Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Environmentalists are coming to kill you

Okay. So you're at home. It's summer time, and you're drinking a Crown Royal Manhattan, because you're a man.

Suddenly, you hear the rumble.

You look up in the sky; you can't see anything.

All of a sudden the sonic BOOM is heard; up ahead a plane shoots out of a cloud above. The hatch opens, and you see missile shapes heading towards Earth with fast fury.

Shit, you think. The goddamn military finally had a coup d'etat. I knew it was only time, what with all that progressive agenda being pushed. Well, guess I'm running to the hills!

Only the hills can not be protected from the onslaught of SEED BOMBS!!! And no, that's not the latest album from Megadeth.

Life from the sky is coming to take yours. Run, Bitch.

These bombs disassemble in mid-air, only to rain encapsulated seeds onto your children. They're apparently claiming that they want to heave these botanical warheads from the sky to combat deforestation and desertification, but we here at tRBT see through Al Qaida's useless plan to attack under the cloak of harmless aerial environmentalism.

This diagram specifically shows how your family will die:

Those tiny capsules, from an F-16 altitude, will penetrate through your
church ceilings and walls and claim the lives of everyone inside. Infidels!

View the entire plan here.

Treehugger seems to believe the terrorists:
The seeds are housed inside capsules made of artificial soil: they provide nourishment and moisture to the seed. As the sapling matures, the capsule degrades leaving only the new plant.
Reports have surfaced that since this plan involves bombs, the GOP initally had a raging hard-on for it. However, when notified there would be life inside of these bombs, and that said life would not be a fetus but rather a seed from which a tree, bush or grass would grow, they began a muffled, gurgly banter; of which the only audible phrases were something about Reagan, Deuteronomy and waterboarding before storming off.

No comments:

Post a Comment