This week in the Robot Takeover

You thought it was over. You had been routinely checking this blog for more news on the Carnegie Science Center's Robo-World or whatever euphemism they're using over there for ROBO-UPRISING WITH THE INTENTION OF ENSLAVING OUR PESKY CARBON-BASED OVERLORDS, and you were under the presumption that, for the time being, the onslaught was over.

Sadly, this is not the case. In fact, our perennial robo-enemies at iRobot are one step closer to being able to morph into a goo, slip in through cracks and kill you and your parents while you sleep.

As a new kind of chemical robot (or chembot), the blob bot has stretchy silicone skin, which is composed of multiple cellular compartments that each contain a "jammable slurry." When some of these cells are unjammed, and an actuator in the center of the robot is inflated, the robot inflates in the areas of the unjammed cells. By controlling which cells are unjammed, the researchers can change the shape of the robot and make it roll in a specific direction.

The new robot is being funded by DARPA, which gave iRobot $3.3 million to work on the chembot last year. The goal is to build a robot that can squeeze through tiny openings smaller than its own dimensions, which could be valuable in a variety of missions.

Yeah, like the mission T-1000 had where he morphed his limbs into all kinds of weapons, only to become Johnny Cash's father and probably kill him too.

On top of it all, iRobot released a video of how it works, perhaps to jazz us all up about technology so that, when the revolt happens, we blindly submit our sovereignty in exchange for a sweet iPod Touch with one of those fancy workout armbands...God do I love listening to Nickelback and Fergie while I sweat off that Sammy's corned beef...anyways, here it is:

I saw three ships a'sailing in...and now I'm a racist.

This little nugget comes from our friends over at FOX:

Hundreds of Brown students had asked the Providence, R.I. school to stop observing Columbus Day, saying Christopher Columbus's violent treatment of Native Americans he encountered was inconsistent with Brown's values.

O, wealthy Caucasian people: the kings and queens of the "Jason Bay" (meaningless) protests. Just yesterday on Forbes Avenue a group of students who were definitely not Palestinian were protesting the violent attacks Israel was conducting on Palestinian civilians; sadly, what their poster boards and sharpies failed to mention was that Palestinians were still attacking and torturing Israelis as well. Whoops!

But that is neither here nor there. Back to Brown. Brown University was founded by and had received endowments from slave owners. Hell, the school even led the research of the link between slavery and the Ivy League a few years back. The results? The institutions were financed in some measure by wealth accumulated through the Triangular Trade.

Brown, the seventh-oldest U.S. university, was built with contributions from people who owned slaves or traded in Africans, including the original Brown family, who owned the Sally and sponsored the voyage that killed 109 of its 196 captives.

So let me get this straight, students and faculty at Brown. You don't want to celebrate a holiday named after a guy who oppressed indigenous peoples, cheated them in order to turn a profit for his own nation, and aggressively forced them out of their homes and customs and into a lower echelon of society. Right? Just making sure.

Oh yeah, and get this. What do you think Brown did as soon as their "breakthrough" research was finished? They hired the Ivy League institution's first African-American president: Ruth J. Simmons.

Haven't we seen this move made before?

Call Christian Bale. The machines are coming.

This little blue-eyed fella might look innocent to you. In fact, "Andy Roid" over here might even classify as cute to some of you folks who don't enjoy the brassiness or the homoerotic energy pouring from C-3PO. But the truth of the matter is, Andy was sent here to kill you and your parents.

Like the Roomba, Andy is the next step towards the enslavement of the human race. Before long we will all be speaking in binary, administering oil baths and worshipping a giant Hal 9000 replica that we were forced to build.

Still don't believe me? You can visit the Carnegie Science Center on June 13th to witness firsthand the Robot Invasion. The Science Center will be opening "the world's largest and most comprehensive permanent robotics exhibition." (you can read this PG article for additional details)

Get ready for the invasion. Because, you know, if the machines never take over, the gays will. So prepare yourselves.