Godsmacked: Steve Doocy, classy as ever

There was something inherently funny about the story of Bible verses being secretly embedded on the ACOG scopes used on U.S. Military rifles. Some folks would cite the irony of having Bible quotes on a weapon, other P.C. bastards would lament the absence of congruent verses from the Talmud or the Qur'an. Some people in fact got pretty pissed about it.

Fox News' Steve Doocy had another message regarding the 'Jesus guns'. Like the child in detention who, through fits of anger and tears, appeals that the fight was started by the other kid, Doocy blames the unjust criticism of the news on the real child who started this fight: Muslims.

"My wife made a good observation yesterday when we were taking about this story, and that is, 'Hey, wait a minute, the Taliban and the extremists -- what is it they say just before they blow themselves up which kills somebody, they say, 'Allahu Akbar.'' So if anybody's making this a religious thing, they started it," Doocy said.

Hmm...combat exttremism with extremism! I think your wife is onto something, Steve. They started the whole fundamentalist-religious-nutbag thing; we're just following suit. In fact, let's start doing this with all the things that the Arabs started - like algebra. Maybe if you worked on polynomial circles a little more and spent less time at the Fox studio, you would look less like the massive fucking douchebag that you are.

Five things that really suck right now

This is not a Keith Olbermann rip-off (and even if it was, he's not really legitimate enough to matter), but rather a list of the five things we currently feel are either severely overrated or just god-awful and should be avoided by anyone who values their conscience.

5. Sarah Palin's return to the national spotlight



Only in a country obsessed with Jon and Kate could someone like Sarah Palin excel at attracting legitimate attention. Why we are all still talking about her is beyond me; her post-campaign life has resembled that of a trashy reality television show on CMT. But yet we enable her horrendous remarks about ridiculous conspiracy theories and death panels by giving her more attention. Jesus...

4. Weezer's Raditude

Part of the joy of listening to Weezer over the years has been wondering just how weird frontman Rivers Cuomo is, and if he ever is going to grow up. You learn on Raditide that he is not only pretty weird, but also a massive attention whore who probably was a flash in the pan lyrically, and in fact is not ever going to grow up. Terrible commercialized half-assed effort.

3. The Apocalypse



I don't care about the Mayans, I don't care about the guy who held the boom box up and played that Peter Gabriel song in that 80's movie, I don't care. I feel like I'm back in high school trying to trip the kid who was walking down the hall with an armful of the Left Behind books.

2. Fox News

This one might be mainstay on this list, but with their recent purging of YouTube clips featuring their programs (and targeting the ones published by progressives) as well as Shep Smith's awkward and forced apology regarding his complaint about balance, Fox News is looking pretty damn douchey right now.

1. Where the Wild Things Are (film)



Before this movie came out, I was pondering who or what was more overrated than writer Dave Eggers. I discovered it while watching this movie - the answer is a cooperative effort between Dave Eggers and fellow overrated person Spike Jonze. The moral of Sendak's genius book gets lost in this mopey, emo bitchfest that tries way too hard to say "fuck you" to whatever you hoped the movie would be and instead strives to be the least interesting story ever told by anyone ever. The visuals are great, but so are the visuals from a mushroom trip, and at least the latter doesn't tackle you to the ground and take a dump on your dreams.

Britain joins the White House's war on Fox News

In a shocking parallel to military activity in the Middle East, Britain's Prime Minister Gordon Brown has blindly followed American leadership into yet another war; although this time with not as much imminent danger, so long as Sean Hannity's Hybrid Humvee isn't equipped with a roadside bomb.

Yes, Brown has become yet another leader of a government to criticize a Rupert Murdoch media outlet, this time going after The Sun, a British tabloid-quality news source that is more famous for exposing stories about furious ex-Beatles and their relationships than any actual journalism. But apparently, by supporting some bloke over there from the Conservative party, they did enough to piss PMGB off:

"I think the Sun tried to become a political party that day and that was a terrible mistake. And I suspect over time that their readers will think that, too."

Brown also said that media coverage has become increasingly personal: "I think that's a mistake, too. "Take my recent trip to America. I had meetings every day with Obama, about Iraq, Iran, the economy, global warming, Afghanistan, nuclear power...the journalists there knew what was happening and chose to report it differently. To call it a snub was wrong."

Unfortunately, most people in England are smarter and less batshit-paranoid-insane about their government, and thus sadly there has been little to no public reaction to Brown's comments. No tea parties, no town hall meetings, no awkwardly misspelled protest signs, no nothing.

This is a little uncomfortable

You have to respect this man for reminding us all and, uncomfortably sometimes, his guests that he too has a conscience:



Apology accepted, Shep. What a man.

I almost made it through an entire post without swearing

Remember that douche with a bow tie from CNN's Crossfire? The guy that Jon Stewart decimated on the air, which resulted in the cancellation of the program and the mass exodus of its hosts to other 24-hour news networks?

His name is Tucker Carlson, and his straw man arguments against the left are - surprise! - inching toward the Ann Coulters of the world in recent days, primarily due to the fact that lately some White House staffers - who ironically, are liberal Democrats, I know, shocker - have been a bit critical of Fox News.

Tucker's take on the matter is a bit different. He thinks that, since Fox has a view slightly different than the White House's perspective, the Obama Administration is attempting to criticize and discredit them.

This is all, in minds similar to Tucker's, a blatant attempt to make an example out of Fox in order to shush any future dissent to Obama's agenda. It has nothing to do with Fox's credibility as a news organization, since the only people who claim it has any are beyond our - and certainly the White House's - help.

In his conclusion, Tucker issues a warning to those journalists who seem to be turning the other cheek to this unwarranted hostility from the White House:

Which is something the White House press corps ought to keep in mind as it stands by in silence while Fox is bullied: Your politics won’t save you. You’ll be next.

Unfortunately for Tucker, those who are standing in silence know that bullshit fear mongering and empty anti-progressive rhetoric might fly with Greta Von Susteren, but it is undoubtedly of no value to rational human beings looking for real news.

Say no shit:

Seems like FOX News wants us to go to war, eh?

By a two-to-one margin the public thinks the U.S. will eventually need to use military force to stop Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons -- 59 percent think so, while 29 percent think Iran can be stopped without the use of force.

Furthermore, 61 percent of Americans support the U.S. taking military action to stop Iran, including majorities of Democrats (53 percent), Republicans (73 percent) and independents (55 percent). Some 28 percent of Americans oppose military action against Iran.

Amazing how those FOX polls just always make it glaringly evident how little we are doing around the world militarily.

Speaking of global deployment, I wonder what the pollsters would report if the question was how many Americans knew we still had hundreds of thousands of troops still deployed in places like Germany and Japan? Or tens of thousand in places like Spain, Italy or Turkey?

Also, if you're ever wondering how to differentiate between a FOX News poll and any other one, simply look for the subtle hints suggesting that government stop spending so much money on programs (cough cough, welfare) and stop intervening in all of our lives (except wiretapping). For example:

Most people -- 77 percent -- say they are worried about Iran obtaining nukes. That's the same number as say they are worried about the increasing size of the federal deficit (77 percent) and about the same that worry the federal government is spending too much money (79 percent).

How incredibly profound!

In terms of the war banter, you listen here media: we're sick of this bullshit. Stop lying to us and then sending us into countries that half of our nation can't even point out on a fucking map. Before you shit your pants about how volatile Iran's nuclear plans are, make sure they have nuclear plans. Because we all remember what happened last time you fearmongerers decided to stop reporting real news.

Blog Outsourcing 1.4

Usain Bolt can run pretty fast.
Seriously. There were rumors that Steelers had brought him to camp last year and were considering him a wide receiver candidate. As Seth Rorabaugh from Empty Netters would note, fire Dan Rooney.

Tiger Woods is a human being.
Seriously, the guy looked like Happy Gilmore out there, getting some nice drives and then falling apart on the Green. Y.E. Yang (please please please make his first name be Yin...it's not...damn), a Korean golfer who had some success in his country's golf circuit, took the lead after a beautiful chip-in for an eagle. Did I just write about golf? Jesus.

In the healthcare debate, Obama might be wussing out on a public option.
Your move, teabaggers.

FOX news is not the biggest fan of our President.
Or being taken seriously. Our friends at the Huffington Post point out that the "news" organization has duly hit its stride since the election of a Democratic president and a majority in the House and Senate. I have noticed that Sean Hannity's hair has been a little more American ever since November 4th.

Penn State invented a Death Detector.
Zombies be damned! Even you:
Japan takes the Bronze medal for nations exiting their recessions.

Any chance we can get honorable mention?

Sexy biased times: Morning edition

White House launches health tattle-tale site

It's really hard to lay off of picking on one media outlet when they are this obtuse about their news. When you go to FOX News home, you see the above headline. When you click it, the headline magically changes to White House Launches Web Site to Battle Health Care 'Rumors'.

First off, notice how the word "rumors" is in quotations; like FOX doesn't know that all of the melodramatic absurdities being vomited out of idiotic ultraconservative nutjobs who are being bussed-in to town hall meetings are rumors. To FOX, I guess, the notion that Barack Obama isn't Hitler is just a rumor, not an actual fact.

Furthermore, how asinine do you have to be to call a website that was set up by the federal government to dispel rumors a tattle-tale site? Suddenly the White House is ratting people out when they try and defend themselves from outlandish rumors which, by the way, are being perpetuated by ultraconservative groups and FOX News themselves. It's kind of like the circle of life, really.

Media Spotlight: America's future according to FOX

We interrupt this awful day in Pittsburgh to bring you exciting news on some of the more useful features our 24-hour mainstream media has to offer you. Today's spotlight is on the always-popular FOX News and their groundbreaking new series of special reports, America's Future! (photo: FNC)

FOX, being smarter and less biased than you, has decided to try the Nostradamus thing out and predict what the future may look like in a nation utterly decimated by universal healthcare, stem cell research and a sound multilateral foreign policy. After a gathering of the minds, they have compiled a list of impending issues that are so monumentally vital that they are going to shake the very foundations of our great sovereign nation. FOX on the future:

Islam in America!
Clearly the number one issue in the States is the fact that not everyone is a Christian; in fact, Muslims are showing up everywhere these days, and FOX has noticed. Excerpts from their report:

• Rise of Islam in some European cities
• Strict set of Muslim precepts is finding its way into American everyday life
• Are inhabitants of a tiny Islamic outpost in N.Y. jihadists in training or are they peacefully practicing their religion?"

Textbooks!
You can't have a future without children; but what are we going to teach them? Should we really be clouding their young innocent minds with science, history, literature and the truth? And more importantly:

• Are school textbooks portraying accurate picture of Islam?
• Critics calling for changes in way schools handle sex education.

Very good; I see your impending plague of tolerance when teaching kids about other religions, and I raise you a condom. Solid.

Water?
WTF FOX?! I was with you through those first two critical issues, but water? How water made the list is beyond me. I'll let them explain:

• Tensions rise between advocates of alternative energy and conservationists
• Questioning hydroelectric power in America
• Some experts say it will take a huge amount of money to fix U.S. water infrastructure
• New campaign promotes tap water over bottled water

Well folks, we hope you enjoyed our little gaze into the crystal ball together this afternoon. One has to thank FOX for finally shining the light on this relatively murky and dismal future, filled with religious pluralism, education through actual facts and practices and...water? I still don't get the water thing. Either way, God be with us all. United we can make it through this post-apocalyptic nightmare.

Agreed, Shep. Get the hell outta there.

Turns out Fox News viewers are a little miffed about Shep's comments about their hateful emails a few weeks ago.

So what did they do to challenge his comments? By sending out hateful e-mail, of course.

“When a crazy man has walked into a Holocaust museum and shot the security guard, maybe that’s an appropriate time to warn people: you’ve got a crazy person in your life, keep an eye on him,” he said in an interview in his Manhattan office last week.

Mr. Smith said he fully anticipated one result of those comments: the nasty e-mail increased.

“Thousands of them,” Mr. Smith said. “And I know they don’t mean the things they say. I know they don’t hate me and want death on my family.”

What they mostly say, he explained, is: “You don’t belong there.” Mr. Smith paused a moment before adding: “I do belong here.”

No you don't, Shep. You're the only one taking that whole "Fair and Balanced" thing seriously, and the only one showing any ability for rational thinking.

But, then again, if Shep gets chased out of Fox News and wants to go to a more credible news agency, where the hell would he go?

Are NPR or The Daily Show taking applications?