First, here's the story thus far. In light of recent protests at previous G20 summits, our young Mayor decided to put some limitations on what people can and cannot bring to their respective rage against the machine. Some of the things not allowed are handcuffs, piping, masks and 2x4's. Consequently, every attention whore in the city, the most guilty being veteran protest ham David Meiern of Squirrel Hill, has decided to voice their opinion about how Luke Ravenstahl is trying to limit their rights of free speech and, in one woman's unfortunately mixed-up opinion, abortions (?!).
"Why am I wearing this polar bear mask, you might ask," Mr. Meiern said. "It may be that I want to commit a crime, or it may be that the ice upon which polar bears are depending is melting as we speak."
Not to dignify an asenine comment like that with a response, but we compiled a list of things we are concerned about as well, and it has nothing to do with polar bears - sorry Mr. Meiern. But when you're getting ready to stand outside of a bank or a Starbuck's (where you probably bought a cup of coffee last week) or a Panera bread or wherever the fuck you think a news camera from the station you DVR'ed is, please keep the following in mind:
- Where were you folks, you know, the rest of the time? Suddenly, now that the finance ministers and bank governors from 19 other countries are coming to town you're pissed off about corporations? Why take your anger out on Giant Eagle and PNC Bank now, when as soon as this is over you're going to go back to whatever it is you people do, which most likely is nothing?
- Don't waste carbon dioxide vomiting up idiotic banter about animals that you truly are making no effort to save. In fact, the economic policies of the countries of which you're so pissed off about probably allocate more money to conservation efforts than you save on your water bills by only showering once a week - so get over yourself.
- You are not Che Guevara. You are a guy or a gal on his or her lunch break with a sign. You are not in Palestine; you are in Pittsburgh. Relax, and if you throw something at the cop, he's going to beat you and arrest you, and it's not "the system's" fault - it's yours for being that immature about it.
- Please don't hurt anything too badly in the city, we really really like it. Like a lot.