Holy shit people read this!?!?!

Today marks the 500th visit of our fair blog by citizens around the world. How we got here, god only knows but we're damn proud that people would take time out of their day to actually check in on our moronic rantings about sports, politics and our inability to make contact with the opposite sex.

Our pathetic lives aside, we have hit a landmark in the history our of young blog. Beyond 500 visits, we've had 1,158 page views and 133 posts. When this blog began on April 21st at 7:13pm, none of us thought it would become anything like it has, but rest assured that we will continue this as long as we are bored at work/school/home. None of us knew that we would become marginally popular, or that a I'm Feeling Lucky search on Google of "rustbelt" would bring you straight to our page (don't believe us... try it).

All the fancy numbers aside, we want to take a moment to thank our audience, because without you, well we'd be talking to ourselves. The following cities/states/countries have at one point or another stopped in to say hello to our fair blog:

The entire Western PA area... thank you to all our friends who put up with these lame ideas.
Tel Aviv, Israel
Mont-Laurier, Quebec
Hanover, Niedersachsen (Germany)
Ottawa, Ontario
Sao Paulo, Brazil
London, England
Lake Mary, Flordia
Central City, Kentucky
Dallas, Texas
Jessup, Maryland
Piscataway, New Jersey
Boyds, Maryland
Minneapolis, Minnesota
And so many others that we didn't bother to write down before Sitemeter got rid of them.

Thank you all,

- The Rustbelt Tramp -

Buccos lookin ahead...and across the border..

I could not find an official release on the Pirates Website. But this was on their official Facebook page in my news feed. Half the things that are on the Facebook never show up on the official site (surprise surprise with the pirates...)

Anyways here is what it said. feast your early afternoon lunch break eyes on this...

The Pirates have announced the signings of six international free agents. Here's the list, with a brief comment from Director of Latin American Scouting Rene Gayo about each player.

• OF Pedro Lara, 16, Dominican Republic: "Pedro has a medium frame with an athletic build -- similar to a young Moises Alou. He is also agressive and competitve on the field and profiles to be an above-average hitter with power potential. He has speed on the bases and exhibits the instincts, athleticism and arm to be a special player in the outfield."


• 3B Roberson Valdez, 16, Dominican Republic: "Roberson has solid body control and is an instinctive hitter who has a natural stroke with projectable power."


• 2B Alen Hanson, 16, Dominican Republic: "Hanson is an athletic middle infielder with a very projectable body and an upbeat attitude. He projects to have a number of above-average Major League tools. Alen is a line drive hitter who sprays the ball around the field with some extra base power."


• LHP Orlando Castro, 17, Honduras: "Orlando profiles to be a future starter. He is a three-pitch pitcher (fastball, curveball, changeup) who projects to have solid command of his fastball and above-average off-speed offerings. He has a medium build with room to mature."


• SS Carlos Esqueda, 17, Mexico: "He is an impressive athlete with outstanding makeup. A dedicated, no fear player who loves the game and competes with a championship attitude. Carlos projects to be a solid Major League shortstop. He is quick, smooth, and has good instincts on the field. He is aggressive on the basepath and with physical maturity, should develop average speed."


• RHP Richard Montilla, 17, Panama: "Montilla is a solid athlete with room for physical maturity. He is a battler -- very competitive and confident on the mound. Richard profiles to be a future starter with the potential for an above-average fastball and curveball."

Who knows. maybe one of these fine teens will develop into a decent player, ya know once they're done with puberty. And hopefully if they do become something good, we won't trade them away like we do other awesome players. So to all other disgruntled Pirates fans... keep your head up, we may be the worst organization in the MLB (maybe all sports) at the moment, but we can't be the worst forever. Besides it could be worse... we could be from Ohio... ::shudder::

Late Night Video Club

Walk On The Ocean @ Yahoo! Video

Toad the Wet Sprocket - Walk on the Ocean

Some early 90's alternative lovin' for your viewing pleasure.

Pre-Season baby!

Do you have that itch? That little twinge in the back of your head wondering... WHERE THE FUCK IS HOCKEY!?!? Well we do, and just to tease us all a bit more the Penguins have gone ahead and released their 2009 pre-season schedule:

Friday, Sept. 18, TORONTO AT PITTSBURGH, 7:30 p.m.

Monday, Sept. 21, Pittsburgh at Montreal, 7:30 p.m.

Tuesday, Sept. 22, Pittsburgh at Toronto, 7:00 p.m.

Thursday, Sept. 24, Pittsburgh at Columbus, 7:00 p.m.

Friday, Sept. 25, COLUMBUS AT PITTSBURGH, 7:30 p.m.

Sunday, Sept. 27, Pittsburgh at Detroit, 5:00 p.m.

That leaves us... 71 days 5 hours and 24 minutes (and counting) until we can all watch Geno Malkin and Sidney Crosby blow through defenses like Michael Jackson through a 12 year old boy's underwear.

Does this mean no more Sanchez Salsa?

Say goodbye to the most delicious and stereotypical condiments available on Giant Eagle shelves.

In congruence with the latest actions of the Pittsburgh Pirates in trading away anyone who shows signs of consistency or team leadership, the Bucs have announced that Freddy "Dirty" Sanchez is on the trading block.

Oh yeah, Freddy is once again the Pirates' leading hitter with a .313 average and last week was selected for his third All-Star Game in four years. So it was only right to send him away.

Hopefully we get a prospect for him, and one who isn't preoccupied with other business ventures.

So long Stan

We're a couple days behind on this due to the sheer laziness chaotic schedule of this author. According to Bob Smizik's blog, beloved Pittsburgh sports talk host Stan Savran will no longer be on the air. Apparently Fox Sports Network Pittsburgh, in their infinite fucking wisdom decided that the fine yinzer's of this area would no longer like to hear the dulcet tones and words of sheer brilliance coming from one Mr. Savran's golden mouth... OK we may be going a bit too far, but if you watch his show, this news should piss you off pretty badly.

For those of you who feel their life will not be complete without a little Savran on Sportsbeat in their life, well we can't replace it. You can however find Stan on ESPN 1250 from 10am til noon alongside his former Sportsbeat partner Guy Junker.

So long Savran on Sportsbeat, and Stanley... you will be missed.

March 11, 1991 - July 7, 2009

Keeping the (green)peace by causing some unrest

ACTIVISTS ARRESTED FOR BANNER.

(headline should read "activists arrested for trying to make a difference and caring about our world" but that would be too long.)

Greenpeace proves once again to be one of the most badass environmentalist groups out there! (except this guy... he was so badass he got booted out of Greenpeace, but don't worry he is making a huge effort to defend the earth from assbag japanese whalers!) These activists climbed the mountain (don't worry they did so by using the existing anchors placed by the NPS for cleaning, so there should be no damage [interesting that it is a concern when the site is essentially a completely destroyed mountain side to begin with]) and unfurled a banner beside good old Abe's giant visage urging Obama to get his shit together on Global Climate Change. The banner read "America Honors leaders, not politicians. Stop global warming!" and had a picture of President Obama.

I give them a well deserved salute. Way to get out there and not leave the problem to just stew. True they broke a law by trespassing and hanging a banner... but ya know.. once the environment is gone, there will be no need to go to Mount Rushmore, cuz we'll all be dead. Besides, I've been there and pictures are good enough, not worth the trip so much. However, South Dakota in general is pretty excellent. (hello Black Footed Ferret!)

So way to go Greenpeace, please keep up the good work. I also encourage a little civil disobedience from our dedicated (5) followers. Get out there and shake up the system for a cause!

And if you don't believe this stuff is happening... well then you're a republican... enough said.

The Money Shot

British scientists claim to create human sperm

Hear that? That's the sound of Satan and George Tiller high-fiving.

The technique could in 10 years allow researchers to use the basic knowledge of how sperm develop to design treatments to enable infertile men the chance to have biological children, said lead researcher Karim Nayernia, of Newcastle University, whose team earlier produced baby mice from sperm derived in a similar way.

Or it could be used to create Ender-like super genius soldiers. Think stormtroopers with brains, and the only thing they want to do is kill you and your parents. That's what I think really is going to go down.

But, in the meantime, I guess using this stuff to make babies as well as cells for the brain, pancreas, heart and blood vessels would suffice for now. For some of us rational folks, anyways.

Your federal tax dollars at work.

Okay, I get it, Michael fucking Jackson died and you're all bent out of shape about it because, like the rest of us, you have been concernedly freaked out by his behavior, his accused affinity for touching children and his overall plasticky whiteness, and now you're feeling guilty.

But he is dead; it has been confirmed by almost every network that, prior to Jackson's death, was covering real things.

So you'd think the orgasmic 24-carat-solid-gold-casket-themed climax during the media circle jerk yesterday would be enough to quell even the most ferocious feeding frenzy types. Between 24-hour CNN, FOX and MSNBC's coverage of the whole goddamn memorial including the stupid Palinesque rantings of Brooke Shields, it was a breath of fresh air to read actual news on our internet today.

But no. Yesterday, apparently, was not enough for Texas Representative Shelia Jackson Lee. Some of our elected betters are legitimately debating a resolution honoring Jackson on the House Floor today in Washington.

Her legislation, House Resolution 600, lists several charitable acts by Michael Jackson over his long career and proclaims him as an American legend, musical icon and world humanitarian. He is, Jackson Lee said, "someone who will be honored forever and forever and forever and forever and forever."

Goddamn this country.

Best protest ever 1.0

No, this is not a Liberty College skit explaining the "salt of the earth" parable. This is a group of protesters in muppet politician heads and Top Chef attire, standing around an earth stew of some kind and seasoning it with some sweet sweet carbon dioxide. Apparently, they're pissed that the leaders of the top eight economies in the world are wasting all this CO2 talking about stuff. Who knows.

The summit is going on now - with more pissed-off European chaos to ensue, no doubt.

You gotta give them creativity points, though.

Reporting live from the State of Champions

This is on display (well, was on display) in Harrisburg today.

In case there are any Pirates fans under the age of 16 reading this (see #1 on this list), that thing on the left is the Commissioner's Trophy, awarded to the team that wins the World Series. Since the Phillies are the current holders of this, Pennsylvania is the keeper of the three most heralded trophies in American (and one in Canadian) sports.

Not that we're giving any love whatsoever to Philly, though. Your city is more lame than that Rocky statue you guys keep around. He was a fictional character; get over yourselves.

We would also like to note that, although there was a lot of tourist action in the capitol today, there was not a lot of legislative action going on, especially pertaining to that whole budget thing that we still don't have. In fact, it doesn't look like there is going to be an end in sight.

Dear Lame Duck: get your shit together.

Uh oh 700 club...it's not only a book and a movie... but it's really good exercise! Oh, that Satan is tricky!

Have no fear my beautiful blog obsessed friends, for I have returned!

Now, what could be so mind-blowingly righteous, so bodaciously bitchin that I have crept out from the deepest recess of the blog shadows? I shall tell you...

Now.

In my travels through the shadowlands I have discovered that the crown jewel of awesomness in the wizarding community is now attainable to muggle folk...that is right, WE CAN PLAY QUIDDITCH!!! I'm talking full-out balls-to-the-wall quidditch ass-kickery! Apparently I am slipping in my old age since I was unaware of this. It's been happening now, and expanding massively over the course of the last four years! A group of dorm friends began playing quidditch together at Middlebury college (of course it's vermont people who have the best fucking ideas...like these cow squeezing badasses..and these neo-hippy gods!). It keeps growing each year...if it was a disease and had a catchy name in a week it would become a pandemic! (when's the last time that happened??...) and i don't know about you lot, but I want a piece of the action!

Seriously...I am so happy I live in a world where fictional sports can become reality, and there are being just as dorky as myself to get overly excited about it.

If you read this have no idea what quidditch is...then you are the purest definition of suck. And if you are reading this and just don't care, well I would gladly trade anyone of the deaths of our dearly missed celebrities for yours. However, I will rest a little easier knowing that you wasted all your time reading this when you didn't care about it to begin with.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: best movie of the summer (you know its gonna be)

Intercollegiate Quidditch Association: Best college sports organization ever (NCAA my ass!)

by the way...you can order your movie tickets in advance from these fucking guys!

**UPDATE**

This shit is real.

Stereotype (noun, verb): a simplified and standardized conception or image invested with special meaning and held in common by members of a group.

George W. Bush is a gun nut. I get that. I also understand that we was, well, a bit into that whole Iraq thing; into it enough to fabricate a correlation between the 9/11 attacks and the nation of Iraq, a correlation that did not and should not have existed. Furthermore, I know that he will certainly not go down in history as one of the most intellectual presidents, all partisan beliefs aside.

But I really didn't think that he was this fucking obtuse.

In case you're too lazy to click the above link, here's the deal. The centerpiece of the Bush Library is going to be the gun (unloaded at the time) that Saddam Hussein had in his possession (and submitted it to US forces upon his capture) when the Delta Force yanked him out of his rabbit hole outside of Tikrit.

So let me get this straight - you want the central artifact in your library (which will be on a Methodist college campus in Texas, in case you feel like not being surprised at all) to be the gun that was taken from a dictator of a country that had nothing to do with 9/11 and is associated with one of the largest and most embarrassing foreign policy blunders in the entire American history? Can somebody please explain this to me?

Mark Langdale, the president of the foundation that is being set up in Bush's name,

Okay, this is going to be good. A president of a foundation. Has to be an intelligent answer. Right?

"the gun is an interesting artifact, and it tells you that the United States captured Saddam Hussein and disarmed him, literally. How we fit that into the decision to go to war, we haven't gotten to that point yet."

This is too delicious. Well, here's to you, Georgie: may we all remember you as the gun-obsessed Texan making unnecessary connections between two unrelated things. Good luck with the rest of the design of the library, which, I have been told from a Washington insider, will be in the shape of Jesus' beard. Should be very art deco.

Max Talbot: Über badass

Max Talbot and his fierce beard shown above holding Lord Stanley

Apparently Max "Superstar" Talbot not only scored two goals in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals, but did so with an injured shoulder. Max is scheduled to undergo surgery to repair his shoulder here soon and is expected to miss the first month of the coming season. Many thanks to PensBurgh for breaking the story and finding someone competent enough to translate from French into English.

Only 89 days til the first regular season hockey game... but we're not counting or anything.

Happy, Birthday, USA

Okay, you have to follow these steps exactly if you would like to get the experience of America in full-frontal. You ready? Okay, good.

Ignore the video here; we're mostly concerned with the music. Actually, pay attention to the video. The Hulkster is pretty damn American. Hit play below to start the "America to the Face" presentation.



So far, so good. Now, as you're rocking out, take a few moments to view these very American images. We recommend spending 15 seconds on each to get the full effect.

Amber waves of Grain




Delicious




Pry it from my cold dead fingers




God damn eagles are badass




A true patriot.

Still not enough? Red, White and Blue still not pumping through your veins yet, even after that Billy Guerin Olympic photo? Wow, you must be a liberal if you're not loving America yet. Either go to France and sodomize someone while maintaining a secular, progressive lifestyle or hit play below and gaze into our flag.

Our "America to the Face" presentation is complete. We're off to get wasted and light fireworks, and we suggest you do the same. It's what our forefathers fought those damn redcoats so hard to do.

Awesome Post-Gazette blunder

What's wrong with this headline?

Penguins sign Sewickley native Bill Guenin

Now, if you're thinking "so effing what Mar, they misspelled Bill Guerin's last name, get off the PG's nads already," you're barking up the wrong tree. If you're texting your friends right now freaking out that you were the first to learn the trivia that Billy G is actually from Sewickley, stop: you're about to make yourself look like a massive tool. Not that you aren't already seen as one, if you're reading this.

There actually is no Bill Guenin from Sewickly, his name is Nate Guenin, and he has the unfortunate case of having a very similar name to a beloved Penguin winger. He's 26 and is a defenseman, though it is unknown whether or not he was signed to replace Rob Scuderi. Judging by the fact that we just read his name for the first time right now, probably not.

Regardless of Guenin's talent, we see the, ahem, lazier sports writers and journalists screwing up Nate's and Bill Guerin's names all season long, so stay posted for more of these.

**UPDATE** The PG fixed their typos. We knew it - they're keeping tabs on us. Good job fixing your article, Dave Molinari - those of us who were up before noon (rule out Ryan, Matt and Andrew from this blog) know that you half-assed that article.

This week in unnecessary religious chaos.

Thrown pig leads to religious riots in India. Nothing says "holy shit" (every pun intended) like cops firing tear gas and beating people with bamboo sticks over a tossed pig. But, as it turns out, when a bunch of Hindu misanthropes chucked Babe's cousin onto a construction site for a future mosque, their shenanigans were not taken so lightly.

Although we feel like this is a little outrageous, we understand the rage. It would be like if this guy sat outside a Greek Orthodox church during lent grilling up some serious lamb:

Yep. The streets of Athens would run red.

Scuds to LA

So long Bobby Scuds... According to the Post Gazette, Pittsburgh Penguins defensemen Rob "The Piece" Scuderi has agreed to a contract with the Los Angeles Kings. Terms are unknown, but are believed to be four years at 3.4 million per year.

Anyone who has watched Penguins hockey for the past few years has always seen Bobby Scuds play his game, and play it damn well. While not the greatest offensive talent to lace up the skates in Mellon (He had 3 regular season goals in 300 games), he was solid in his own end and simply got better year after year.

This year's Stanley Cup Finals brought Lord Stanley's Chalice to Pittsburgh. It also brought about Scuderi's huge pay day with this one shift.



While Rob has said many times he would give Shero & co. the final shot at re-signing him, there is no way the Pens can afford that contract. They only have just under 6 million left for this coming year and they still need to sign another winger and prepare to extend Sergei Gonchar and Kris Letang next year. All of that with a falling cap.

It will be interesting to see what Mr. Shero does to fill the hole left by the now "missing piece" but we here at The Rustbelt Tramp stand behind him. So long Rob Scuderi, thanks for everything.

Go Pens.

Free agency can be a real pain in the ass...

but you gotta trust Shero. Why? Because this man does:

You know you wanna go dahn Colussy's in Bridgeville and pick one up.

And you got scared when the Dems took the House and Senate...

Behold, your new rulers of all:

Colonizing your house and your mom very, very soon.

Turns out while we were all too busy going about our business, fighting wars, using fossil fuels, writing great books and making sweet sweet whoopee...you know - being humans and everything, one mega-colony of ants decided that the time was right to do what Alexander the Great, Rome, Protestants and Dick Cheney could not accomplish: colonize the entire friggin' world.

Argentine ants (Linepithema humile) were once native to South America. But people have unintentionally introduced the ants to all continents except Antarctica

In Europe, one vast colony of Argentine ants is thought to stretch for 6,000km (3,700 miles) along the Mediterranean coast, while another in the US, known as the 'Californian large', extends over 900km (560 miles) along the coast of California. A third huge colony exists on the west coast of Japan.

So why shouldn't we be equipping ourselves with anteaters and really big shoes right now? Oh, that's right, because unlike humans, these little guys just want to be friends:

But whenever ants from the main European and Californian super-colonies and those from the largest colony in Japan came into contact, they acted as if they were old friends.

These ants rubbed antennae with one another and never became aggressive or tried to avoid one another.

In short, they acted as if they all belonged to the same colony, despite living on different continents separated by vast oceans.

Damn you, ants. Why are you so much cooler than we are?