- Find a good, reliable neutral background. Mountains, an ocean, a flag or wheat waving in the breeze are pretty standard.
- If, above your head, there is a banner with a slogan of some sort (like this one), try not to repeat it. This was done by Mao all the time, and everyone in China started realizing that he was a total asshole. We recommend photoshopping a different slogan on the banner, and maybe changing the color.
- Are there people in the picture you are editing and then recycling? If so, are they all, like, standing there in a line? If so, this is tough to edit. Simply removing a few people at the end of each row will not work; we tried doing that to Jaromir Jagr in the 91-92 team photos the year he left. It just makes the picture look like you cut someone out of it, even if that person had an epic mullet. You should probably move on.
- Blurring never works the way you want it to. See the Sasquatch photos.
- More sharks. Add more sharks.
- Sports-action photos, though tough to recycle in your failing years, are always a good call.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
A lesson in North Korean photoshopping
Hockey Blog Outsourcing 1.1
Bill Guerin will be wearing the garb of the flightless bird next year.
This is good news for the Penguinos who could use the veteran forward for another year... And I'll be damned if Billy doesn't look 10 years younger skating along side Sid.
Craig Adams will also be wearing the garb of the flightless bird... but for two years.
Another good move by the wise and wonderful Ray Shero. Adams isn't a goal scorer, but his grit is easily a good enough reason to keep him around for a year or two... And damn cheap I might add.
The boys over at Faceoff Factor caught up with Penguins Prospect Eric Tangradi.
Tangradi came over as part of the
The Penguins have made offers to John Curry, Ben Lovejoy and Tim Wallace.
Seth Rorabaugh is better than you or your mother. Great move for the Pens and definitely the end of Phillipe Boucher and Mathieu Garon. Look for both of them on the ice next year. Heads up to the Glorious Empty Netters for the late night find.
Dear record industry,

kisses,
- The Pirate Bay -
Those silly Swedes seem to really want to piss off every executive involved with the music and movie industry. According to the BBC, the creators of every tools favorite torrent site, TPB have created a video streaming site. Now you can watch that copyright infringed porn as you see fit.
While The Video Bay is not yet up and running, you can sneak a peek at what the site will look like when it goes live. The creators have also said that this is an experimental website and as such it will have its fair share of hiccups and all out shitting-the-bed sessions.
The best part about all this? The gents that began this site were found guilty of copyright infringement and face a year in jail and fines reaching $4.5 million. Somehow I think the ad revenue generated from their two sites will take care of that pretty quickly.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
In memoriam
It's been a rough week. Work has actually forced some of us to actually do our shit and not blog, hockey season is over and we're in the hopeless beginning of July when it seems there is no end to the embarrassment that is the Pirates' season in sight.
Farrah Fawcett was blah, I mean at one point she was a major babe and was talented, we guess. None of us are real hardcore Charlies' Angels fans, at least not publicly.
MJ was pretty tough, even though during his twilight years he touched young boys. Find a more solid album than Thriller. If you said My Chemical Romance, jump off of the nearest bridge.
Ed McMahon was kind of a blah, but not for our older readers (if there are any).
But not this. Why now, God? Why take Billy from the Rocks away at the zenith of his career?
This is unreal. We have no words. Aside from being wildly entertaining to watch, Billy Mays was from the 'Burgh. Billy Mays showed up on DVE a lot and was hilarious. This sucks enormously.
All we have left are memories made of the "SAME AIR THAT YOU BREATHE!!!" and citrus-smelling tears. And videos like this one:
This shit sucks.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Yes... We're still here...
Big losses this week... Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael "Beat It... and by it I mean the cock of a 12 year old boy" Jackson. We're sad to see Mr. McMahon go, and I'm sure Farrah is pretty pissed that raging pederast stole the headlines away from her. Sorry Farrah.
Finally, to make up for our lack of posting, and because we felt the need to take a short trip down memory lane, we give you the Man v. Wild drinking game. Yes that's right kids... next time you see Bear Grylls hopping into quicksand or munching down on a scorpion you can use these rules to get tanked.
This game has been thoroughly tested (and created) by the authors of this blog... enjoy.
- A television with any episode of Man v. Wild playing (bonus points for DVD copies of episodes)
- Beer, wine or hard liquor of choice for EACH player.
Rules:
- Simply take the required number of swings whenever the event happens within the show.
Mentions protein of vitamin gains from any food source: 2 drinks
Mentions his morale: 2 drinks
Builds a shelter/fire: 2 drinks
Builds a flotation device: 2 drinks
Innovative way of keeping himself warm (ie. skinning a dead elk and using the hide as a blanket): 3 drinks
Marvels at nature's beauty: 2 drinks
His plan fails: 5 drinks
Constructs a weapon or trap: 3 drinks
Kills an animal: 3 drinks (note: extra drinks awarded based on the man-fleshing eating capibilities of the animal).
Kills a bug: 2 drinks
Crazy insertion method (not in a sexual manner... perv.): 3 drinks
Mentions the body count of a certain area: 2 drinks
Jumps into a freezing cold body of water: 3 drinks
Makes himself a cup o' tea: 4 drinks
Midnight chat with the camera: 2 drinks
Ascends or descends a large cliff, hill, mountain or tree: 2 drinks
Use of an innovative hygene method: 3 drinks
Mentions his "manhood": 4 drinks
Talks to the crew: 3 drinks
Uses his urine for any method: 3 drinks
Vomiting occurs: 4 drinks
Bear finds civilization or the crew has to bail him out: finish your drink
Use these as you deem necessary and change them as you wish. Hell we don't care, we just wanted to put them down some where so we wouldn't lose them... again. Enjoy.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Agreed, Shep. Get the hell outta there.
So what did they do to challenge his comments? By sending out hateful e-mail, of course.
“When a crazy man has walked into a Holocaust museum and shot the security guard, maybe that’s an appropriate time to warn people: you’ve got a crazy person in your life, keep an eye on him,” he said in an interview in his Manhattan office last week.
Mr. Smith said he fully anticipated one result of those comments: the nasty e-mail increased.
“Thousands of them,” Mr. Smith said. “And I know they don’t mean the things they say. I know they don’t hate me and want death on my family.”
What they mostly say, he explained, is: “You don’t belong there.” Mr. Smith paused a moment before adding: “I do belong here.”
No you don't, Shep. You're the only one taking that whole "Fair and Balanced" thing seriously, and the only one showing any ability for rational thinking.
But, then again, if Shep gets chased out of Fox News and wants to go to a more credible news agency, where the hell would he go?
Are NPR or The Daily Show taking applications?
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Nazi zombies?! GENIUS!
Dead Snow
Friday, June 19, 2009
Late Night Video Club
If you haven't done so yet... go see them. Now. They will make you dance whether or not you think you know how.
I'm sure Dr. Hart would be proud...
Also have you seen the evil mastermind that is Alexander Ovechkin? I mean jesus... the man looks like he is plotting to take over the world. The photographer could not have lit that shot any creepier.
Enjoy lifting the Hart, Pearson and Richards trophies Alexander the Douche... Geno and Sid still have your ass whooped.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
tRBT's Man of the Year: Nominee #1
Are you aware that Jon "JB" Burton, beloved bald Pittsburgh Sports anchor and an overall funny guy, is no longer on WTAE?
Were you, like us, wondering where that smiley guy went off to? Another news station, perhaps?
Well you, like us, were wrong. JB got laid off - WTAE, like everyone else, was suffering losses and had to cut some folks. Tough economic times legitimately blow.
So what did JB do? Pimp slap Sally Wiggin? Run off with Mike Clark's wife? Sexually harass Wendy Bell (you know you would)?
Hell, no. None of those are manly enough for JB. That man said screw it and started wrestling.

"It's tough, but a lot of people got it a lot worse than me," he said. "I was treated great by Channel 4."Burton became the Brass Knuckles champion within a few months of in-ring action. He says McKeesport, in particular Jacob Woll Pavilion, is a great place to wrestle.WOW. Jon Burton equipped with brass knuckles. Need I say more? Man of the year candidate, no doubt.
That's 'Sir' Mario to you, bitch.
No word on what Ted Leonsis is going to say about it on his blog, but I bet you it'll read something like, "This is what Mario Lemieux being knighted means to the Capitals; absolutely nothing. We are not the Penguins, so stop asking me about the...mmm...hot diggity damn I love me some Luisiana Licker sauce!!! I'M TED LEONSIS AND I'M RIDING A BOLT OF LIGHTNING!! WOOOOO!!!"
We knew Lemieux was a class act the minute he won back-to-back Stanley Cups, bought the team and brought them out of bankruptcy and certain relocation, maintained their presence in Pittsburgh despite the lack of help from local government and the NHL alike and then got a new arena built, but now he's on an entire different level. Congrats, good sir. You absolutely deserve it.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
You thought it was all said and done
This is the time of year when trade rumors swirl just as much if not more than right before the trade deadline. Who wants to pick up a few more draft picks? Who wants to trade some away in hopes of landing that one player who will help lead their team to Stanley Cup glory?
All this (and lack of true employment) have led us to take a look at the numbers and crunch some ideas for what could be the Pittsburgh Penguins of 2009-2010 and beyond. We'll start off with cap numbers:
While it is not set in stone (the collective revenues of the league have not been tallied yet) the league cap number should be right around $55 million so we will stick with that number.
As it stands right now, the Pittsburgh Penguins cap number will be $47.3 million for 2009-2010. That is of course if we drop all our free agents and their salaries which isn't going to happen.
Much has been made about the amount of money tied up in Crosby (8.7 mill), Malkin (8.7 mill), Fleury (5 mill), Staal (4 mill) and even Brooks Orpik (3.75 mill). Well this is the year when that will all come to fruition with Malkin, Fleury and Staal all starting their new contract numbers.
At the same time we lose the big numbers of Sykora (2.5 mill), Guerin (4.5mill), Miroslav Satan (3.5mill), Ruslan Fedetenko (2.5 mill), Phillippe Boucher(2.5 mill) and Hal Gill (2.1 mill). Lost yet?
Also on the unrestricted free agent list is Rob Scuderi. The authors of this blog have thought highly of Scuds for quite some time now and his performance in the Finals put him in to another pay scale. He is a clutch shut down defensemen and is only getting better.
Along with those boys are a bunch of AHL'ers, some of whom will be given every shot to make it to the big club in the fall. Of interest is Alex Goligoski, Ben Lovejoy, Paul Bissonnette, John Curry and Tim Wallace. These guys are all restricted free agents and we fully expect them to be Pens again next year.
Moving along... Fight me if you will but here is what I see happening over the summer to our beloved flightless birds. Sykora, Satan, Boucher, Gill and Garon will all leave. That frees up $11.6 million in cap space from those players alone. We have been saying for some time that Sykora is going to finish up his career in Russia and while his agent is saying otherwise Petr may head back home to play out his twilight years. Either way he and Satan will not suit up for the Pens next year. Sad to say in Sykora's case.
Boucher is expendable and will be replaced by Alex Goligoski in the fall. He is much younger, cheaper and far more talented in the offensive zone, and has shown flashes of being able to confidently stand people up at the blue line. Gill is a bit more of a loss in this author's opinion (notice I did not say we as some authors of this blog disagree with this sentiment). Yes he is slow, yes he put a few goals in behind MAF himself, but he has excellent reach, is great on the PK and spends the majority of his ice time in front of the net. He will be missed when he is gone which most likely will be now rather than later. Ben Lovejoy will be used much like Goligoski was this year to replace the injured and shake things up when necessary.
In goal John Curry is more than capable when it comes to backing up MAF. He will sign another deall and Caron will hit the road to go find some other team to back stop for a bit. While not quite as experienced, Curry has shown he is solid between the pipes the past two years in Wilkes-Barre Scranton and posted a 2.38 GAA with a .913 save percentage last season.
Now that our blue line back to goal is set...
As far as Fedotenko and Guerin are concerned I can see them both coming back to wear the black and gold. Tenk will most likely get a slight bump in his $2.25 million salary and sign for 2 years. Bad ass Billy G on the other hand is the tricky point. He is far from young, but seems to have picked up one hell of a step playing along side Sid this post season. Not to mention the fact that if you were at the parade or watched it on TV, both fans and Geno alike were cheering for "one more year". I could see Guerin taking a slightly smaller deal to play one more year on Sid's wing in hopes of back-to-back cup runs. Or maybe I'm just fucking nutty.
When it comes to replacing Sykora and Satan, this falls squarely on the shoulders of some AHL'ers first. Luca Caputi, a 2007 draft choice, will more likely than not make his way to the steel city in the fall. He is a power forward, and in his brief stint with the parent club this past season, he showed fans just what he is capable of doing when thrown on a line with Crosby. In our opinion he will see time on Geno's wing instead with Fedotenko on the other side. The question mark is Eric Tangradi. The 6'4" winger that came over as part of the Ryan Whitney deal and while he is still getting comfortable in his own skin he put up 88 points in 55 games this season playing for the Belleville Bulls of the OHL. He was injured in the playoffs this season when his hand was lascerated and required surgery. What happens next with him is up in the air until he is fully recovered. Satan's replacement will most likely come in the form of Ryan Stone, Tim Wallace, Conner James or Pittsburgh's own Bill Thomas. Time for these prospects who have been in the system for a few years to have a real shot and with Danny B. as coach, I'm sure he has one or two in mind.
To throw another wrench in the works, the NHL draft is another time of trades and deals that could change everything in a heartbeat. The latest news out of Ottawa is that Dany Heatley wants out... now. GM Bryan Murray is working the phones to try out this trade and see what can happen come draft time, which brings me to an interesting thought... Heatley in a Pens sweater.
Now before you start screaming at your computer just wait... I know we're right up against the cap... after crunching the numbers on the list of players I just gave you it'll be tough to bring everyone back let alone add someone, but let's look at this from a hypothetical view point. Besides we have Ray Shero on our sides and who knows what that man has in the works. Heatley has 4 years left on his six-year, $45 million contract which will hit at $7.5 million next year. Ouch. But this guy also had 39 goals and 72 points last year... nothing to just pass off. Here's the deal. Jordan Staal has a VERY nice $4 million a year cap hit... something this author has considered trade bait from the moment he was offered the contract. While he is a good forward with great potential, do we really need $22 million tied up down the middle? I think not. Jordan Staal and a conditional 2nd round pick in the 2010 draft for Dany Heatley. Not nearly as crazy as it sounds, and if this happens you can plug him in with Geno or Sid and not bring back Guerin or Tenk, and the best part is we'd have him for 4 years!
The downside to this idea? The cap. While it seems the NHL has weathered the storm for this year, that is because the economic downturn happened late enough in the season that sponsorships and company suites had already been purchased. That will not be the case for this coming season which could spell disaster for the 2010-2011 season. A drop in cap space would make this deal an utter disaster and would be troublesome for the Pens and a good majority of the teams in the league with little to no space (see also: Detroit Red Wings). This can possibly be avoided by re-opening the Collective Bargaining Agreement and fudging with some of the Player's Association rules, all of which can happen at any time, but we won't get into that long and complicated mess right now.
Also on draft weekend Penguins fans will get to see Shero make choices in each and every round... yes, that's right... we actually have picks this year! Seven of them to be exact. Hopefully we'll stockpile a few forwards (see also: WINGERS DAMMIT!) and anything else GM Ray Shero sees fit. It will be nice to see Shero use a full draft again and pick up some talent for the future. We have some great, young talent waiting in the wings (pun unintended) but we always need to keep the flow alive.
That's it for today... a look at the 2009-2010 Penguins... please note the author of this post, while a hockey fanatic, has no ties to the Pittsburgh Penguins and talks out of his ass more often than not. Stay tuned up to and including the draft and free agency for more looks inside the Penguins organization.
**EDIT** The Pittsburgh Penguins and Alex Goligoski have agreed on a three-year contract worth $5.5 million. Gogo's new cap number is $1,833,333. Jesus couldn't they have fucking rounded that?
It really is hard to keep your pants on in Nevada
Apparently Mr. John Ensign (R-NV) cannot keep his hands out of the staffer cookie jar. In an interview with the Associated Press, Ensign reveals that he had an affair with a member of his campaign staff from December 2007 to August 2008. The statement says "I deeply regret and am very sorry for my actions."
I can understand regret for a drunken evening celebrating a victory, but come on man! This continued for 8 months... hardly a case of just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels.
According to his website, Ensign "spends his work week in Washington D.C. and travels home to visit his family Darlene, Trevor, Siena and Michael on the weekends."
Unless, of course, it is campaign season.
We understand that scandals of this sort have happened to members of the Democratic party as well, but it is just too damn easy to pass up another GOP member doing something to bring more bad press to his party.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Blog Outsourcing 1.0
And they were all sweating, because for the first time in roughly six decades, not a cloud was in the sky in Western PA. The Hockey Gods have a way of keeping your ass in line.
The "Election Commission" in Iran agreed to do a recount.
Let's hope they have a better sense of fairness than, say, the 2000 United States Supreme Court. It's Iran, so we're not too optimistic about it.
PA State Senator Jim Ferlo wants you to protest during the G20 summit.
We don't love state government here at tRBT, but that was ballsy. Much respect to Senator Ferlo. Now tell them to be gentle; they'll be amongst champions.
As if the Republican Party hasn't done enough in the past few months to look like racist assholes,
They go and pull another one of these moves off. Hopefully this will teach them that things circulate pretty quickly online. Granted a racist depiction of Barack Obama isn't a cell phone pic of Miley Cyrus striking a pose in a bikini top, it still managed to get around the net.
Charles Darwin the art influence?
The scientist and author of On the Origin of Species apparently is also responsible for some pretty sweet 19th Century art. Mr. Darwin was not available for comment, as he is not only deceased but also serving out his sentence of eternity in the dark, fiery chasms of Hell.
**UPDATE**
I did not realize that my two favorite blogs do a very similar segment (Empty Netter Assists and Cheap Blogging Crutch). Since our blog was created as a not-so-subtle rip-off of these two respected sources, suck it.
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Rustbelt Tramp on location: Stanwix Street
Anyway... Today we were able to watch Lord Stanley's gleaming chalice return to its rightful home in the City of Champions. A Super Bowl in February and a Stanley Cup in June... does it really get any better? From our position within the mob of Penguins fans that invaded the downtown
Please refrain from getting too pissed about the quality as we were a good 30 yards from the stage.
Well, there's good news and bad news, folks...
The good : the glass-lined breweries of Old Latrobe, PA will once again be filled with delicious, PA-brewed beer.
The bad: Iron City, or as it is pronounced here, Ahrn-City, will no longer be brewed in Pittsburgh.
The reason: immense unsettled debt that was accrued after the Pittsburgh Brewing Company, poorly managed but faithfully purchased and consumed for years, owed the city, county and urban development authority millions and millions of, well, "dawwers."
The silver lining of this is that it's going to Latrobe. This will sew up the hearts of everyone in Westmoreland County who lost faith in God, the economy and the time-honored tradition of getting shithoused on locally-brewed beer when Rolling Rock, the pride and joy of Pittsburgh's hilly neighbor, was bought out by an evil global conglomerate and then sold from said evil conglomerate to another, Anheuser-Bush, which recently merged with the aforementioned global beverage conglomorate. Are you confused?
Of course, the not-so-silver lining of this is a glaring example of how a company can squander public investment. This better not happen with GM, Citigroup, Bank of America, AIG, Fanny May, Freddy Mac, Wells Fargo and everyone else receiving a bailout. Because that would royally suck.
Either way, we're looking forward to buying our first case of the Western PA hybrid beer. Let's hope the glass-lined tanks remove a little bit of the, how can I euphemize this, edge off the beer. Maybe we'll actually drink IC when that happens, rather than opting straight to IC Light like we currently do.
This looks familiar...kinda...
We have a relatively young nation, first populated by aborigine natives, then as a colony before its inhabitants revolted and fought for its independence.
Early on, the nation had a spiritual awakening of sorts. There of course was a backlash, followed by a massive influx of religious fervor and fundamentalism that never really left the nation's identity, no matter how behind-the-scenes it got.
Now, this is where the histories of the United States and Iran divide, somewhat. We are not ruled by a group of clerics led by an Ayatollah. We're not conspiracy theorists, so we're not going to even go there comparatively. But we both, at the peak of our societal, scientific and technological abundance, elected crazy, fundamentalist, creepy presidents in a massively divided election.
Both won both of their terms in nail-biter elections, and, again, this is where our histories divide. Tehran has burst into righteous flames; all we did after Kerry lost was threaten to move to Canada. Actually, we were sparked into more protests in 2000 than 2004.
Where are we going with all of this? Well, people are getting bludgeoned by plainclothes militiamen in the street, the youth are absolutely going batshit insane on anything they can get their hands on and Iran in general is on the brink of civil war. There are dozens, if not hundreds, of real reflections and assessments that can be made about how to handle this from a foreign policy standpoint, and what are our friends across the aisle saying?
Mitt Romney, whose creepy religious beliefs and shady past huckster practices not only got in the way of getting nominated a presidential candidate but also made Sarah Palin a better choice for a vice presidential candidate, says it's proof that Obama's "Apology" tour throughout the world is not working.
Listen up, Mitt. For the first time ever, Iranians have disobeyed the protest ban. They know the election, like your career, is a sham. To make a statement like that, to say that this is proof that running around the world apologizing to nations (something that President Obama has not done) is not effective is so asinine, so shortsighted and so blatantly opposed to whatever is "left-wing" that it is actually no surprise that it came out of your mouth and is representative of a (thank goodness) quickly dying political belief. Fuck you.
Okay, I feel better.
Friday, June 12, 2009
City of Champions
Words cannot express the happiness we here at the Rustbelt Tramp feel right now.
More to come tomorrow when this all finally sinks in.
Go Pens.
2008-2009 NHL Stanley Cup Champions.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Damn you Google...why are you so amazing?
And you thought it was cool that you could see your car in your driveway on the damn thing.