Damn you Google...why are you so amazing?

The most significant find in years: a rainforest in Africa. Northern Mozambique, to be exact. How was it found? Google Earth.



And you thought it was cool that you could see your car in your driveway on the damn thing.

Dick Cheney was right.

Our country is, like, soooo less safe.

Tell that to the FBI, who just broke up what most certainly would have been a devastating attack. Except for the fact that they had been following these kids for quite some time, and even sold them the bombs, which were fake. They even used Bush/Cheney buzzwords like "terrorist" and "jihad."

The four men arrested Wednesday night in what the authorities said was a plot to bomb two synagogues in the Bronx and shoot down military planes at an Air National Guard base in Newburgh, N.Y. were petty criminals who appeared to be acting alone, not in concert with any terrorist organization, the New York City police commissioner said Thursday.

The men were arrested in an elaborate sting operation at around 9 p.m. on Wednesday after planting what they believed to be bombs in cars outside the Riverdale Temple, a Reform synagogue, and the nearby Riverdale Jewish Center, an Orthodox synagogue.

See, Dick? We're still fighting those 'turrorists'. In fact, Barry's getting the job done a little more efficiently than you. First, he killed pirates. Now, his FBI stopped the first attack plotted on American soil since the beginning of his term. I can't remember if your guy did that or not.

Yep, I'm feeling pretty unsafe right now.

Well, that's one way to say "I want the fuck outta here"

Our good friends down under have been having trouble with Karta, a 27-year-old upstart orangutan. Karta, not satisfied with life as a primate in a zoo, decided she was going to take matters into her own hands and peace out before Australia's economy gets worse and the government decides it's a good idea to stop funding zoos.

You gotta hand it to her; she's probably better with electronics than you are, and hot damn can she build a ladder. Makes you not feel so bad that we evolved from Karta's cousins, huh?

Tell me this is not the most badass thing you've seen an orangutan do:

Seafaring Man vs. Rush Limbaugh

Everyone has grown tired of hearing about the Somali Pirates. Luckily (see below), we now have a pandemic to divert the media's attention, so we are probably going to get a break from hearing about said piracy. Hopefully this should act as supplemental material for Pirate news as well as Rush Limbaugh is a dumbass news:

Shane Murphy, second in command on the American merchant ship seized by those pesky Somali swashbucklers, came back onto land and had some rather harsh words for that scalawag Rush Limbaugh:

"It feels great to be home," Murphy said. "With the exception of Rush Limbaugh who is trying to make this into a race issue. It's disgusting.

Shane here is referring to Rush Limbaugh's comments early last week when he referred to the pirates as "Black Muslim teenagers." He then went on to comment, "Just imagine the hue and cry had a Republican president ordered the shooting of black teenagers on the high seas." They are just the latest in racist outcries that have pretty much made up the entirety of Rush's career.

"You gotta get with us or against us here, Rush," Murphy said. "The president did the right thing...It's a war.... It's about good versus evil. And what you said is evil. It's hate speech. I won't tolerate it."

Suck it, Rush.