Friday, August 21, 2009

This just in: after 7 months, Barack Obama is the worst President ever

According to the people we place our faith in to give us actual news, Barack Obama is doing an awful job, his approval ratings are slipping, his staff is flip-flopping, he is drawing criticism from the left, he is not to be trusted and he hasn't gotten us out of this desolate and cataclysmic economic depression and wartime agony.

Hey media - you can't get out of the cellar in less time than it took to get in. Take a look at the Pittsburgh Pirates as your paradigm of hope. Okay, don't do that, because they've been sucking for way longer than President Obama is even constitutionally allowed. But nonetheless, you bought the WMD lie six years ago, you sold out to faux-patriotism and you turned a blind eye to 90% of the idiotic things the previous administration had done to drive this country into the shame-encrusted outhouse it is in right now. You aren't helping to alleviate the false sense of fear most Americans have by getting jumpy.

So basically, I'm asking you to calm the fuck down. For all of us. Please?

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