, the swine flu. it's been a little over a week since the term SWINE FLU(cue dramatic music..again) first penetrated its way into our earholes and began fist fucking the brains of the world and they are already throwing around the term pandemic. I can't help but picture somewhere a the head of FOX news and NBC and ABC and all the other corporate media pimps sitting around a conference table, dicks in hand, circle jerking over the first whispers of a brand new disease that could... OH GOD YES I'M GETTING CLOSER!... enslave the world.... ooohh oooohhhhhh OOOHHHHHH!!!!
.... I'll go get a towel.

These are the moments that every shit-flinging media head dreams about. The possibility of reporting one of the most important stories of the moment. The chance to help millions with quality unslanted information. the chance to report the facts and most importantly...make millions off of the fear that they will instill in the gradeschoolers who don't understand, the hypochondriac housewives, the epically elderly, and all the others who swallow the shittainted loads that the newsmen(and women) blow into our info hungry faces. These are the same people that brought us such life-altering fear-ingraining epidemics as West Nile Virus and SARS - a disease so serious it got it's own free celebratory concert once Canada was free of it!
I mean who are we kidding, when the Swine Flu has dissipated and we've all moved on, we are not gonna go "wow that shit got real" we are gonna keep it all American and laugh. but i don't think there is gonna be a concert held in its honor like SARS...I mean that is a tough act to follow... and that fact alone... the lack of celebration through music is the real tragedy of the whole situation.

So unless you're a toddler, ridiculously old, already have a serious illness (umm AIDS maybe... easy to forget ongoing previous illnesses when there are newer hipper ones coming out) you'll probably survive. So don't go to Mexico, don't eat pork, don't make out with any swine, don't talk to people of color, don't go outdoors, don't breath outside air, just stop existing for awhile, bury yourself in your homes, block out your windows... I believe the GOP once offered the suggestion to combat air based biological warfare by using plastic-wrap and duct tape over your windows... and just fucking shut down, or face the wrath of THE SWINE FLU!!!!! (one last time with the dramatic music please)

WTF is going on with Mike Green's Hair?

It's sort of a half mohawk, half bowl cut, half emo thing going on up there. Wait, that's one half too many. Mike Green's hair is Manbearpig.

Maybe he joined AFI, or the band that they ripped off, The Misfits. Whatever it is, it's stupid. And so is his team. He looks like a cross between Channing Tatum and a child molester. Sadly, I don't know which half of that hybrid is more dangerous to society.

This might be a superstitious playoff beard or haircut that was seemingly temporary, but later might have been credited with winning the series. That certainly would explain Jaromir Jagr's Hitler soul patch last year or Syd's straight up peach fuzz.

Either way, bring on the Caps.

Oh yeah, thanks to Seth Rorabaugh and Empty Netters for catching this awful hairdo.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Putting His Foote Down

This has been a long time coming...

According to the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, Pittsburgh Steelers inside linebacker, Larry Foote, will be released sometime within the next week.

"It was my doing," Foote told the Post-Gazette. "I wanted to go. They were trying to trade me.'' Foote has one year left on his contract that was scheduled to pay him a salary of $2,885,000 in 2009.

Anyone following the Steelers for the past year, and especially leading up to that recent Super Bowl win (huzzah!) understand that this is nothing new. Larry has said he does not want to take a pay cut and wants to play as a full time starter. That's great and all, but it isn't going to work on this team. Not with Lawrence Timmons waiting anxiously behind you on the depth chart to pimp slap any would be ball carriers that attempt to cross the line of scrimmage.

This isn't a bad thing, and while Foote has been a solid starter since 2004, it is his time to move on. The Rooneys and all others involved with this organization would keep him if it was necessary, but in reality dropping his cap number in favor of the younger, faster and stronger Timmons is just smart business.

Foote will be seen again, just not in Black & Gold. Thank you for your time sir... you've done well.

I Sense a Conspiracy...

You see it everywhere... CNN is all over it.
You hear it everywhere... in between calls for donations NPR cannot stop talking about it.

Swine Flu.

Is this the latest in a long line of flu strains that will dominate our news cycle for a month or two until Octo-Mom goes ape shit on one of her kids? Or is this something more...

Could this possibly be the first signs? Could this really spell the end of mankind as we know it? Could I possibly continue making each and EVERY sentence a goddamn question?!?

Sorry... lost my head for a moment. For those of us familiar with these signs, the truth is all but clear. This isn't some form of flu that hopped from pig to human... this isn't any type of flu at all... this is the beginning of the end


Scoff if you may, but while you are sitting around collecting your surgical masks, the authors of this blog will be out preparing for the approaching zombie hordes. Tell your loved ones, leave all major cities and begin stockpiling weapons and other necessities right now.

The end is extremely fucking nigh...

Death of Muscle Car Creator

With the possibility of bankruptcy looming, GM, once one of the finest automobile manufacturers on the planet, is boxing up their performance division. Pontiac is closing its doors for good. The manufacturer, credited with the creation of the Muscle Car Craze of the 1960's and 1970's, will be disbanded after the 2010 model year. The move comes just as GM is preparing to go before Congress and President B-Rock with hat in hand asking for an additional $11.6 billion.

Now all political and business talk about the death of the American auto industry and how it may just be best to let them go belly up, this comes as a giant kick in the pants to those of us here at tRbT who love all things dealing with the internal combustion engine. Pontiac was long known for taking large engines and shoving them into small, relatively lightweight cars and making them go as fast in a straight line as humanly possible... just don't attempt to turn.

A sad day indeed for car lovers everywhere... and those of us who own a Pontiac vehicle and hear that re-sale value dropping like a rock.

Tell your mother to throw out her diaphram... its time for some Raw Doggin!

Just wanted to say word up and get ready for your minds to be blown wide open!!
So keep your minds, ears, eyes, and (most importantly) mouths open and waiting because I'm the conductor and all I do is run the fucking train!!

and remember breeders......

Da Pens

This just in as well, Bylsma signs multiyear deal.......Must run but ESPN can take it from here.

Despite the magic bullet theory, Arlen is a pretty good guy.

The republican world today was rocked by the announcement that one of their own, Arlen Specter, has jumped ship and has now plans on joining the liberal gay loving hordes that will undoubtedly descend upon the country, take their guns, ban country music, piss on the statue of liberty, and replace their old outdated religion with a new! Sorry, I was simply predicting the rant Limbaugh will bless the airways with tomorrow morning. And I see Sean Hannity already has a stimulating conversation going on his website. (At the time of this post, there was only one post. One BillyM 2007 is glad to see him go.)

Ok Billy, let me rap with you for a little bit here. Even if Specter is defeated in the 2010 election, which is possible because lets face it kids, outside of Pittsburgh and Philadelphia this state gets a little scary. But we still have over a year till we have to worry about that. In the meantime however, Specter's new enlightenment can only mean one thing for the already retreating Republican Party; they are only one vote away from pissing in a volcano so to speak. By that I mean I mean Al Franken will most likely take office in June once all that shit in Minnesota gets straightened out. (Come on now its been six months, Democrats lost the general election with more grace than you did Senator Coleman.) Once he gets to Washington that will give the Democrats 60 members in the senate. Last time I checked that is a filibuster proof majority. Rush Limbaugh himself could not stop the Democrats from doing what they want when they want to do it.

But lets be real people. Despite my sarcasm about the Democrats coming to take your guns and your religion and whatnot, it's not going to happen. While the Democrats will have a easier time getting their agenda across there are still "liberals" out there that are pro gun and very religious. Central Pennsylvania, your guns and religion are safe, so you can go fuck your sheep with with a clear mind tonight despite your loss.

Their wine is pretty good, but their air is all tirey!

There are a lot of things that people love about Erie. I for one enjoy going wine tasting (Mazza is fantastic), buying a few bottles and going on a drunken rampage on the lake. Which is actually a pretty sweet lake, by the way. They even are on the short list for the coveted "All-America Cities" status, an award granted to municipalities that have made an industrial, economic or environmental turnaround.

But there are still a lot of things that are really, really shitty about Erie, PA.

For instance, it snows. Not like your typical Pittsburgh Public School snow day, either. I'm talking Fargo snow.

Another thing is, Erie Renewable Energy wants to burn tires to produce electricity.
ERE will employ circulating fluidized bed ("CFB") technology to convert Tire-Derived Fuel ("TDF") into a combustible compound that can be fired in a boiler to produce steam that will power a steam turbine and produce the stipulated energy.
See, the concept here is okay. Take a waste product and find a way to turn it into electricity. That way you empty the landfills while cashing in on a "green" initiative. Here's the issue: you're burning "tire-derived fuel." That is a nice euphemism for liquidized rubber, and the artificial additives included to make tires. And that pisses Mother Earth off big time.

So what can you do about it? First, get really pissed off. Then, go here and read up on some stuff, then go to the protest they are having at the potential plant site (info on the aforementioned web on Friday, May 1 at 4:10 PM, at the Former International Paper Site, near East Lake Road and Downing Avenue. 814-490-9599 for more details. And check the KEEP (Keep Erie's Environment Protected) website for other stuff going on too.

You really can't say he didn't give you chance to see he is acting.

This actually makes sense. Conservatives are not really getting that Stephen Colbert is mocking them. I get that part.

Wait, no. I don't get it. How can you not tell that this guy is completely making fun of stupid people (and that 90% of the time, the stupid people are conservatives)? That would be like saying that FOX's answer to the Daily Show, the Half-Hour News Hour, was actually a liberal perspective that Rupert Murdoch approved and signed off on. It would also be like saying that it was a good show.

Exhibit A:
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Who's Riding My Coattails Now? - Blown Away by the USA
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorGay Marriage Commercial

Brooks Orpik is one of the best human beings ever forged out of iron and testosterone.

Ahh, the NHL playoffs. A time for upsets, jokes about the losing teams playing golf rather than championship hockey, and Sidney Crosby's terrifyingly rapist-like shitstache. But aside from these perennial gems, the playoffs are also a time for reflection. Brooks Orpik is reflecting on a lot of things; probably about how he is going to recreate "The Shift," only this year it is going to involve punching at least two children.

He never admitted that, but he did have a lot to say to Ron Cook about how great it is to be a Penguin.
"A lot of the guys who have left feel that way. The older guys -- Gary Roberts, Darryl Sydor, Mark Recchi -- used to tell me we have something special here. I think the commitment level -- the camaraderie level -- that this group of guys has is unique in sports."

Orpik grinned, his electric blue eyes dancing even more than usual.

"As stupid and cheesy as that sounds, I really believe it's one of the reasons we are where we are right now."

I like how Cook calls Orpik's crazy eyes that spawned one of the greatest nicknames in sports "electric blue."

Free Candy also revealed something about a certain player that, as what almost happened to Orpik, went off to a team with less talent for a bigger paycheck.

"A guy like [former Penguins teammate] Ryan Malone, if he had to do it all over again, he'd take a lot less to stay here," Orpik said. "I know at the trade deadline, he was begging to come back here.

Brooks Orpik is a man. Read that Ron Cook article if you don't believe me. If not, Brooks knows where you live. He even knows where you enjoy privacy the most. And he's watching.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Seafaring Man vs. Rush Limbaugh

Everyone has grown tired of hearing about the Somali Pirates. Luckily (see below), we now have a pandemic to divert the media's attention, so we are probably going to get a break from hearing about said piracy. Hopefully this should act as supplemental material for Pirate news as well as Rush Limbaugh is a dumbass news:

Shane Murphy, second in command on the American merchant ship seized by those pesky Somali swashbucklers, came back onto land and had some rather harsh words for that scalawag Rush Limbaugh:
"It feels great to be home," Murphy said. "With the exception of Rush Limbaugh who is trying to make this into a race issue. It's disgusting.
Shane here is referring to Rush Limbaugh's comments early last week when he referred to the pirates as "Black Muslim teenagers." He then went on to comment, "Just imagine the hue and cry had a Republican president ordered the shooting of black teenagers on the high seas." They are just the latest in racist outcries that have pretty much made up the entirety of Rush's career.
"You gotta get with us or against us here, Rush," Murphy said. "The president did the right thing...It's a war.... It's about good versus evil. And what you said is evil. It's hate speech. I won't tolerate it."
Suck it, Rush.

Dear everyone who is not a fetus: the GOP wants you dead.

Remember this debacle?

If not, I'll give you a quick rundown. Bobby Jindal, governor and post-2008-election GOP messianic figure, claimed that science was lame sauce and that we as a nation spend too much money on worthless things like monitoring the oceans, researching volcanoes (if Jesus made it, it can't harm us, right?) and the likes. Then a volcano erupted in Alaska, and the monitoring equipment gave everyone the adequate warning and, despite pretty low approval ratings among interpreters of the New Testament, science saved the day.

Little did we know that this was not just a dumbass remark from a not-so-smart governor of a not-so-smart state; instead, this was the first stage of a massive effort to kill you and everyone you love.

Turns out there were a few other things the GOP had a problem with in the Stimulus Bill, besides the fact that the whole thing was pro-communist-socialist-Marxist-sodomy: Republicans also criticized language on pandemic preparedness as well.
But former White House political czar Karl Rove and key congressional Republicans -- led by Maine Senator Susan Collins -- aggressively attacked the notion that there was a connection between pandemic preparation and economic recovery.
Famously, Maine Senator Collins, the supposedly moderate Republican who demanded cuts in health care spending in exchange for her support of a watered-down version of the stimulus, fumed about the pandemic funding: "Does it belong in this bill? Should we have $870 million in this bill No, we should not."
So in conclusion, the GOP is trying to murder you; they want to kill you with wars in which they get you motivated to fight but then leave you there for extended tours of duty, with lava, with diseases born from Mexicans/Pigs/Mexican Pigs, and eventually with all sorts of other things. Shrapnel will definitely be in there though.

"Why are they doing this?" you might ask. Well, we think there could be a lot of reasons. The obvious is, with less people around, there proportionally are going to be less rational people around. That's good news for upcoming elections.

Who knows? Maybe this godforsaken planet's immune system is finally kicking in and trying to sweat us off like a bad fever. Nonetheless, this is all going according to the GOP's plan: create a post-apocalyptic wasteland wiped out by violence and disease. Then, the survivors will become locked in an epic battle between Good and Evil. Kinda like The Stand, only Jesus comes at the end.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Mayor Ravenstahl = Joker, The NRA = Animal Mother

And man is Animal Mother pissed. Turns out our favorite gunslingers are not too privy on Mayor Luke's notion that a good way to stop guns from getting into the wrong hands is "compelling" gun owners to report the loss or theft of their firearms to law enforcement within 24 hours of becoming aware that the weapon is missing.
The NRA, in its 19-page complaint in Common Pleas Court, wrote that the ordinance "severely restricts and/or infringes" the individuals' "ability to possess firearms in their own home for personal protection and business purposes and further constitutes an unreasonable search."
Business purposes? I don't know of any businesses that really need a gun other than the ones that involve killing someone. And if you are legally allowed to do that, I think you would want the police to know the item that you fire at humans is missing and is now probably in the hands of someone more dangerous with it than you.

And I do guess that if you have a gun that is not registered, so you have an illegal gun, and it gets stolen and you have to call the cops and let them know that you and the guy who who stole your gun broke the law, that too creates a problem for lovers of freedom everywhere. And you know that will lock up some of your best ammo purchasers: who's going to get a gun permit when it's more American to show everyone your constitutional right to be a badass?
It quotes state law that bars municipalities from regulating the "ownership, possession or transportation of firearms."The complaint asks for an injunction to prevent enforcement, followed by a decision declaring the ordinance unconstitutional, and payment by the city of the plaintiffs' attorney fees and costs of litigation.
Wait a minute, NRA, you've got a point there; it is against state law for a municipality to regulate the ownership, possession or transportation of firearms. And, you know, the guy breaking into your house and stealing your gun is, on a technicality, physically moving your gun from one place to another. And by stealing the gun, regardless of the legality of that action of course, he or she then in fact possesses a gun. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.

I saw three ships a'sailing in...and now I'm a racist.

This little nugget comes from our friends over at FOX:
Hundreds of Brown students had asked the Providence, R.I. school to stop observing Columbus Day, saying Christopher Columbus's violent treatment of Native Americans he encountered was inconsistent with Brown's values.
O, wealthy Caucasian people: the kings and queens of the "Jason Bay" (meaningless) protests. Just yesterday on Forbes Avenue a group of students who were definitely not Palestinian were protesting the violent attacks Israel was conducting on Palestinian civilians; sadly, what their poster boards and sharpies failed to mention was that Palestinians were still attacking and torturing Israelis as well. Whoops!

But that is neither here nor there. Back to Brown. Brown University was founded by and had received endowments from slave owners. Hell, the school even led the research of the link between slavery and the Ivy League a few years back. The results? The institutions were financed in some measure by wealth accumulated through the Triangular Trade.
Brown, the seventh-oldest U.S. university, was built with contributions from people who owned slaves or traded in Africans, including the original Brown family, who owned the Sally and sponsored the voyage that killed 109 of its 196 captives.
So let me get this straight, students and faculty at Brown. You don't want to celebrate a holiday named after a guy who oppressed indigenous peoples, cheated them in order to turn a profit for his own nation, and aggressively forced them out of their homes and customs and into a lower echelon of society. Right? Just making sure.

Oh yeah, and get this. What do you think Brown did as soon as their "breakthrough" research was finished? They hired the Ivy League institution's first African-American president: Ruth J. Simmons.

Haven't we seen this move made before?

Thursday, April 23, 2009


After what can be seen as a highly disappointing loss, the hopes and dreams of some Pens fans may be waning. The idea of Crosby, Malkin and Fleury doing lines of blow off the rim of Lord Stanley seem to be fading faster than FSN's feed of this evenings game (fuck you by the way... BLACKOUT FOR THE ENTIRE SECOND PERIOD!?!).

For those of you who fall into this fair-weathering category... piss off. For everyone else, fret not. While our flightless birds looked... well flightless, the dream is still there. We still have a 3-2 lead on this series and some of the best talent ever assembled on one team.

We were simply outplayed by the better team. In the course of the NHL playoffs, this will happen, but unlike football where we would be done by now and off beating our loved ones, or bustin' a cap in some bitches ass, we still have time left. Dan Balls-in-my-face will re-group this team, and Geno will lay more of his hard earned money on the line to spur this team on to another win.

This is still a race to 4 wins, and we are still ahead.

Go Pens.

Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Crick

The Igloo is packed full of fans in all white, while the front lawn becomes a haven for those of us too poor to drink AND afford tickets to this game. Mike Lange stands vigilantly over looking the ice with a bottle of scotch at his side.

It's a hockey night in Pittsburgh...

Go Pens.

Did you receive a bailout? Looking for another way to say fuck you?

Coming next, wiping my ass with treasury notes.

This is too easy

Only in Akron.

So this is what Germany felt like in '45

Speaking of letting people do shit, America: you have no right to be pissed about this. Are you really surprised that this came out now? We all knew it was a matter of time. For 8 years we let it happen and the most we ever did was start an open debate about whether waterboarding was torture; half of you probably perceived that it was a recreational sport (this guy seems to be in the right position, anyway). The pants-shitting going on in the media right now is making us good blue-staters look bad. All we did was vote for Gore and Kerry - we didn't sign off on torture like our appointed/elected leaders did. So put them on trial and stop reminding me it happened, because we all knew then and we didn't do anything.

And why wouldn't they torture innocent people? How else could we find all those terrorists threatening 'Merican soil? It's not like we can walk into Afghanistan or Iraq clinking glass bottles together, beckoning all ill-willed Islamic fundamentalists to come out and play:

Now that's one hell of a foreign policy idea. Alert Secretary Gates immediately.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Cleveland Rocked: A Preview

My day involved talking down a schizo, teaching basic algebra (Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally), and haggling over the price of a Victorian rug; thus, I lack the energy to compose a full post. However, I have decided to post a short film clip for your viewing pleasure. This should adequately "set the tone" for the future ravings of a Pittsburgh man-boy subsisting in the Cle'. Enjoy!

Alcohol, Firearms and Big Macs

In a time when our nation's economy is dropping faster than Freddie Mac executives in their basement (too soon?) we can rely on one world wide hog fest to see us through. McDonald's and its plethora of artery clogging meals has watched its sales increase "slightly" over the first few months of this year.

Profits at the the US fast-food giant, the world's largest hamburger chain, rose 4% to $979.5m (£676m) from $946.1m in the same period last year. Global sales grew by 4.3%, with those in the US up by 4.7%, those in Europe increasing by 3.2% and those in Asia, the Middle East and Africa climbing by 5.5%.

The best part is this cannot be blamed solely on over-weight, wheezing Americans! Don't worry neighbors around the world, Chuck Norris will be knocking on your door to help shed those pounds soon.

College Educated

Since this is my first posting on the Fox News of leftist blogs (total bias and complete spin) I would like to give a good ol' fashioned political rant.

Obamamania, the lovely couple of months where our main man Barack Obama could kick a puppy on the White House lawn and still maintain ridiculously high approval ratings, seems to be coming to an end. While even I was aware that such a love affair couldn't last forever, I am dismayed by the voices of dissent coming from the lowest 25% of American intelligence. That is right folks, I am speaking of none other than the Tea Parties!

Ah the Boston Tea Party. A great moment in the history of our country. Where our colonial ancestors, oppressed with taxes by a King that did not see fit to include them in his government rose up to declare this is not right, there must be a change. What a thoughtful and effective political statement. Now lets flash forward to 2009 where we have just had an ELECTION people. Where the TEA PARTY crowd (those who think Palin was the second coming of Christ herself) can hardly contain their lack of historical understanding as well as the actual policies of the man who recently beat the shit out of them in the recent general election. Almost all of the people at these tea bagging fests will in fact receive a tax break. Unless Donald Trump and Bill Gates attended one, but I doubt it.

I present to you exhibit 1 and 2. Now I can't lie, when I was in college I may or may not have referred to Bush as a fascist from time to time. The man did in fact take away some constitutional rights and had people tortured, in many cases to death, but that's all in the past right? But the fact is that Bush and republicans are on the "right" side of the political spectrum. Hitler was on the far far right. Democrats are on the left, Lenin and Stalin were on the far far left. Will somebody please tell these people the dramatic difference between communism and fascism? You can't pick both people, just go with the communist sign. It levels things out; we already claimed Hitler for Cheney. Granted the hammer and sickle for the O is kind of cute, some serious brain power went into making that comparison. Gold star for you!

Now I am not going to turn this into a research paper, but one quote from this article on BBC News really got me pissed. (Please people check out the BBC, it seems they report relevant information) One poster complained that "American taxpayers are the Jews for Obama's ovens". Really people? Really? Now if anyone actually reads this I do not want you to think that I am against political rally's. I in fact support what these tea baggers are doing. Our nation was founded on dissent and is in my opinion one of the most patriotic things you can do. But if you are going to protest the government, put a little more thought into it. Don't make the comparison between a legitimate protest during the revolution and today where you live in a representative government. *Note when liberals protested things like water boarding, some actually were water boarded. Now that's ballsy.

Global warming = Big Brother = night squads using stealth to break into your house at night and strangle your children so they can't produce CO2.

And once again, we learn that big government is evil.

According to Congressman Radanovich (Guess which political party, CA), this whole Global Warming initiative is just a front to funnel money in from all the Joe the Plumbers, Hockey Moms and Joe Six-Packs out there.

The entire premise behind a cap and tax energy proposal is to punish those who produce, thereby punishing those who consume, which by my quick math amounts to everyone in the United States. Unfortunately, the sadistic nature of radical environmentalism is the disproportionate impact on the poor. While there are some families in this country who can afford to be burdened by a $3,128 energy tax—the vast majority cannot.

You're exactly right, Congressman. If Americans waste as much CO2 as you do every day fumbling and bumbling around real issues while vomiting your rhetorical banter, the ice caps would be gone and Pittsburgh wouldn't be 40 degrees right now.

I'm also not so sure you are the right guy to be talking about the poor, what with the whole California legislator thing going for you - you know, in a district that is 75.5% white, the median income is a comfy (for rural Cali) $50,000.00 and 60% of the jobs are white collar.

Just Sayin'

The Earthiest day of them all

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c
Back in Black - Kids' Earth Day
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Economic CrisisPolitical Humor

Stop it. Stop killing Spongebob.

And stop blaming cow farts.

Call Christian Bale. The machines are coming.

This little blue-eyed fella might look innocent to you. In fact, "Andy Roid" over here might even classify as cute to some of you folks who don't enjoy the brassiness or the homoerotic energy pouring from C-3PO. But the truth of the matter is, Andy was sent here to kill you and your parents.

Like the Roomba, Andy is the next step towards the enslavement of the human race. Before long we will all be speaking in binary, administering oil baths and worshipping a giant Hal 9000 replica that we were forced to build.

Still don't believe me? You can visit the Carnegie Science Center on June 13th to witness firsthand the Robot Invasion. The Science Center will be opening "the world's largest and most comprehensive permanent robotics exhibition." (you can read this PG article for additional details)

Get ready for the invasion. Because, you know, if the machines never take over, the gays will. So prepare yourselves.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Ryan Doumit out 8-10 Weeks

The Bucs' only real chance at an MVP title or a winning season will be on injured reserve for at least two months. Jason Jaramillo, who we think should make a slight change to his name and number as pictured above, will be taking over the starting catcher's gig. As most Pirates rookies, he is 27 and is starting his carreer in the majors way too late.

Here's to you, Jagramillo - let's hope you don't end up like every Pirates' catcher who ever played before you (besides Manny Sanguillen) and have a good start followed by a steady decline into baseball obscurity. Cheers mate!

When it comes to pride, and other sinful matters

For those of you in the 'burgh area on Friday, June 5th, please find your way to the Three Rivers Arts Festival featuring The (fuckin') Black Keys. The delicious sounds of Mr.Auerbach and Mr. Carney will be flowing from the Dollar Bank Stage at Point State Park. You know that big grassy area where everything meets in Downtown. more details can be found here: music goodness

In Fleury We Trust.

As the bars empty and our fearless fans stream away from the massive screen sitting outside one of hockey's last temples (fuck you NBC) we would like to take this opportunity and ask for a moment of silence in honor of the tremendous play of one Marc-Andre Fleury.

More to come later when the beer loosens its grip and the hatred for the Flyers and their shitty fan base wanes.

Go Pens.


The Rustbelt Tramp would like to welcome you to a new arena for our leftist political banter, biased insight towards all things Pittsburgh sports, and anything else we feel like sharing with the three people who are going to consistently check this (two of them being contributors to this blog).

As a sort-of disclaimer, and also for nostaligia and time-killing's sake, allow me the liberty to provide a brief background on these shenanigans:

It all started, as all things in Pittsburgh do, downtown, where one young man was getting fed up with people bugging him on Facebook every time he posted an open letter to Ed Rendell or a response to the tea-bagging that flooded our airwaves and he decided the only way to piss people off without beckoning an opposing response was to start a blog. What was that? People can still publish comments on our posts here? Yeah.......? Well, fuck it, we already did the paperwork for this bad boy so it looks as if we are riding it until the wheels fall off.

Anyways, he then aligned the nation's three greatest writers, thinkers and recreational drug users with him to form an allegiance that was, to quote the fearsome foursome, "a little better than your average blog, a SHIT TON better than CNN!"

So now the four young men are stuck between boredom and elitism, and are probably going to make fun of your mom, your political beliefs and your favorite sports team (if they are not from Pittsburgh) along the way.