Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Same old Buccos...

You can't teach an old dog new tricks. You can switch ownership titles, move a sub-par GM out (we're still pissed at you Dave Littlefield) and shuffle some head coaches around; if the finished product was broken before, it will still be broken.

Such is the case for the Pittsburgh Pirates, a franchise doomed to set an example, along with the Detriot Lions and L.A. Clippers, on what never to do with a sports franchise. For just over 16 years now, the Pirates have been scraping the shame-encrusted and stomach-acidy bottom of baseball's obscure free agency and "prospect" pool and coming up for air with talent so miserable that it would make Joltin' Joe jolt far, far away.

Bringing washed-up has-beens and overrated prospects who never performed to Pittsburgh like Jeromy Burnitz, Joe Randa, Sean Casey, Ty Wiggington, Bobby Hill, Benito Santiago, Kenny Lofton, Matt Morris, Adam LaRoche...well, you get our point. You guys really suck at this whole baseball team thing.

Anyways, in their latest blunder, they traded the only person on the team who was worth a damn. Outfielder Nate McClouth has been traded away; traded to the Atlanta Braves.

And here's the kicker; what do you think we got for him? Prospects. Two pitchers and one outfielder. And we're bringing up Andrew McCutchen, our top prospect.

Hooray for prospects!
GM Frank Coonely: "This may be the toughest decision we have made in my time with the organization. Nate is a quality player and person but, as we have said several times, tough decisions will need to be made as we build and sustain a championship-caliber organization."
A championship-caliber team, my taint. More like a 16-year old batch of Herpes, freshly blossoming after a night banging someone who looked like Alf. 16 years and counting, but after all this Jim Beam the Pirates have driven me to drink in an angry, irate, profanity-laced tirade, embarrassment never felt so good.

1 comment:

  1. Don't worry I'm sure one of our pitching prospects will be the next Tom Gorzelanny, and at least we have McCutchen for a year... til we trade him... for prospects... from Tibet.