I have no job, but stellar blood pressure.

Out of a job? Pfizer knows what it's like, what with all the jobs they've had to cut in order to stay aggressive in today's near-Apocalyptic marketplace.

And since Pfizer knows what it's like to have R&D guys (800, to be exact) stressed out about losing their jobs, they want to do you a favor. They want your blood pressure lower and your boner more majestic. And the only way to do this is to give people who lost their jobs free Lipitor and Viagra. And 70-plus more of Pfizer's prescription drugs.

"Everybody knows now a neighbor, a relative who has lost their job and is losing their insurance. People are definitely hurting out there," Dr. Jorge Puente, Pfizer's head of pharmaceuticals outside the U.S. and Europe and a champion of the project, told The Associated Press in an exclusive interview Wednesday. "Our aim is to help people bridge this point."

Applicants will have to sign a statement that they are suffering financial hardship and provide a "pink slip" or similar employer notice. Applications will be accepted through Dec. 31, with medication provided for up to 12 months after approval — or until the person becomes insured again.

Starting Thursday, patients can call a toll-free number, 866-706-2400, to sign up, and those whose drugs are not included in the program will be referred to other company aid programs. Starting July 1, patients can also apply through the Web site, http://www.PfizerHelpfulAnswers.com, which has information about the other Pfizer aid programs.

This isn't just a ploy to get people dependent on Pfizer products in a fiscal year where the cost of healthcare and drug prescriptions have skyrocketed.....right?

Pfizer's program comes at a time when many drugmakers, including Pfizer, have been raising prices on their drugs, partly to offset declines in revenue as the global recession reduces the number of prescriptions people can afford to fill.

Son of a bitch. And we thought they were just doing a good deed. Oh well, let's just hope it is a well-intentioned guesture to the workin' men and women in need of a good sex romp and a night to zone out on a couple Zolofts. Just don't take the Chantix, man. That shit's worse than the brown acid.