"If you wanna play pond hockey with the Penguins,

go ahead. Good luck." - Bob Errey


There's really only one way that game could have ended, and that was with serious, gunslinging hockey. Empty Netters, Puck Huffers (we are secretly in love with Kim and Zoë. Don't tell anyone) and the Pensblog have gotcha covered with the recaps.

Watch this clip, then watch the one where Ovie goes to hit Orpik and then goes flying, and then watch a highlight reel of everything Crosby has done in the postseason.

Crosby>Ovechkin
Fleury>Varlamov
Pens>Caps

Rock the Red on the golf course, boys. Great Series.

LL says....

Grab ya ghetto blasters

And get ready for some early 90's style beatdowns son!!!

It's a long postseason. Anything can happen.

But tonight, shit is gonna get serious. Seth Rorabaugh is accurately predicting that it is going to require some scoring from Penguins who are not in line to win any individual trophies this year.

We all know you can't read, Ovie, hence you don't like history. But LL says you better check yourself before you wreck yourself about how we used to beat you guys down in the post-season the way Zangeif used to squeeze bitches. You know Vega liked it.

We here at tRBT are predicting a huge momentum change this game; Saturday set the tone for some very offensive, very finesse-style hockey.

But why do you think they've been showing Independence Day on repeat on cable TV this week? You thought that shit was just a coincidence? 1996 was the year ID4 hit the movie industry like a freight train. 1996 was the year the pens beat the Capitals in the playoffs for the 4,187th time in history.

This movie is even prophetic in terms of what Bruce Boudreau and his regime are trying to accomplish this postseason:

I saw... its thoughts. I saw what they're planning to do. They're like locusts. They're moving from planet to planet... their whole civilization. After they've consumed every natural resource they move on... and we're next. Nuke 'em. Let's nuke the bastards.

That's right President Thomas Whitmore. You tell 'em.

Bring it Capitals. Jeff Goldblum is from Pittsburgh. This shit is destiny.

WTF is up with one of the 'Red Rockers?'

Apparently Ovechkin and Semin (haha...semin) don't skate around like a bunch of little ice princesses enough.

Turns out the team's antics just aren't catty enough for the Verizon Center; they were forced to go with some hired guns. Maybe these ladies play defense better than Ovi.

What's up with that one chick though...David really looks like a dude:

We do have a thing for Elana, though.

And remember: You can't spell OVECHKIN without CHOKE.

photo courtesy of The Original Pens Blog

WTF is going on with Mike Green's Hair?

It's sort of a half mohawk, half bowl cut, half emo thing going on up there. Wait, that's one half too many. Mike Green's hair is Manbearpig.

Maybe he joined AFI, or the band that they ripped off, The Misfits. Whatever it is, it's stupid. And so is his team. He looks like a cross between Channing Tatum and a child molester. Sadly, I don't know which half of that hybrid is more dangerous to society.

This might be a superstitious playoff beard or haircut that was seemingly temporary, but later might have been credited with winning the series. That certainly would explain Jaromir Jagr's Hitler soul patch last year or Syd's straight up peach fuzz.

Either way, bring on the Caps.

Oh yeah, thanks to Seth Rorabaugh and Empty Netters for catching this awful hairdo.