Wednesday, September 2, 2009

God wanted me to post this

Next time you commit an enormous blunder like, I don't know, being an adulterous asshole and then lying about where you are going and then getting caught in a torrid love affair with a steamy Argentinian woman - then getting called out about using public funds for private expenses - simply know that when all else fails and your back is against the ropes, you can always use God as leverage.
As part of a fresh round of interviews designed to help save his job, South Carolina governor Mark Sanford suggested a higher power wants him to remain in office, and called his now legendary Appalachian Trail deception "a little white lie".
"I feel absolutely committed to the cause, to what God wanted me to do with my life," Sanford told the Washington Times. "I have got this blessing of being engaged in a fight for liberty, which is constantly being threatened."
So God wants you to carry on, wayward son. Makes sense. God has allegedly told alot of people to do a lot of ridiculous things during his tenure as Omnipotent Ruler of All, and the one common denominator is that all of these recipients of his message tend to be batshit insane. Why is that, "Money" Mark?
On another note, I wonder: How does God feel about all of this? Don't you think he's up there going, "Jesus! No, not you, son, I'm just saying, these stupid bastards keep citing me as a shameless excuse for all of the moronic and awful things that they do, and it's getting a little ri-Me-damn-diculous. I'm getting blamed for more things than the Jews! Come on, lighten up over there, Moses. Don't look at me like that."

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