Blog Outsourcing 1.2

Jupiter has been attacked.
NASA has confirmed an Earth-sized hole in the gas giant's atmosphere Monday night. Experts are saying "something large" has struck Jupiter in the last few days, most likely a comet or a block of ice. We're just glad Jupiter is bearing the brunt of all these cosmo-shenanigans, because if that thing came our way we would be needing a ride off of this rock.

Ed Rendell sucks worse than ever.
PA Governor Ed Rendell's job approval rating dropped to the lowest level it's been, according to a statewide poll. Rendell seemed confused when presented with this information, citing that the city of Philadelphia seemed to be quite pleased with him. The closest reporter to the governor began citing Pennsylvania's other 66 or so counties, but the comments were not heard as the governor, donning a Scotty Hartnell wig, began "going at it" with the Philadelphia Phanatic. Without getting too avant-garde with the details, we'll just reveal that a statuette of Rocky and a shellacked cheesesteak from Pat's were used in ways which God had not intended them to be utilized.

It's still really not cool to dress up like a Nazi, even in Romania.
You'd think by now people would figure out that this is not very acceptable anywhere. I'm pretty sure if you dressed like a Nazi in New Guinea that you would be accosted for doing so. But apparently, Romanian Mayor Radu Mazare did not follow the recent example of one of Britain's finest and thew on some 3rd-Reich inspired garbardine. Tom Cruise's role in Valkyrie is what allegedly gave him the idea to don the outfit. Vomit.

If you douse yourself in a flammable liquid, then sequentially get tased, you're probably going to burst into flames.
Pretty self-explanatory. Some crazy Australian bastard doused himself with "petrol" then charged a cop, and apparently the cop didn't hear the Aussie cry "Don't tase me, mate!" If you're a liberal and you get upset about this, go light yourself on fire for the rest of us. Seriously.

Guantanamo is still open.
Apparently the economy, health care reform, heightened tension in Afghanistan and (probably) Michael Jackson's death have preoccupied the folks who were in charge of figuring out what to do with the detainees who are actually dangerous. The innocent ones who were just waterboarded until they confessed are probably pretty bummed, though. Cheney isn't.

What an unbelievable asshole

As if people don't have enough to be pissed off at Ed Rendell about lately, he goes and says the dumbest shit on Earth last Friday.

Even though the clock is ticking for Pennsylvania's 77,000 state workers - their next two paychecks are going to be partial, after which paychecks will be withheld - Rendell still thinks that he's the good guy here.

"Most of those state workers -- I've arranged for them to get a $15,000 loan with no interest, so if they're paying off $6,000 worth of credit debt at 14 percent, they should put a statue of me up on their mantel place," Rendell said.

Yeah, good idea Eddie. They should commemorate you for squandering their salaries and then forcing them to take out a loan in which they will be paying a low interest rate on. A loan, not a paycheck, a loan that has to be paid back. That makes a lot of fucking sense.

**UPDATE**
Apparently Ed also forgot that some of the fine folks that work for the state might not qualify for said loans. Brilliant!

Reporting live from the State of Champions

This is on display (well, was on display) in Harrisburg today.

In case there are any Pirates fans under the age of 16 reading this (see #1 on this list), that thing on the left is the Commissioner's Trophy, awarded to the team that wins the World Series. Since the Phillies are the current holders of this, Pennsylvania is the keeper of the three most heralded trophies in American (and one in Canadian) sports.

Not that we're giving any love whatsoever to Philly, though. Your city is more lame than that Rocky statue you guys keep around. He was a fictional character; get over yourselves.

We would also like to note that, although there was a lot of tourist action in the capitol today, there was not a lot of legislative action going on, especially pertaining to that whole budget thing that we still don't have. In fact, it doesn't look like there is going to be an end in sight.

Dear Lame Duck: get your shit together.

The PA Senate budget, in short

Remember when we said goodbye to nature?

Well, we didn't think it was this bad.

The DCNR released a substantially large list (a little less than half of PA's total) of state parks that would be at risk of closing under the proposed budget.

Say goodbye to Bendigo, Elk, Kinzua Bridge, Blue Knob, Clear Creek, Colonel Denning, Fowlers Hollow, Big Spring Delaware Canal, Ralph Stover, Evansburg, Greenwood Furnace, Penn Roosevelt, Whipple Dam, Kettle Creek, Ole Bull, Linn Run, Laurel Summit, Laurel Mountain, Little Pine, Hyner Run, Pine Bottom Memorial, Lake Swatara, M K Goddard, Mt Pisgah, Oil Creek, RB Winter, McCalls Dam, Sand Bridge, Ravensburg, Reeds Gap, Poe Paddy, Poe Valley, Ryerson Station, Sizerville Tobyhanna, Gouldsboro, Big Pocono, Yellow Creek, White Clay, Norristown, Warriors Path, Trough Creek, Prompton, Salt Spring, Archbald Pothole and Sam Lewis state park, if these obscure and borderline insignificant state legislators have their way.

I wonder; if all of these parks close, won't there be other repurcussions?

The department said the Senate budget plan also would require a $1 million reduction in central and regional office staffing, elimination of a tree seedling program that sells 400,000 seedlings a year to landowners, and cut $3 million from the state forest road maintenance program, resulting in the closing of 1,000 miles of forest roads used for hunting, fishing and other recreation.

Shit.

State Senator Mary Jo White is the Chair of the PA Senate Environmental Resources & Energy Committee. Her Harrisburg Office number is (717) 787-9684. Her district office is (814) 432-4345. Her email is mwhite@pasen.gov

Do your worst.

So long, Nature.....*Goulet*

Wow, that budget the PA Senate Republicans have proposed really is going to be great for the Commonwealth. Especially the part about 35 state parks having to be shut down for the summer as well as a reduction in public access to state forests.

Because who the fuck needs forests, anyways? No one uses that shit around here. So what's the big deal?

And while we're at it, who needs art? Pennsylvanians don't need that highbrow, limp-wristed art crap around here interfering with all of our coal mining, so we might as well get rid of some of the places you can find it, like museums. And shit, if all of these programs get closed down, we might as well not fund the education of stuff like the arts and history and literature and what not; everyone knows that shit isn't going to help turn a profit here in PA.

And with all of the forests gone, our Boy Scouts can do other things; like, you know, learn how to chase immigrants back over the fence, or how to interrogate someone with a pellet gun! Because we might as well start these kids up early so they can be ready to serve our country. What could the negative effects be? It's not like the heightened pressure and stress is going to get to them or anything. And if it does, what could possibly happen?

Keep up the good work crunching the numbers over there in H-burg, Fast Eddie.